A Changed Man
by RhondaStar
Summary: Set after series 27: The Ends of Justice. Jackie told Robbie he had to change - but can he really manage it? FINAL CHAPTER UP
1. Chapter 1

**Set after Series 27 of Taggart - this story picks up on some of the ideas from The Ends of Justice - mostly Robbie changing his lifestyle and addictions and Jackie's new relationship with Chris. It takes place a few months after that episode.**

My first venture into the JR world so please be kind - comment if you have time.

**A Changed Man**

Staring blankly at the computer screen she tried to clear her mind and get things straight in her head. It wasn't an easy task, the sparkle of the diamond on her finger kept distracting her, that and the fact that very soon this room would be filled with her colleagues offering congratulations and well-wishes... or perhaps some smug comment from the colleague whose desk mirrored her own.

Glancing across she noted the subtle differences between them; hers left pristine when she'd left on Friday night. His with two coffee cups and a crumpled newspaper abandoned on the keyboard, no doubt with the favourites circled in red, though he swore to her he'd given up gambling. She suspected the boss had some small say in that matter but she secretly wondered if he really had quit one of his habits.

Though of late there had been little talk of his nightly conquests, he'd been on time, and she hadn't had to collect him from some pub where he'd had a little too much to drink and refused to leave.

Why was she thinking about him? Her mind should have been awash with plans; excitement and overjoyed at the prospect of being wed. She'd doubted, seriously doubted, that it would ever happen again. Resigned to spending a life alone and working, the occasional interested guy but nothing lasting. They never seemed to be.

Chris was different, he really cared, and she cared for him. He'd told her he loved her last night and presented the ring, she'd smiled, confused and afraid. Was it her last chance? And if it was she'd be a fool to turn it down wouldn't she?

She'd figured that as soon as she took the promotion it would be the last she'd see of him, but he'd hung on in there and now three months later – marriage.

Her musings abruptly ended when the door swung open and instant chatter filled the room. She couldn't face it yet and quickly headed to the ladies, a moment to gather her thoughts.

Staring at her reflection she noted how pale she looked, how watery her eyes, certainly not the face of the happy bride.

"Pull yourself together DI Reid," she chastised, adding lipstick to try and brighten her complexion.

Heading out into the corridor she turned left and bang into the very person she was hoping to avoid for a while.

"Woah there, in a hurry!"

"Morning Robbie, Sir." She nodded to the two men, the people she'd spent the majority of her life with, day in, day out, and yet she wanted to avoid them.

"You alright Jackie?" Burke asked.

"Yes, fine." Absently she brushed her hair back and Robbie caught her hand.

"What's this then?" He asked, she caught his gaze, no smug comment, no patronising smile, he seemed... well, shaky.

"The good Doc making an honest woman of you ey Jackie, well congratulations." Burke said, taking her hand from Robbie and shaking it. "About time."

"Thank you Sir, there's no rush though, nothing planned yet. It only happened yesterday."

"I'm pleased for ya," he said, disappearing into the office.

Sighing heavily she turned back to face Robbie, "Well get on with it."

"With what?"

"The jokes, the implications, let's do it all in one go."

He shrugged, "Congratulations Jackie, you deserve it." And he followed Burke into the office. 

* * *

Robbie surveyed the garden with disgust, that people lived like this, could live like this still managed to catch him off guard. Jackie had been banging on the door for the past few minutes and no response. He watched as she peered through the letterbox and wrinkled his nose at the foul stench no doubt coming from inside.

"Nothing?" He asked.

"Doesn't seem like it. Shall we wait?"

"Aye, for a while, in the car though, bloody freezing out here." He took a step back towards the gate, waiting for her, watching as she tentatively made her way across the icy garden. She slipped near the door and steadied herself on the wall, grazing her hand slightly on the rough brick.

"Alright?"

"Yeah," she was by his side when she slipped again and this time he caught her arm, holding her up. "I've never been any good in the snow."

He said nothing, but made sure she got to the car without coming to any harm.

She was fussing over her hand, he watched for a while then reached across her and into the glove compartment taking out a small first aid kit. "You should clean that up."

"Thanks, unlike you to be so organised. Is this the result of one too many drunken falls?" She teased, taking out cleaning solution and couple of plasters.

Again he didn't respond and when she glanced at him his face was set solemn and steady. He'd been quiet all day; she figured it was a hangover.

"Could do with a neat scotch right about now." He finally mumbled.

"Just the one?"

"Christ, you and your digs, I'm sick of it! You don't know everything!"

She was a little taken aback by his rage; they'd always teased each other senselessly. It was part of the daily routine.

"Sorry," she said lowly, looking straight ahead.

"Haven't had a serious drink for four weeks now, the odd beer, nothing more... we can't all be mother Theresa. For fuck's sake."

"Hey I said I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was suddenly such an issue, I won't ever mention anything about you again is that better?"

He shook his head, turning the key in the ignition, "I've had enough of this, waste of time."

He pulled out into the road before she'd had time to put her seatbelt on; she was always caught off guard by his sudden moods, though they were usually directed at everyone else and never her.

The journey back to the station was silent.

* * *

Pulling into the underground parking Robbie's eyes adjusted to the change in light, he took it slowly now, reversing into a spot, taking his time to put the handbrake on and the ignition off. He didn't want to move, to go inside and be around other people.

"Well that was fun," she quipped, opening the door.

"Look, I'm sorry I snapped, you know how I get."

"Unfortunately I do, I'm glad I don't have to live with it." She slid out of the car, leaning down as he spoke.

"I said I'm sorry, what more do you want?"

"Well, what more could someone ask?" She slammed the door on him and headed across the car park to the lift. She heard him slam the door too, the beep of the lock and then his footsteps behind her.

"I don't want you to do it!" He shouted at her back.

She stopped, turned very slowly and waited for him to catch up to her.

"I don't want you to do it," he said again, gently this time. "Marry him."

She huffed, rolled her eyes, folded her arms in the usual defensive stance she took. "And what right do you have to suddenly impose your views, I do what I want Robbie."

"I'm not sure this is what you really want."

"And how the hell would you know? You're so wrapped up in your own decadent lifestyle you have no time for reality. I'm trying to make a life, to have something more than work."

"You tried it before, it didn't work."

She turned away from him, marching across the car park, angrier than hell but somehow, broken too. What if he was right?

"Jackie..." he called, chased after her, grabbed her arm. "Jackie, listen to me, I should have said something before, last time, I messed up. You're right, I'm a selfish bastard, but I've changed, I am changing, I'm trying, you know that."

She nodded, somewhat petulantly; she didn't want to admit that the bad-boy she'd known all these years had made a concerted effort to turn it around.

"Last time, when you married Brian and I wished you well, I should have stopped it then."

She narrowed her eyes, shaking her head, "What do you mean, 'stopped it'?"

"I don't want you to marry this guy."

Her pulse quickened, was this it, finally, after all this time?

"Why?" she managed to whisper. "Tell me why."

"You know why." He whispered in return, his hand still gripping her upper arm.

"Do I? Do I really know Robbie? I can't keep doing this, waiting around for you to make your mind up and realise what's right here in front of you. I need something, someone, I need a relationship, commitment, someone to go home to at night. I can't stay single so you always have somebody to lean on... I need to hear you say it."

"You're my best friend. At times I think my only friend."

She sighed, same old Robbie. She yanked her arm free.

"No, wait, Jackie." He pulled her back again.

"Let me go." She held his gaze, "Let me go Robbie. Stop doing this."

"I love you." His voice was raw, deep and unmeasured. "It's always been you."

For once a smart come back escaped her, she simply stared at him, a hundred different feelings flooding her at once. Relief, he'd finally said it to her, the scenario she'd imagined a thousand times before. And hate, anger, that he did it now, when she'd met a great guy who really cared for her, who'd proposed less than 24 hours ago.

"Why?" She muttered.

"Why?" He was puzzled, he tried to smile but her eyes were steely. He licked his lips. His throat felt tight, dry, "Because you're you. Smart, funny, gorgeous. You care about everyone, you work hard, you stick up for yourself, you kick my arse into gear." He shrugged. "I can't sum it up in a few words Jackie, it's always been you, I'm too much of a fuck-up. I should have said this years ago, instead of running around the city like some eighteen year old learning how to use his dick for the first time."

"Charming choice of words." She finally allowed a small smile. "But you're right, you're a class A bastard at times, and I hate you at times, and why now? When I'm finally... I could be happy with him."

"You could be! That's the point, you aren't, not really, you know as well as I do that if you do this, go through with it... ...what about us?"

"What us?" She sighed again; fell into his arms, into a tight embrace. "God, why do you make me feel the way I do? There's nothing remotely reliable about you."

He buried his chin in her hair, stroked her back. "I can be reliable."

She pulled her head back to look at him, though her body was still tight against his. "I mean with women, not the footie or meeting your mates down the pub, or even work. Can you be reliable for a woman? For me? I've spent all these years trying to avoid being another notch on your well-used bed post. I couldn't stand..."

"That won't happen." He cut her off, touched her face, "Not now. This is it, no more messing about."

She so wanted to believe him, to trust him. For him to be right, that this was finally it.

"I'm scared," she eventually admitted, "if you hurt me. After all this time, if you cheat on me, if you let me down like you have every other woman you've ever known."

"Talk about a kick in the balls." He shook his head smiling, "See, that's another reason, you tell it how it is."

She smiled, broader this time, warmer, "Do you really mean it?"

He nodded.

She allowed herself to touch him, her fingers winding into his hair, he hadn't even made a move to kiss her, which said something, maybe he was changing.

"Say it again," her voice was barely audible, her hand shaking with nerves.

He leant in closer to her, holding her tighter, "I love you Jackie Reid."

She bit down on her lip, forcing herself not to respond in kind, if she revealed the depth of her emotions to him there'd be nothing left for later, and she was damned if he was going to have the upper hand in all of this.

"And I'm an engaged woman." She finally said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: The usual applies - I don't own them, just playing with them for a while.**

**Please let me know if you're enjoying it... or not!**

**A Changed Man – chapter 2**

Robbie surprised himself by being in before the rest of the team, he could fool himself it was down to his 'turning over a new leaf' or he could accept the reality - that he was desperate to see her.

He was battling with more than one surprise at the moment; that he'd managed to stay off the hard booze, that he'd been in work on time every day, that he hadn't had a shag in over two months, and most of all that yesterday he'd blurted out these feelings to a woman he'd spent years side-by-side with. He never planned it, he never rehearsed, he never even knew that was how he truly felt until the moment was upon him and these words tumbled out.

But love, he had realised when he was much younger, was never easy. And along with the joy of finally spilling his guts to her was the heartbreak of watching her go home without him. Probably to another man. He wasn't saying he expected a full-on night of passion with her, but well... he kinda hoped. She was too smart for him, knew him too well.

He raced up the stairs two at a time, hoping to find her alone, and there she was, sipping her take-out coffee and waiting for her computer to flicker to life.

"Hi," he gingerly stepped up behind her, bending down by her side, trying his upmost not to stare at her ring finger.

"Hi," she gave him a small smile and he took as a good sign and shuffled closer, leaning against her arm.

"Thought I might have heard from you last night, couldn't sleep."

She swallowed, put her coffee down, "I can't just drop everything because you..."

"No, no that's not what I mean, jeez I get things wrong, I was trying to say, trying to..." he ran a hand through his already messy hair. "Forget I said anything." As he stood he spotted the ring still on her finger.

She caught his stare, "I can't just do it like that, a snap decision."

He nodded, crestfallen, hands in pockets and sloped around to his desk.

She leant forward, "Robbie, I will talk to him, he was working last night, I can't do this in five minutes or over the phone."

"Seems to me you could."

She sat back, "Oh, you're acting like a child."

"No, I'm acting like a guy who's made a right dick of himself. Do you think it was easy for me to..." He stopped when the door swung open and a few of the team came in, chattering as usual, laughing, joking. Obviously none of them was in love.

He glanced away first and she felt guilty, yet she wasn't entirely sure why.

* * *

She watched him, carefully, when nobody could see, when he was absorbed in something else. She always had. The way he moved, the way he smiled, the easy charm he could turn on and off at a mere moment's notice. He'd always had this immense draw over her which meant she'd do anything for him.

That she found attractive was a given, that she was consumed with a burning passion for him was more complicated. She'd denied it for so long, or rather accepted it but pushed it deep down inside so it couldn't weaken her resolve toward him. She almost called off her wedding after one dance with him, one dance! Like he was promising her forever after a few twirls around the dance floor. And then the kiss, the shattering kiss, for a second the earth had turned on a different axle and she would have crawled inside his body and let him do what the hell he wanted with her.

And it was this that scared her.

He had this power. Mostly she was calm, gathered, centred, knew right from wrong, could judge people quite well. She was sharp, cutting, a realist, nobody's pushover. Then Robbie Ross would kiss her cheek and she'd melt in a puddle for him to walk through.

So really, would a relationship ever work? Could he ever really adore her the way she did him? Or would he tire quite quickly of the monotony of a relationship? The fact she wasn't 23 and slender as a greyhound. She wasn't blonde, she wasn't dumb, she wouldn't laugh at his jokes simply to gratify or get down on her knees at a snap of the fingers and well... gratify! She wasn't one for the back seat of cars or drunken fumbles in a darkened club.

She wanted love. For him to love her properly. To be there for her, to support her – in good days and bad. Not to grimace in a morning when she got up and was pale and drawn without make-up. Or to comment on the fact that she carried more weight around her middle now than she did ten years ago. Not to bore of her. Perhaps that was what she feared most. That after all these years of dreaming something would one day happen that it finally would and he wouldn't enjoy it.

Draining the last of her wine she glanced up as the pub door opened and a couple wandered in. Young, smiling, his hand protective around her waist. Things seemed so much simpler when you were young. Her heart wasn't quite so forgiving now.

The door opened again and in walked Chris, he smiled but there was something there, a darkness to his eyes, perhaps he knew.

She stood to greet him, kissed his cheek, let him hold her for a few seconds before sitting down.

"Another drink?" He asked; she could tell he was doing his best to appear calm but his hand shook slightly on hers.

"Sure," she squeezed his fingers in reassurance. She hated doing this, hated herself for this, she couldn't do this...

* * *

He had to decide one way or the other. He tipped the bottle, watched it flow into his glass like amber silk. Twirled it around, dipped his finger in and let it drop from his nail back into the glass. How could something so simple prove so bad for him?

Standing up, he yanked his tie from round his neck and threw it onto a chair, pacing the room, his eyes coming back to the glass, the bottle, how it would take all troubles away.

The ring of his doorbell swayed him from his musings, in a second she was standing there in front of him, eyes red and body shaking.

"Okay, so I did it." She struggled through unshed tears; he did what any friend would do and drew her into his arms letting her cry it out on his shoulder.

* * *

And so it was Jackie who downed the scotch, in one neat gulp that left her throat burning. She coughed, he patted her back.

"I don't know why I'm here," she groaned, leaning forward, arms heavy on her knees, head resting down on them. "This is such a stupid idea," she mumbled from the slumped position.

"Why," he continued rubbing her back in smooth, calming circles. "You know I'm not going to force you into anything. You came to me as a friend, right?" Give her the easy way out mate, he told himself.

She sat back up and he resisted the urge to stroke her hair as it fell back into place.

She nodded, "Yes, I guess I did." Casting him a sideways look she groaned again, flopping back on his couch, "Why is nothing ever simple?"

He gave her a few moments, sat forward at one point to refill her glass then stopped, he didn't want her to think he was trying to get her drunk, take advantage of the situation.

"So I'm single again, again! And why, because you snap your fingers and as always I drop everything."

He leant next to her, taking her hand. "I knew this would be my fault."

"Of course it is, you know what you..." She swallowed, stopped herself, then he leant in closer, his mouth by her ear.

"What I what?"

If she turned her head her mouth would probably brush his, which wasn't the greatest of ideas, yet he was so insistent, so close, smelt so good. She tilted her head back and carefully turned to look at him, "What you to do me."

Her breath was warm on his skin, her eyes deep and dark. "And what do I do to you?"

"Make me feel these things... I never even knew I could feel this way."

He rested his hand on her shoulder, holding her close to him, "Neither did I, but I quite like it."

She smiled, that smug smile was back, that glint in his eyes.

"I'm not going to have sex with you tonight; I'm not quite that stupid."

"Stupid?" He chuckled, "you're probably the smartest, and quickest, woman I know. But still, I never expected you too. If we're doing this properly doesn't it begin with dating?"

She was almost shocked, damn he was smooth; no wonder he always managed to get laid. "And where do you plan taking me on said 'date'?"

He tickled her neck, slid his forefinger back and forth across her smooth, creamy skin, "I think you like to dance, so dancing, and dinner too, if you're so inclined."

"I think I am," she whispered in return and slowly leant in to place a gentle kiss on his lips. "I really hurt him," she said against his mouth.

He remembered the evening she'd had and all thoughts of trying to seduce her disappeared, she was hurting, guilty probably.

"He'll be okay," he held her close against him and tucked her head beneath his chin, "In time, you will too."

"Aren't I always," she leant against him, comfortable for the first time in weeks, safe and warm in his embrace. "I just feel like such a cow."

"He probably thinks the same."

"Oh thanks, no snide remarks neither, as far as anyone is concerned this has nothing to do with Robbie Ross."

"My lips are sealed, you should have kept the ring though, be worth a bob or two that."

He had no time to duck as she swiped at his head.


	3. Chapter 3

**Apologies if there are mistakes in this - I got home from a night out with it in my head, it's 3a.m and I've just finished! As a side note - I have no idea how long it takes to get to either of their flats - let's call it artistic licence!**

**Please leave comments :-)**

**A Changed Man – chapter 3**

"You're drunk."

"I am not."

"You're so drunk you can't even say you aren't without giggling."

He reached across the table sweeping a lock of hair back from her face.

"Have to admit Reid, pretty fucked up me sitting here practically sober and you all red faced and silly."

She laughed, leaning back against the old cushioned seat. She liked where they were sat. The pub was loud and noisy, the busy heave of Friday night, but their booth was tucked away at the back, in semi-darkness with that dusky lighting old pubs provide.

"I'm not drunk, I'm just... giggly." She smiled again, circling the rim of her wine glass with her little finger. "Thank you for forcing me to come out."

"Thanks for coming; finally, it's only been three weeks of relentless asking. I'm not used to working so hard for a date."

"No," she agreed nodding her head, then her voice dropped to a husky whisper, "But then I'm not the _usual_ type of woman you're trying to get a date out of."

"Nothing 'usual' about you at all."

"I'll take that as a compliment," she said raising her glass to him and draining the last of her wine.

"Do." He watched her fuzzy expression as she put the glass down and swallowed.

"Oh dear, maybe I have had too much to drink."

"You drank too quickly, you should pace it."

"Years of experience."

"Oh yeah, and a whole heap of hangover cures for the morning."

"Bacon sandwiches always do the trick."

"With ketchup and brown sauce right."

"And a huge mug of sweet tea! Failing that, hiding under the duvet for the day."

He smiled at her now; leaning forward across the table again, "Either works for me."

There was that glint in his eye she loved so much, and perhaps it was even more enthralling for the fact his devilish thoughts of whole days in bed concerned being in bed with her and not some other forgettable floozy.

But not quite yet. She had to make him wait. Make him really, really want her. Make him realise what he'd been missing.

"I need to eat." She said reaching for her handbag.

"Couple a bags of crisps?"

"Hardly; I seem to remember, several weeks ago, the promise of dinner for our first date."

"Ah, but I didn't realise this was our first date. I thought it was an after-work drink. We didn't even dress up."

"Are you saying I don't look good enough to take out to dinner?"

He reached for her hand, toying with her fingers, "You look good enough to..."

"Ahhh, don't... let's have the mystery for a while hey." She withdrew her hand. "I'm not quite that easy Mr Ross, just in case you hadn't worked it out."

"Nothing with you is ever easy." But he grabbed his jacket anyhow and drained the last dregs of his beer. Just the one pint mind.

* * *

The night air was already frosty, despite it only being just after eight, and it instantly halted the flow of the alcohol in her system. She glanced up the road, watching people stumbling out of taxis and into the warmth of clubs; Robbie was caught up just inside talking.

"Sorry 'bout that," he pulled the collar up on his jacket as he joined her and she reached for his elbow, gripping his arm and snuggling in next to him as they set off walking.

"Should I be jealous?"

"Of?"

"The three young ladies vying for your attention as we left?"

"Oh them; just friends."

She nodded, pursing her lips, "You keep telling me that you see... I'm beginning to wonder just how many 'friends' you have. And how many of them came with benefits."

He chuckled. "Ah Jackie, you know me too well."

"That's the problem with dating somebody who's known you for so many years, you can't hide."

"No," he glanced across at her, his hand resting on hers where she held his arm. "But I don't think I want to."

"The changed man syndrome?"

"Not a trick, I am, the lifestyle has its benefits..."

"Quite a few it seems," she added sarcastically.

He looked to the floor, nodding, she couldn't tell if it was still is jest or more serious. "Yep, one too many perhaps, but it grew tiring. It nearly cost me my job... and you."

"Melodramatic old fool." She leant in and kissed his cheek. "I'd have still... cared, even if you did lose your job and disgraced us all."

"Visit me in jail?"

"Let's hope it never comes to that. You're a better man than all that. I think you just have to believe it yourself."

"The love of a good woman?"

"Perhaps... Now, where are we going, my feet are bloody freezing."

* * *

"Don't make me drink it all myself, I won't be able to gracefully walk out of here."

He removed his hand from the top of his glass and let her refill it.

"We can walk home." She added.

"Home?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Aye, well, you can walk me home."

"You live out of the city."

"Then treat me to a taxi."

There were plenty of things he'd like to treat her too right now, a taxi being way down the list.

He took a gulp of his wine.

"Not bad for our first meal together."

She smiled, "No," and reached for another spring roll. "But hardly the dining extravagance I was promised."

"Nothing wrong with Chinese food. Besides, I might want to save the best restaurants for special occasions... Valentines coming up?"

"Who knew you had a romantic streak, I'm actually shocked."

He sat back, comfortable, totally relaxed with a woman for perhaps the first time in his life. "I think you're the first woman I've dated whose actually eaten on said date."

She swallowed, suddenly self-conscious, "Is that bad?"

"Of course not, we've eaten together a hundred times."

"Mmm, but not as a potential girlfriend."

"No potential about it, not for me."

"You're very... all-or-nothing... I guess I knew that. Very straight, no messing about, _here it is Jackie this is what I want now_."

"I don't mean to come across as forcing you..."

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean, what I think I mean is that it's all very." She sighed, shrugged. "All these years with little signs, little flirtations, and now suddenly _wham_ you've decided I'm it and chasing after me. Kinda overwhelming."

He nodded, inclined his head to the left. "Well then I'll take a step back. I just don't want you to think I'm using you, that this is some kind of fling or ..."

"I don't. The both of us know enough to know that embarking on something like this is probably going to be messy, if it ends."

"Don't start at the end. There might not be one."

"No, but if it does, will we still be able to sit across from each other every day? I might be tempted to smash your face in."

He laughed, "You'll probably wanna do that anyway after a few months of 'relationship.' I'm not known for my commitment skills."

She was silent, watching him across the candlelit table.

"Sorry, hardly selling myself as a great boyfriend."

"Oh, I don't know, you have your charms." She reached across for his free hand, "Why don't we just take our time, see how it goes, where it goes, enjoy it. I won't pressure you into any kind of long-term commitment as long as you promise to always be totally honest with me. No bit-on-the-side, no disappearing for a weekend and turning up on a Monday with a dirty grin about who you disappeared with."

"No."

"If you think it's over, if you're getting bored..."

"Jackie." He squeezed her hand.

"No, I'm being honest, I'm not the type you usually go for, and you really aren't the type I do, and there's a lot of history here and we're friends so alright you might not want to hurt me. But if it isn't what you thought, I'd rather know than go through months of being strung along. Okay?"

He nodded, silently, resolutely.

"Let's go."

"No dessert?"

"Coffee perhaps... your place?"

* * *

It took them a good fifteen minutes to walk home; the moon was high and full, the ground already frosty and she slipped a little in her heels, swinging on his arm, humming happily... perhaps still a little drunkenly.

By the time they reached his road Robbie was ready to devour her.

Her scent. The warmth of her body next to his, pressing into his when she swung round and into him and he twirled her around. Women always liked a dancer; he'd learnt that trick very early on.

God the feel of her curves beneath his hands. No straight up and down with her. No plastic. Nothing fake or tanned. Creamy white skin like the purest, earliest snow and full swooping curves, breasts that squashed against his chest and hips that swerved delectably as she made her way up the staircase in front of him.

He could have taken her there and then.

Had she always been so damned sexy?

"Sorry the lift's out," he almost panted after her.

"Exercise is good for me."

She made it to his floor some way before him, and leant back against his door, laughing as he made his way up the final few steps, swinging her removed shoes on the end of her finger.

"Took your time, getting old are we Ross?"

He stopped, paused leaning on the banister, took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'll show you old."

In the quickest of seconds his body was flush against hers, his hands everywhere, his mouth claiming hers like some long-awaited prize.

She dropped her shoes, one hand on his shoulder for support, the other winding into his hair; she'd fantasised about doing that. His lips were marking hers and she doubted she'd ever be kissed the same again, his tongue already moving inside and she eagerly met his with her own. It was a kiss full of passion and promise and long-denied and already she had that sweep of butterflies in the pit of her stomach signalling much more to come.

He groaned into her mouth and she pulled back slightly, breathing deeply, still clinging onto him.

"Key?" She whispered against his lips.

Inside the room was lit by the moonlight through the bare windows, she was aware of them as he moved her back across the room to the couch, tripping slightly on a surface she was unsure of.

The leather was cool, pillows soft, she lay back intoxicated, Robbie above her, his hands busy removing her coat. She watched him through half-open eyes, reached up for him, eager to have his kiss again.

Twisting onto their sides she let her arms fall back and dropped her coat to the floor, she heard something fly across the room and presumed it must have been his jacket following. Then his hands, god those wonderful hands, were on her again. Sliding up her back, over her shoulders, fingertips down her neck then his mouth following, her legs were entwined with his, her hands clutching at his shirt.

She could taste wine and beer and Robbie and the headiness of a night out with a gorgeous guy who made you feel like the sexiest woman alive. She wanted him so badly. Had done for so very long.

Her fingertips tangled in his hair and she drew his face back up to hers, finding his mouth again and kissing him deeply and forcefully, she wanted him in no doubt of what he did to her and she wanted him in no doubt as to what she could do for him.

"Jackie," he mumbled against her lips, his leg moving, knee pressing higher, she jerked a little against him.

One of his hands slid up her back, resting where her bra was, she was vaguely aware of his fingertips moving and the sudden looseness as the clasp came open and then the other hand on her hip, drawing her shirt out from her trousers, fingertips pressing against her skin and working their way up.

She quickly pushed her hand down to his.

"No, not yet..."

He was a little dazed, his body hungry for more, heart racing, and her body so willing pressed tight against his. But he pulled back, gave her space.

She looked up at him, one hand still on his shoulder.

"Take our time." She whispered.

He nodded. Reluctantly it had to be said but still, he wanted her, for more than just this moment and if that meant playing by her rules, well then he was gonna give it a go.

He moved back further, disentangling his body from hers, sitting up at the other end of the couch and groaning, head in hands as he leant forward trying to shake loose the feeling.

"Sorry," she said lightly.

"Not your fault, we got carried away."

She held her hand out to him, "Help me up."

He pulled her into a sitting position and she tucked her legs beneath her, curling in next to him, her head on his shoulder. "You're a fast worker; it took seconds to open my bra."

"What can I say, I have skills."

"Very much so," feeling slightly guilty she rubbed his leg, noted how he was struggling to regain a sense of composure and respectability. "I like the way you kiss."

He smiled, twisting his head to look at her, "I like the way you kiss too. Still want that coffee?"

She nodded, smiling, and he kissed her lips so softly.

She sat back, blinking as he turned on a lamp, plumping the cushion behind her. "Robbie, I don't know what happened to my shoes."

He flicked the switch on the coffee machine before disappearing back outside, returning with her shoes moments later.

"Good job I live in a decent establishment."

"Hmm," she twisted the watch on her wrist, "It's almost 2, will I still get a taxi?"

"You could stay," he offered from the kitchen. "No strings I promise, spare room, couch if you like."

She wasn't sure; she liked the idea of being with him all night, yet didn't want to give the wrong impression, didn't want to lead him on.

"I need the loo," she simply said, getting up and heading for the bathroom.

He took the opportunity to douse his face in ice-cold water. She'd certainly woken his body up, brought him back to life.

When she returned Robbie was on the couch, looking relaxed and... well, she thought happy.

"Hi gorgeous," He offered with a smile.

"Hi," she returned, moving beside him again, legs tucked up on the couch.

He drew her into him, head on his chest, and she suddenly didn't feel so awkward about staying.

"The couch sounds good," she finally said into his shirt.

He nodded, "Fancy some company?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry this chapter took longer - in my head it was easy to write about them having fun together, in reality I found it a bit harder. So, apologies if the dialogue jars a little. I sense this could be a long story... I have so many plans! Enjoy and please review xx**

**A Changed Man – Chapter 4**

She'd expected to wake in his arms; instead she woke to the smell of bacon and fresh coffee.

Turning languidly she stretched into the warmth of the duvet and glanced around the room. Being in Robbie's bed was something of a pinch-yourself moment and she was content to enjoy a few moments alone and let it sink in.

The room was very white, even more so that morning it seemed, everything clean cut and modern, just as she'd expected. She had to admit, he was right when he suggested they move to the bed, and he had behaved the perfect gentleman and offered it up to her, but there was something too inviting about sleeping in his embrace, she couldn't really turn it down.

So, for the first time in her life she'd slept spooned up against him, tight against him. And despite the late hour when they'd finally tumbled from the couch and into the bedroom, she'd found she couldn't sleep. He'd given her one of his t-shirts, she'd changed in the en-suite and slid beneath the sheets before he even came into the room, she wasn't quite ready for him to see her naked yet. That didn't stop her having a good look though from her vantage point in the bed as she watched him strip down to his boxers and climb in next to her.

He kissed her, circled her waist with his arms and she knew within minutes he was asleep, his breathing deep and laboured against her cheek. She leant back into him, her back to his chest, and found her mind wouldn't quiet. All of the things she'd imagined, all of the years wondering if ever... now suddenly it was here and she wasn't quite sure what that meant yet or where it was going.

Still, now, waking in his room, she felt happy, comfortable. Maybe that was all that really mattered.

"Well, good morning, I always took you for an early bird."

She stretched again as she took in his appearance, freshly showered with wet hair, a white t-shirt and jeans.

"Just because I can get into work on time, day after day, doesn't mean I don't enjoy a Saturday lie in."

"Can't fault it, hungry?" He crawled across the bed to her. "Hung-over?"

"Yes to the first, and no I don't think so." She sat up, one hand leaning on his arm. "No headache, no dizziness."

"Good. No regrets?" He asked more gently.

"Not yet, I haven't tasted your cooking yet though."

"Says the micro-meal queen."

She slapped his arm, "Bugger off. I never have anybody to cook for, what's the point."

"Well I'm hardly Gordon Ramsey."

"Thank goodness."

"But I can rustle up bacon sarnies for breakfast. Tea or coffee?"

"The coffee smells great."

"Okay, I'll go pour, give you time to... there's a robe in the end wardrobe."

"A spare one?" She asked, half-amused.

He nodded, "Don't hold it against me."

"Well, I know you like to entertain. Am I the first woman to share your bed with her underwear still on?"

He laughed, "Very possibly yes." He leant forward and kissed her. "Good morning."

"Good morning," she whispered against his lips. "I can't believe you got me into bed on our first date."

* * *

She'd left his place just after noon, it would have been earlier but it seemed to take rather a long time to say goodbye. She'd been by the door ready to go, coat on, taxi ordered and then he'd kissed her and she found she couldn't stop kissing him. It was becoming something of a habit.

"I'll call you later," she finally whispered against his lips.

"Hmm, alright, wanna do something tonight? Go out somewhere?"

"Maybe," he was holding her tight, his hands dangerously close to her ass as he pulled her body flush against his. "I'm meant to be cheering up a friend; she needs a movie, ice-cream and wine." She said.

"Guy trouble I'm guessing."

"They all need a good kick up the arse."

He nuzzled her neck, "I think I got mine."

"Mmm," she was closing her eyes, melting into it. "Robbie, stop, I have to go." She moaned as he nipped her skin. "Stop..."

He moved his face back to hers, "Okay."

"Okay." She pressed her hands against his chest pushing away, "I'm glad you finally saw sense."

"So am I." He watched her go, a silly grin on his face as he did so, and when he returned to his flat it seemed a little less enticing.

* * *

Jackie had just stepped out of the shower, her hair was still damp, she was dressed in her robe and slippers and contemplating ordering a pizza in and enjoying a bottle of wine and a soppy rom-com when the phone rang.

"What you doin'?"

"Entertaining five men at once, you?"

"Just leaving my apartment."

"Going somewhere nice?"

"Out... what's all that rattling?"

"I'm searching for a corkscrew."

"Don't, I'll buy you Champagne later."

"What?"

"We're going out, its Saturday night and I'm gonna make you dance."

"It's almost 9:30."

"So, nothing to get up for tomorrow. Live a little."

"I'm in my mid-forties, I've lived."

He chuckled, "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

And he hung up.

Of course, being any sensible woman, her first thought was 'what to wear?' What made it worse was that the words 'Saturday', 'dancing' and 'what to wear' didn't often feature in her vocabulary. She imagined Robbie surrounded by twenty-somethings in skimpy outfits, sweaty bodies writhing around the dance floor. He'd fit right in as some kind of sugar-daddy. Her on the other hand...

Heels had never been kind to her but she did her best, finding a high black pair, slipping in insoles and hoping for the best. Black was the only colour she'd wear on a night out, so a simple dress it was, though she did make the effort to choose lacy underwear – just in case.

He was ringing her door bell before she'd even finished her make-up. Her wet towels were still on the hall floor and she was fretting about how she looked.

"Well, this was a real treat of an idea." She complained the second she opened the door. "Taking you out dancing Jacks, get sexy. I'm not some Angelina type you know, I don't do sexy." She was stomping back down the hall, collecting the towels from the floor and trying not to trip on the carpet in her heels.

He grabbed her from behind. Holding her body still, pulling her back against him and whispering in her ear, "I think you're very sexy."

He slowly turned her round in his arms. "Shall we start again? Hi Jackie, good day? Looking gorgeous," he gently kissed her, "missed you."

"Liar," she whispered back, "you've been at the footie, I bet you never even noticed."

He laughed. "So, are we going out? You might have fun; I want you to have fun." He glanced at her chest, "Why's your skin so blotchy?"

"Oh god, because I'm nervous." She yanked herself free of his arms and headed back into the bathroom, he followed. "I'm flustered; it's part of being female and middle-aged."

"That dress is..."

"Awful? Old?"

"Perfect." He leant against the doorframe, "Is the ass part of being female and middle-aged?"

Despite her annoyance at his apparent sexism she couldn't help but smile, she looked from the mirror to his cheeky expression. "I'm sorry, I should be grateful of a second date so soon."

"Did you ever doubt it?"

She shrugged, "Perhaps. I did let you feel me up on the first date."

"More to come Jacks."

"I can hardly wait." She turned back to him, snapping the lid down on her lipstick, "There, done. We can go, oh I need a bag."

"No, no bag, nothing to fuss with, just as you come. I'll pay; you can get the next date."

He held her again.

"A third date already?"

"Absolutely. Let's go. It's after 10, I'm ready to dance."

* * *

The club wasn't how she expected. Not seething with skinny girls in skimpy outfits dancing on tables. It was dark enough that she could relax a little, and two glasses of champagne drunk in quick succession did much to ease her concerns.

Still, it took a while before she consented to join him on the dance floor. Their table was hidden towards the back of the club, on a raised seating area and she was more than happy to sit the night away right there, drinking and flirting.

"So," he whispered so close to her face. "You ready to give it a go yet?"

"Mmm, maybe."

He stroked his finger down her cheek, "Do you know how beautiful you look right now."

"Mr Charmer..." She took a sip of her champagne, taking her eyes from his.

"And you're so determined not to fall for it."

This time she held his stare, leaning into him, her knees moving between his. "What makes you think I haven't already? A thousand times over."

And she kissed him. Slowly this time, not like the night before, tantalisingly slow and measured. Her lips at first soft against his and then firmer, applying more pressure until he was moaning into her mouth.

Then she pulled back with a smile.

He took a deep breath, slowly opened his eyes, "You're playing with me Reid."

"Oh how I'd like to..." she teased, standing, reaching for his hand and leading him to the dance floor.

And several hours later they were still there. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so free and relaxed. Twirling her around to the upbeat tracks, hot and heavy in the dusky light, pressed close for the slow beats. Occasionally his mouth brushing hers. It was intimate and sexy and above all, fun.

* * *

"Oh god I'm so drunk. Two nights in a row. You're bad for me."

"You can't be, not if you're coherent enough to say you are." He held his fingers to her mouth, a whisky soaked sugar cube between his fingers. "Give it a go." He rubbed her lips with it until she consented and let him place it on her tongue.

"Mmm, now..." she swallowed it, reaching for his single malt, "Now that is disgusting."

"Delicacy." He contradicted, soaking one for himself.

"Where?" She laughed wiping her mouth.

He tapped the table, "Right here."

She laughed again, leaning back in her chair. "It's so late, and my feet hurt."

"Want me to take you home?" He reached for her hand, both of them leaning towards each other now across the table.

She smiled, "No, I don't want Saturday to end because then it's Sunday and almost work and... and that's the first time I think I haven't wanted to go to work. I love my job, as dark and hard as it can be."

"I, of all people, know that. But we have had a pretty decent time."

"Decent?"

"Don't wanna jinx it."

"Mr cool now... Let's go for a walk and get pizza."

He glanced at his watch, "It's after 2 you know.

"And there are still people dancing. I think I might be too were it not for my feet."

* * *

"You know this is pretty romantic." He agreed, taking a bite of pizza.

"See, I told you, pizza at 3am by a fountain under the moonlight... teenagers written all over it. And you using the word romance."

"I can be romantic."

"Oh I'm sure!"

"I meant _despite_ the sex side of it."

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm seeing that. And dancing was fun, so thank you for getting me out and burning off all those calories just so I could eat this and not feel quite so bad."

"Anytime."

She got up, stretching her back. "Its cold sat there honey."

He spluttered, "Honey? I'm honey now."

She mentally cursed herself, "Sorry, that just kinda... you're not a honey person."

"Well, I don't know, I've never been called it before. What shall I call you – babe?"

"Jackie perhaps." She replied deadpan.

"Will do. Jacks."

She slapped his shoulder. "Okay, I have to go home and try to sleep. Wanna share a taxi?"

He reached for her, his hands circling her waist and drawing her to him, "It was a good date."

"It was a great date. But not tonight... not yet."

"You're making me wait."

She smiled, just slightly, feeling a little smug. "I don't want it to end too quickly."

"And if we have sex it will?"

"You know, when we get to the point where you want to make love to me then I'll be ready for you to come home with me." She leant down kissing him deeply. "For now, goodnight Robbie."


	5. Chapter 5

_Hope people are still reading! Sorry its taken a while to update, work gets in the way..._

**A Changed Man – chapter 5**

It was a hell of day; thick rain coming down in sheets blinding the view ahead and working hand-in-hand with it the north wind battering the old buildings. It seemed to Robbie that even the window pane in front of him shook with the force of it, rattling the very screws.

He wiped the condensation from the glass to take a peek at the street below. Today was a slow one, and he hated that, his mind needed to be occupied. More than that, he needed to be out of the office. He dreaded bumping into Campbell and being the subject of one of her many deathly, withering stares. She'd had it in for him for months and he was walking a very thin line, he was well aware of that fact.

"_But you understand this, you've got to change._

"I will, I promise."

He remembered Jackie's words from a few months earlier; said then as a friend perhaps wanting more. Now, they were very much more than friends, and as apprehensive as he'd been about it all, once it had begun it swept him along in a rush of excitement and rightness. Though he'd never tell her this, being with her was like settling into a comfy chair with a fine malt at the end of a working day.

But it wasn't helping his mood on this particular day. Probation. Like a naughty schoolboy being given his warning. There was a side of him that wanted to screw the lot of them and disappear on a bender, stick two fingers to the establishment and quit.

Then there was the sensible side that advised caution and playing the game, and the emerging happiness with Jackie...

"Daydreaming DI Ross, our money's being well spent I see."

A flurry of red snapped at him as she marched past and he bit his tongue, crunched the coffee cup in his hand and threw it across the corridor into the bin before striding back towards the office.

Jackie caught his arm as he whipped past her, "Hey, Robbie."

He shook her off, "I need a drink." He made a grab for his coat, swinging his chair round as he did so and marched out of the office, banging the door behind him.

Jackie scanned the room and when nobody seemed to be paying any more attention than usual she headed out after him.

"Robbie, Robbie wait." He was around the corner, doing his best to ignore her imploring voice.

She continued chasing after him, her heels resounding down the cold, empty corridor. "Hang on, for God's sake."

He stopped; something in her voice caught him, and leant back against the whitewashed wall. If he smoked now would be the time to light up.

"Don't just walk away," she gasped for breath, trying to regain her composure and slow down her racing heart. "I'm too old for chasing you down corridors."

He smiled now, shook his head. "Sorry, got a bit..."

"A bit Robbie-like. Wanna tell me what happened?"

He glanced at the floor, hands in pockets like a kid caught doing wrong.

"Hey," she touched his arm, "it's me remember."

He looked up into her clear eyes, full of concern and tenderness. "On probation, Campbell..." He rolled his eyes, "Wants me out Jackie, I'd say my days are numbered."

"Not necessarily, if you're on probation that means you've got a chance."

"Alright for you to say, golden girl of the moment."

"Don't snap at me, this isn't my fault."

"No... no..." he shook his head again, closed his eyes and leant has head back against the cool tiles. "Such a fuck up."

"No," she touched his arm again, moving into his body, one hand reaching for his. "You aren't, you've been doing so much better. Back to your best, on the ball again, sharp... don't ruin it now by taking a shitty day down to the pub."

He placed his hand over hers, squeezing it. "I don't deserve you."

"I've often thought that."

He touched his cheek with his free hand. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she whispered in return.

Heavy footsteps ruined the intimacy of the moment and they both turned to see the retreating figure of Chris.

"Oh Christ; that's not good." She cursed. "He must think I'm a complete..."

Robbie shared her concern, "Think he'll talk?"

"I don't know, he's not the gossip type."

"I could talk to him."

"Hardly the smartest idea." She couldn't help but smile at his lopsided grin. "Look, I have a few things to finish up before I leave. Wanna have dinner, I'll cook?"

"Sure, it's Thursday and there's never anything on TV on a Thursday."

She whacked his arm, "I'm glad I'm at the top of your priorities. See you about 7:00?" She said as she walked back down the corridor. "And no pub."

He saluted, "Yes ma'am."

* * *

"It just seems so bloody unfair."

"Do we have to go over this again?" She plonked a bottle of wine down in front of him, "Let's forget about work for a while hey, open the wine, dinner's almost ready."

He watched her for a moment, finishing the salad, checking on the steaks. The warmth of her kitchen, the cosiness of it all. Finally he got up and started to uncork the wine.

"I feel almost domesticated." He quipped as he eased the cork out.

"That will never happen."

"I could take offence." He filled her glass and half-filled his.

"Come on, you, domesticated, it's never gonna happen." She placed the bowl of salad on the table. "And I wouldn't want it. You are what you are; I'm used to it now."

"Cheers," he sipped the wine. "Nice choice."

"You can have more than that, I didn't say don't drink, just don't get wasted every night and forget how you got home."

"Like a wife."

She bridled a little at the comment, at once two-sided; she had already begun to wonder if they'd make it that far, or if she'd forever be a divorcee. And if they did, how the hell would it ever work?

"You'd be lucky," she replied instead, serving dinner.

"I thought you couldn't cook."

"You made that assumption, just because I don't cook very often doesn't mean I'm incapable of it.

"I make a mean banoffee pie," he offered.

"How did I know you'd be a dessert man?"

He swallowed, "This is good. And ladies, most ladies, have a very sweet tooth, so offering a decent dessert can be the key to success."

"Oh how I love sitting here listening to how you managed your many conquests."

He held his glass up to her, "To my many conquests."

"Smug bastard." She said as she clinked his glass with hers.

* * *

The room seemed so dark and heavy, intoxicating, filled with the musky scent of lust. Her denial that this was what she wanted was gradually diminishing. Of course, she'd always wanted it, wanted him. Pictured him making love to her a hundred different ways over the years. And it wasn't that she wasn't ready for it, her body was humming at his touch and crying out for more.

But god she wanted it to mean something when it happened, maybe she was being over-dramatic, making it into some huge love story when it wasn't. She certainly didn't mean to drag the moment out, she just wanted to be sure, for both of them to be. Kissing could be forgotten in time, but if they had sex then she'd find it next to impossible to sit across from him for another fifteen years if their relationship ended.

"Jackie," he whispered by her ear, his mouth moving down her cheek, over her lips, nipping at her neck. His legs were between hers and she found she was already wrapping her thighs around him, urging him on, their bodies already finding that natural rhythm. And how well they fit together.

She was glad she was in trousers though; otherwise this would have already entered the next stage. Her fingers clawed over his bare back, his shirt long since discarded, and she took pleasure in kissing his shoulder, up to his neck, fingers tangling in his hair, his heavy, musky fragrance flooding every sense.

"Jackie, Jackie, Jackie," he mumbled as he moved down her chest, her blouse open, his hands cupping her lace-covered breasts. She actually moaned when he squeezed them, far too loud for a respectable woman who was trying to disguise the fact that he was the first ever man to make her feel _this_ intense so very quickly.

"Robbie," she breathed, his fingers moving between her legs to search, "oh god... not that." His hand moved again and instead he returned to kissing her chest, over her stomach, his fingers reaching for one of her hands and folding them together.

She smiled, allowing herself to relax into the sublime moment; he knew this was as far as it went tonight and he seemed to agree, or at the very least accept it.

She pulled at his body until his head was back by hers and she could kiss him properly and they lay like that for what seemed forever. Spooned together, bodies wrapped so tightly and their mouths wandering and tasting and saying everything so silently but leaving no doubt as to how the other felt. This wasn't just some fumble or conquest; she was really beginning to believe in that.

"I better get going," he whispered by her ear, her back pressed against his chest, her eyes closed and the firelight dancing over her pale skin. He propped his head up on one arm to look at her, so delicate and sweet at that very moment. Dark, glossy curls spread over the pillow, half dressed and an expression of serenity.

"Not yet," she mumbled, pressing his hand against her stomach. "The wind's howling."

"I know," he kissed her shoulder, "And the rain still pouring. But it's late, and we both have to be in early tomorrow." He paused. "Maybe this weekend...?"

He left the question open, maybe this weekend they could meet and do something perhaps. Or maybe this weekend would be _the_ weekend when he finally stayed over for real.

"Maybe this weekend what?"

"We could do something, go away maybe?"

"Mmm," she moaned in response. "That sounds nice, but short notice."

"I'll try and sort something," he whispered, moving to kiss her mouth.

"I'm so comfy," she replied.

"Me too, you're soft and smell good, and it's warm, out there it's icy November."

"So don't go yet." Her eyes flickered open; she looked up at him and smiled. "I want to go to bed."

"I know, you're half asleep." He kissed her deeply. "Have I mentioned recently that I happen to be in love with you?" He whispered by her lips.

She half-smiled, part of her wanting to return the endearment, part of her not wanting to reveal the depth of her love just yet.

"And I don't say that very often," he added.

"I know." Her voice was suddenly very clear, the affection in her eyes giving him just enough encouragement.

"Okay, I'll see you in the morning, skinny latte right?"

He was struggling to get up without moving her body too much, looking for his shirt and his legs tangled with hers and as a result slipped and fell off the edge of the couch, a hysterical Jackie glancing down at him.

"Bloody hell." He cursed, reaching for his shirt where it had landed under the coffee table.

"Occupational hazard?" She asked, sitting up and holding her hand out to him. "Here, let me help you up."

"Cheers."

"So, really, go away this weekend?"

"Sure, somewhere quiet, do some walking... or something..."

"Or something..." she added with a smile watching him dress. The weekend couldn't come quick enough.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry this chapter took SO long - work got in the way and then I found it difficult to get the ideas down onto virtual paper - I must have written and scrapped it at least 5 times! Anyhow, they finally 'get it on' - and throughout I kept thinking of that Blue Nile song playing in the background in 'Genesis', how well the lyrics fit Robbie.

_I have wandered_  
_From place to place_  
_And I have raised my weary hand_  
_To my face_

_But I would never_  
_Turn my back_  
_On your love_

_Is there anybody there who knows me?_  
_Is there any body there who knows now?_  
_That I will be home soon_

**A Changed Man – chapter 6**

It was meant to have been a three hour drive tops, but as always the weather had other ideas and it was after 9p.m. when they finally arrived at the cabin. Skidding to a halt just short of the steps up to it Robbie cast a worried glance in Jackie's direction.

"Perhaps not the best weather to be navigating side roads."

She slid her seatbelt off, glad just to be there at last, she hadn't said anything to him but had been dying for the loo for the past hour. "As always Ross, you have the most wonderful timing." She reached into the back seat for her bag and the keys they'd been handed about a mile down the road at the owner's place. "Still can't quite believe you managed to swing this in such a short space of time."

"Easy, nobody wants a cabin in the middle of nowhere when it's this bloody cold. Even on a bank holiday."

"For good reason," she added and gingerly opened the door, the icy chill smacking her in the face as she did so. "God I hope we have hot water. I need a bath."

The thought of sliding into a hot bubble bath with her was almost a step too far, and he for one was glad of the cold as he followed her up the steps to the cabin.

"Door's a bit stiff," she said pushing against it.

Robbie leant his weight against the other side and they were soon inside, the warmth and cosiness of the room drawing them in.

"Well this is alright for a couple of days."

"Mmm, it is." She searched for a light.

"Stick the kettle on, I'll grab the bags." He bounded back outside into the snow.

"I'm sorry," she called after him, "did you just say 'stick the kettle on', am I the little wife suddenly?"

"I love your comebacks; everything's so straightforward with you."

He kicked the door shut behind him and dropped their bags by it as he scanned the now lit room; nothing fancy but perfectly suitable for the pair of them. A lounge, couple of comfy sofas, large fire, small dining table in the kitchen area, and a short hall leading down to where the two bedrooms were. God how he hoped they'd only need one.

"Straightforward? Are you saying I'm difficult because..."

He stopped her mouth with a kiss.

"That's not fair," she said after.

"Let's just acknowledge the fact that the pair of us loves the banter hey, but for the next two days I'd rather we got on."

She smiled, "Then no more presumptions that I'm the woman so I'll cook."

"_I'll _cook." He said resting his hands on her ass, the move didn't go unnoticed and she bridled a little against him.

"There's no nearby pizza place you know, no Chinese you can order from."

"I'll cook from scratch; I can if the need arises."

"Full of surprises."

"I organised the weekend. I'll treat you. So, cup of tea, bath for you and I'll make dinner, get a fire going... open some wine."

"...Set the mood?" She interrupted.

"Alright, if that's what you want, I'd a thought you'd only come out here to get your hands on my body."

"Ay, you go on believing that. I think you're the one doing the seducing."

"As always," he smirked.

* * *

Jackie glanced at the clock, it was late, almost 1a.m. and they'd spent the majority of the evening sitting on the floor drinking and talking. Their plates from earlier were still stacked on the coffee table, now pushed to the side of the sofa so they could stretch out on the rug in front of the fire.

"We should do the dishes."

"Why?" He asked, half asleep, languid in the warmth and comfort of the room.

"Because. Dried macaroni cheese is going to be a real pain to clean."

He smirked, "Nobody will see, we can do them tomorrow." He pulled her tighter to him, kissed the top of her head where it rested on his chest. "This is good." He mumbled into her hair.

"Mmm," she tried to relax, but something about the sight of the dirty dishes lying there, remains of food drying by the fire... She shifted again, sitting up.

"What's wrong now?" He asked, jerked out of his relaxation by her sudden movement.

"I can't just leave them. Call me sad but it bothers me."

"Christ Jacks, take a day off, you don't always have to be mum."

"No, and you don't always have to be the brat teenager neither." She quickly got up, taking the dishes into the kitchen.

He gave it a few seconds then followed her, leaning against the adjoining wall between the kitchen and lounge. Her silhouette was on the wall beside the sink, the moonlight catching her wonderfully in the dim light of the room.

"You could help."

"Wanna tell me what this is really about?"

She shrugged, "What's that mean?"

"Come on, I may be a 'brat teenager' but I'm not a stupid one."

She smiled, her hands in the soapy water as she twisted her neck to look back at him. "How well you fit that label."

"I do my best." He moved behind her, his hands lightly resting on her hips. "So, talk to me. What's wrong?"

"I didn't take you for the affectionate type."

"I'm usually not," he admitted.

"I know," she said lowly.

He shifted his head from where it rested on her shoulder, "What?"

She didn't respond.

"That's what's bothering you; you think I'm messing about here?"

"No of course not. I just... I like this, I'm enjoying what we have, what if we get to bed and it's not all we expect after all this build up and then, then we lose this too?"

He couldn't help but laugh and she hit him with the towel.

"Not funny."

"Oh come on, you think we're going to have bad sex?"

"It could happen."

"In which parallel universe? Jackie, stop worrying." He gently kissed her, "I love every inch of you, and when you're ready I'll kiss every beautiful inch of you."

"Ever the charmer." But she dropped the towel, slid her hands up over his shoulders and pressed into him. He leant into the kiss.

She still couldn't quite believe how much she loved kissing him. Each and every time it rendered her mindless, and she wasn't the type of woman to lose control easily. She'd always been so measured and level-headed and independent. But god with him...

She moaned into his mouth.

He smiled, the arrogant side of him still reared its head occasionally and he was almost proud of the effect he had on her. He'd always wondered just how she'd respond to him; for many years now he thought there was more to Jackie Reid.

And yet, for some strange reason, he actually felt a twinge of nerves. Despite all his bravado and boastful sexual prowess he did actually want to please her. It was a turn-up for him to find he really cared.

"Jackie," he whispered against her lips.

"Mmm, don't talk now." She stepped back from him, knowing that this now was the moment and she really didn't want it to stop. In one swift movement she'd pulled her jumper up over her head and tossed it aside.

He wasn't the type of man to fumble in this situation.

He lifted her up and onto the table, his hands moving from her waist up her back, hot and heavy against her bare skin. She pulled at his t-shirt, teasing the material up over his chest until he stopped kissing her long enough to yank it over his head. He smiled at her as she threw it aside and there was such affection in his gaze she felt herself fall for him all over again.

His mouth was on her neck, humming over his skin and she leant back, hands flat on the table behind her as she supported herself. He was enjoying this and she was enjoying giving him that pleasure. In that position her breasts were pushed forward and he took the opportunity to finally touch her without boundary or fear of it stopping. She couldn't help but think of all the times she'd imagined this very moment; being with him, kissing him, touching him. And now it was happening and part of her still didn't quite believe it.

His lips moved back up her neck, nipping lightly, until he reached her mouth and kissed her so delicately. She wound her arms up around his back and let him support her weight.

"You don't want to stop now, do you?" he whispered against her lips and she couldn't help but laugh.

She nudged his mouth with hers in response to his question.

"Look at me," he was holding her head, one hand in her hair, the other tracing her skin with his thumb.

"So demanding," she teased, but she opened her eyes and held his gaze.

"Your eyes are sparkling."

"Maybe I'm happy." She sat forward, pushing him back a little but he still held onto her body. Reaching behind her she quickly unclipped her bra and let it fall down. "And no, I don't want to stop."

When she pressed her body against his he felt his heart swell, her skin so silky soft, breasts warm and heavy against his chest. And for a while they just held each other, so tightly, and let their mouths discover the others.

It wasn't until Jackie's hand slid down between his legs that the moment took on a new jolt and he moaned into her mouth so very loudly it surprised her a little. He hadn't realised how long it had been since he'd last done this, and he wasn't a man used to sleeping alone every weekend.

"God, if you do that..." he held his hand over hers. "This is going to be an embarrassing first time."

"You have something to prove?" There was a glint in her eyes as she watched him struggle to hold back.

"Only fifteen years of boasting."

"Perhaps you have plenty to boast about." She toyed with his belt buckle, and he stood still as she did, watching as she undressed him until he stood completely naked in front of her.

"Feel better now?" He asked, exposed in the moonlight.

"Oh much," she bit down on her lip; leaning back on the table again and watching him kick his clothes aside. She hazarded guesses over the years, had been in enough situations with him to have a good idea on sizes and shapes, but to have him there naked in front of her was quite something...

"Hey, stop staring and come join me." He pulled on her hands. "Little unfair right now."

She slid down from the table, very much aware of being topless and how her breasts moved free of a bra, and how she'd put weight on over the past year and no longer had the waist of a young woman. But he didn't seem to mind.

"You're so very gorgeous," she complimented, running her hands over his chest.

"And you're so very beautiful."

She narrowed her eyes.

"You are," he kissed her shoulder. "Your skin is the purest I've ever seen."

She wasn't sure if he spoke the truth or not, but it didn't really matter, his words did the trick, she felt special, she wanted him, and she did feel beautiful as he touched her.

* * *

Robbie glanced over toward the fire, now but a dim ember burning in the hearth. Jackie was snuggled tight against him and he pulled the quilt tighter around them rather than get up and rebuild the fire.

She murmured before moving slightly, her hand splayed out over his chest, her mouth tenderly brushing over his skin. "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere," he smiled, kissing her head, "never again."

She laughed, lifting her head up to look at him, "We hide out here forever?"

"Exactly, and they can find us years from now, dead from starvation and too much sex."

"Oh what a romantic way to go," she pulled herself up, reaching over to the coffee table and a glass of water. He noted how she didn't attempt to cover herself as she moved and once again he marvelled at the fullness of her breasts.

"What time is it?" He asked, stretching out on his back.

She squinted at the clock; "Just after four I think, I haven't been up this late in..." she smiled down at him. "I sense this could become a common occurrence with you."

He smirked, "If you're lucky."

"If I'm lucky..." She put her glass down, leaning over him again, one hand either side of his body as she supported herself and hovered tantalisingly close to him. "Surely you're the lucky one."

"Oh god yes."

"Mmm," she lowered her mouth to his, delicately at first until they both melted into it again and his arms were around her, hands on her back, fingertips doing their magic and she knew he was absolutely right... there was nowhere she'd ever want to be but right here doing this.

"You know there's no going back now," she said as he turned them over, moving his mouth down her neck, over her collarbone, down to her breasts.

"Back to where?" He mumbled, breathing lightly on her skin.

"After this," she gasped at his touch. "No more just friends."

"You are my friend," he moved back to her mouth, to look at her, hold her gaze. "Always been my best friend. I'm just too much of an idiot to realise you can have both – lover and friend."

She slid her hands up to his shoulders, locking her fingers together behind his neck. "So will you refer to me as your 'lover' now?"

"Hardly my style – but you're number one on my speed dial if that means anything." He dipped his head down to kiss her again but she stopped him.

"Can I ask something of you?"

"Anything..."

"Will you delete them all?"

"Who?"

"The other women stacked up in your phonebook. I think it's time you went exclusive Mr Ross."

"For you, undoubtedly," now he kissed her. "I love you."

She brushed his lips with her thumb, those clear eyes promising her so much. "I love you too, but then I think you've known that over these past few months, if not for years."

The fact this was the first time she'd spoken those words to him wasn't lost and he took a moment to absorb how much it meant.

He smiled, though serious. "I won't turn my back on that."

And he was sincere. The usual joker, the charmer, the seducer – it all melted away really when the one thing you wanted in life was to be with someone who loved you as you loved them, who had your back when nobody else cared. And she was always that person. And always would be.

* * *

Please review :-) x R


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's taken a while and it's a bit short - but don't worry I've already written the next chapter, it just needs checking.**

**Don't own them, never will :-(**

**A Changed Man – Chapter 7**

Robbie's grin was comparable to a lottery winner's. He almost pranced down the corridor, round the corner and into the office, dropping down into his chair and opening the paper bag containing a bacon sandwich.

"Stop it," Jackie whispered as she dropped a pile of letters to her desk, careful not to make eye contact with him.

"Stop what?" He teased, leaning forward towards her.

"That smile, people will notice. You look smug, it's not attractive."

He chuckled but followed as she went to make tea. "Come on Jacks, I'm allowed to be smug." He brushed his hand across her hip and whispered, "Something of a revelation."

She side stepped him, "Don't do that," but there was a light smile on her face as she shook her head. "Revelation... do you want a cup of tea?"

"Sure," he held his hands up, "I'll behave. For now."

* * *

"_It's so cold," she tugged on the sheets dragging them up around her neck, "Bloody cold." She laughed, "Trust you to book a weekend away when we have some of the worst snow."_

"_If only I could predict the weather hey," he searched the cupboards for more blankets, "Will try and dig some logs out tomorrow so we can light the fire."_

_She was laughing again, almost hysterically; he looked over at her rolling around in the bed. "So much for romance," she said to his concerned expression, "Functioning might be difficult in this temperature."_

"_I'm functioning fine thanks."_

"_Well come and get in bed then, honestly Robbie take the hint."_

"_You're quite the slave driver."_

"_I've waited years for this; I want to make the most of it."_

_

* * *

_

He kept having flashbacks. The feel of her body lying next to his, the weight of her thighs wrapped around him, her smell, the sound of her voice, the voice he'd heard a thousand times before somehow taking on new, fresh tones.

"Robbie!"

He snapped his head round at Burke's bark. "Thought I sent you on an errand."

"Yeah, right, I'm off sir."

"Should have been off hours ago. What the hell's wrong with you today man?"

Jackie sniggered, hiding her face behind a file as Robbie scuttled out the door. Who knew she would have such an effect on him.

* * *

"_I like your hair like that." He whispered into the darkness, his mouth by her neck as he alternated between kissing her skin and talking._

"_You do?" She shifted a little on her back, giving him better access. "You never said," her voice was barely audible, eyes closed despite the darkness of the room. Intoxicated by the heavy scent of lust, the warm spread of contentment throughout her body, she never wanted this to end._

"_Easier to tease than compliment." He slowly dragged his tongue up her throat until he reached her chin._

_She gasped at the sensation, "You're complimenting now."_

"_Easier in the dark," his mouth hovered above hers, "like this."_

_She drew one hand up his back, nails tracing a pattern up his spine and then sliding into his hair to guide his mouth down to hers. She doubted she'd ever tire of kissing him._

_Their skin was sticky, tangled in the many sheets Jackie had laid on the bed earlier to keep out the cold, bodies moving together so smoothly as if they'd done this a thousand times before._

_He rolled them over, her body above his, lips never ceasing in their exploration. She smiled as his hand gripped her ass, chuckling a little into his mouth._

"_Not a time to laugh Jacks,"_

"_Sorry." She kissed him, her finger tips taking in his face, eyes open now. "Sorry. Sorry." She punctuated each word with a kiss._

"_Forgiven," he breathed heavily as her breasts pushed against his chest as she moved, drawling her legs up to support herself as she straddled him._

_

* * *

_

"Jackie, Jackie, I said what do you think, should I go with it?"

Haphazardly she stared down at the pictures Mita had slid across her desk, searching her brain for some sort of logical response but truth be told she didn't quite know where she was now let alone what advice she could offer.

"I..." She swallowed. "It sounds like as good a lead as any. Go with it." She bit down on her lip as she watched the young lady return to her desk. "Get a grip, get a grip," she whispered to herself. She wasn't some girl gushing over her first time... but it was a first time... and god it was good... so good... and she wanted to do it over and over again, anytime anyplace.

Smiling she cast her eyes to Robbie's empty chair.

* * *

"_What's wrong?" Robbie asked concerned, standing by the car waiting for Jackie to make a last sweep of the cabin before they left._

"_Nothing," she locked the door, gripped the handrail and hobbled down to the car._

"_It's not slippy, I checked."_

"_I'm fine."_

"_Look awkward."_

"_I wouldn't tell you anyway, you'll only get a huge complex. Get in the car."_

_He did as she instructed, shrugging, she was never one to debate the finer points with when she was in a mood._

_Starting the engine he was just leaning round to reverse when she spoke._

"_My thighs ache... a little... a lot."_

"_What?" But a smile was already spreading, "you mean...?"_

"_You know what I mean, start driving, don't talk. My legs ache. I'm sore. I've never had so much sex in one go in such a short space of time. And don't get bigheaded or you'll never see me naked again."_

_He laughed all the way to the main road._

_

* * *

_

She was just heading out to the car park when he caught up with her, jogging past and then turning to walk backwards, facing her.

"Hi," he grinned.

"Hello," she replied, sliding on her gloves. "Didn't realise you were back."

"Just." He stopped as they neared her car. "So you er, wanna do something tonight?"

"_Do_ something?" She laughed. "Robbie, it's Monday night and I'm shattered after a long, exhausting weekend."

He stepped beside her, at the side of the car, hidden a little from view in the darkness.

"And?"

"And..." she mirrored his low tone, "I need to get some sleep." She gently kissed his mouth. "But thank you, I haven't had such a good time in... well, I think it's safe to say I've found something better than chocolate-chunk shortbread."

He laughed and caught her hand before she pulled away, "I'll miss you. Sleeping beside you."

She shook her head, leant into him again, "You'll miss waking me up in insistent ways. You can take me to the movies tomorrow, if nothing comes up, there's a film I want to see."

He smirked as she slid into the car, god she was difficult. "A film, are we back to dating again?"

"We never stopped. It's more fun I think than the old ball and chain."

"Can't fault you there. Guess I'll go for a drink on my own then." He teased, leaning on the open car door.

"Well, behave."

"Of course. Wouldn't dare not to."

"Good, I have a mean right hook. Goodnight Robbie." She tugged on the door but he held it tight and knelt down beside her.

"I haven't kissed you properly in almost twenty-four hours." And so he leant into the car and resolved that fact, slowly reminding her just how good he was at that particular act. And just when she was beginning to melt and moan into his mouth he stopped, drew back and smiled.

"Goodnight Jackie," he said as he closed the door.

Sometimes it was nice to have the upper-hand on her, though it never was for very long.

He watched her drive away, knew she was watching him in the mirror, and couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly happy. This was really working.

* * *

_**Please review!**_


	8. Chapter 8

**The longest chapter of the story follows the shortest! You didn't really think Robbie was gonna find changing _that_ straightforward did you...?**

**A Changed Man – Chapter 8**

She was dressing in the bedroom; she could hear Robbie fussing with the radio trying to tune in to some race or other. She couldn't really understand the fascination with it but he loved it so let him be, he could have a day of racing on the radio and footie with his mates, she would have a day of shopping and a massage in the afternoon. The massage was his suggestion; apparently he had them all the time... she wondered if it was more to do with the young girls than the relaxation.

It had been months now instead of weeks and she still had to pinch herself every now and then to check it was real. She and Robbie were really making a go of it, and it was working. There had been the odd hiccup of course, he couldn't keep to times and he had an awful habit of dropping clothes where he stood and leaving them for the remainder of the week. But for the most part they got on. She tried not to nag. He had stopped his flirting... mostly.

They were still alternating between his flat and hers and she didn't mind that either. They were both so fiercely independent, it was good that they could still have that and felt no insistent need to move forward. She wanted to take it as slowly as possible, be as cautious as they could and make sure it really was the right step.

That didn't mean she hadn't thought about the possibility of them living together or the fact that she was waiting for him to broach the subject before she did... she just hoped it wasn't too far in the future. For now things were good, she was happy, she was in love, and it felt so good to finally have that love returned. She felt she'd waited a lifetime for it.

Last night Robbie had cooked, it was becoming something of a habit, and they'd made love on the couch before... and after. That was becoming something of a habit too. Or was it a drug? In past relationships she'd found that initially the sex life was full of passion and desire and a never-quenching thirst, after a while that seemed to die down and settle into the normal 'relationship' routine.

With Robbie, she couldn't keep her hands off him! She always thought of him as being highly-sexed, something of an old-fashioned guy when it came to women and sex. How wrong she'd been. If anything she was the more demanding one. Though he never disappointed.

She shook her head, trying to disperse her smile before applying mascara. Robbie's bedroom was better lit than the bathroom and she'd stayed in there to dress and apply make-up whilst he put the coffee on. When the phone rang, she ignored it, he could pick it up in the kitchen, it was his phone anyway.

"Robbie," she called. But obviously he couldn't hear it over the incessant rambling of the radio. She moved to the bedroom door, "Robbie!" she called again but the machine picked it up. She let it and resumed applying make-up.

"_Hi, Robbie, this is Sara, I wanted to say about the other night, last week, it was really good to see you, and if you wanna do it again, you know what I mean. Call me."_

She couldn't hear. There was a sudden buzzing in her ears that seemed to be getting louder.

Her stomach felt tight. Throat dry. Head spinning. Legs wobbly.

Oh god.

She moved backwards, sat on the edge of the bed, gripped the tube of mascara like it was some kind of lifesaver.

It had been five months. Five wonderful months. At least she thought they were. Why did he have to do it? Why now when she was just beginning to believe this would last?

Remembering who she was she pulled herself upright, found her handbag, stuffed her belongings inside. She had clothes in his wardrobe, several pairs of shoes too, but she'd have to come back another time.

Already practical. Already planning on how to move forward. Her coat was hanging in the other room. She bit her lip, headed into the lounge, grabbed her coat from the couch.

"You off?" He was suddenly beside her, hands reaching for her. "You look nice," he tried to pull her to him but she resisted, his hands were on her hips. "Don't I get a kiss before you go, we won't see each other for at least six hours, that's forever..." He leant into her.

"Who's Sara?"

His face froze. "What?"

"Sara. The girl you spent the night with. Was it Wednesday? When I stayed at home? Or when I worked late?" She was trying to maintain calm, trying to use the sarcasm to hide behind. "I'm assuming it was then, she said the other night, but really it could be any night. I mean, I miss so much, how can I _possibly _know you haven't waited til I'm asleep and crept out?"

She pulled away from him, marching towards the door, grabbing her car keys from the coffee table. The night before she'd dropped them there as she came in and he'd made dinner and there were candles and wine and making love in front of the fire.

"You total bastard!" She suddenly roared, heartbroken.

"Jackie, wait, wait," he jumped over the coffee table, cutting her off before she reached the door. "Wait, please, baby."

"Don't you dare call me that! Don't you dare, I'm nobodies baby." She pushed past him, reaching for the door handle but he stood in her way again. "Move Robbie."

"Let me explain."

"Explain what? What a complete and utter selfish bastard you are."

"It was a mistake, a slip up."

"A slip up? You mean she just happened to 'slip' onto your dick. Spare me the injustice of it all."

She jerked his arm out of the way and finally made it out into the hall, heading for the stairs; he grabbed her arm, trying to stop her.

"It's not like that, I wanted to tell you."

"I told you!" She shouted. "I made it clear right from the start, if we did this it was with that one rule Robbie – that you were honest. That if it wasn't working, if you got bored, if you wanted to screw around with other women then you told me first and ended it. Don't drag me through the mud like some worthless..."

"Nothing means more to me than you."

"Then everyone else in your life must get treated like shit too then."

"She didn't matter."

"And that somehow makes it better, it makes it worse! Don't you see that? That you could hurt me like this with someone who meant nothing; I'd rather it was love."

"I love you."

"You love yourself; I don't know why I thought you'd changed, why I thought you could handle something as grown up as a relationship. You're only 54 for chrissake."

He was gripping her wrist, too tight he knew but he needed to say his piece, to make her understand.

"Let go of me, you're lucky I haven't broken your nose."

"Do it, hit me, if it helps, if you'll listen."

She pushed him hard in the chest, clattering down the stairs as he fell back against the wall. "How dare you fuck around with other women then come home and have sex with me."

"I didn't..."

But she was already gone. He slumped onto the cold stairs.

* * *

_Jackie was working late. It wasn't a new thing but it was one of the things that bugged him. When they worked late together it was great, somebody to talk to whose conversation he really enjoyed, the banter, the flirting, the fact she knew how he liked his coffee and would share pizza with him in the car._

_Working late without her was crap. And it being Friday night without her was also crap._

_So, he'd taken himself off to the pub. Just a couple of pints and then grab a Chinese on the way home and watch the footie highlights. Jackie had promised she'd come over after, whatever the time, and he liked the idea of her warm body slipping into bed beside his, waking him in the middle of the night..._

_He downed his pint and beckoned to the barman for another. It was three, but who was counting. Might as well make the most of it, "Single malt too mate," he added. It had been a while since he'd had a real night out, hadn't really needed it, other things to occupy his mind. And he'd been trying real hard with it all; no gambling, cutting back on the drink, a cigarette hadn't passed his lips for six months now and he was definitely working on the flirting, though she claimed not to mind, he'd really made a conscious effort not to pass comment on every woman that caught his eye. It didn't mean he stopped looking though, just kept his focus. No distractions. No fuck-ups. Not this time._

"_Hey stranger," an enticing female voice purred in his ear._

_He whipped round, greeted by a gorgeous pair of blue eyes. "Sara, god, you look great, been what?"_

"_Ages. You look good too." She kissed him, holding his arms, she smelt of fresh flowers._

"_You've grown your hair. Looks great."_

_

* * *

_

She didn't want to cry. She felt too angry to cry. Let-down more than anything. She'd tried so hard, put so much into this, waited so patiently. She hadn't pushed him into anything, they weren't living together, they weren't bragging about their relationship, nobody knew at work and it was damned hard keeping it silent but she'd done it. Only a few of her friends knew she was seeing someone. And now what? Another let down. Another kick in the teeth.

"Fucking men," she muttered to herself, lifting her wine glass to her mouth and finding it already empty. "Fuck you Robbie Ross." The glass slipped in her fingers, the condensation in the bathroom heavy and clotting.

Sitting up, twisting to the side she refilled her glass and leant back in the hot water again.

She wanted to hate him. She did hate him.

But her heart ached and no matter how she told it to stop it wouldn't. And the tears kept coming and she wiped them away time and time again, skin red and puffy, head heavy from the alcohol and the heat in the room.

She could have been married to Chris by now instead she chose somebody who could never offer anything concrete because they didn't know how good they had it. And the worst thing was he was her best friend and she couldn't even tell him, she couldn't even turn to him for help.

"Stupid, stupid woman." She choked out and her body heaved with the force of her sobs again. "Stop it." She sat forward, put her glass down, drew her knees up to her chest and tried to control her breathing. "Stop it Jackie." She splashed her face clean but it was several more moments before she felt strong enough to get out of the water.

* * *

"_1, 2, 3!" Sara cried and they both downed the shots and made a grab for the lime. It stung his throat and his body slumped back on the couch, eyes closed as the alcohol did its thing._

"_So when did you move here?" He asked, half asleep._

"_Few weeks ago, been in Leeds for a while, came back, stayed with my parents then managed to get a job and this place. Not a palace."_

"_S'nice." He mumbled. She was close he could smell her._

"_Was kinda hoping to the bump into the Old Ross."_

"_The old Ross..." He smirked, but wasn't sure whether to feel amused or somewhat sad. The old Ross as in age or the old Ross as in the man he used to be. Before he came to his senses._

"_Mmm, that feels good." He breathed lowly, her hands sliding down into his trousers, deftly removing his belt._

"_I remember what you like." She whispered, her voice was dark and cloudy and he felt himself stiffen at the sound of it, she wanted him and that thought turned him on._

_It took her mere seconds to strip him of his trousers, boxers following and then her breath on his skin, hot._

"_God," he drew out the word in one long gasp, her nails digging in his thighs. This was what he remembered of sex, urgent and raw, he could twist them over now and take her right on the floor and it would be over in minutes. That quick satisfaction that made his blood pump and his skin feel alive and god her mouth... her mouth..._

_He gripped her shoulders, drew her up, she straddled him, sat on his lap, pushing against him and her lips touched hers and he stopped._

_

* * *

_

3am and the streets were silent. The night air crisp and fresh and slightly warm, summer was on its way. He walked, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, no jacket. He'd walked and walked for the past two hours and ended up exactly where he knew he would.

It was either her place or the pub and he didn't want to turn down that route. He'd been there before, time and again, and life had been so much better with her in it.

He had her key but pressed the buzzer anyway. It took five attempts before there was a response.

"If that's you Robbie..."

She sounded defeated.

"Please, let me just come in for five minutes, we need to talk."

He could tell it was reluctant but she finally granted him access and slid open the door, she stood back in the darkness of the hall leaning against the wall. "So talk." She said lowly.

He went inside, clicked the door shut behind him.

"I miss you, already." He whispered.

She swallowed, how badly she wanted to believe it, "You'll get over it."

"No, I don't want to. I don't think you do either." He moved closer to her. "If you'll let me talk."

"I don't want to listen, I don't want to know."

"I didn't have sex with her."

Her eyes searched his.

"I was with her, and yes things happened that shouldn't... fuck I wish I could change it Jackie. I knew the second it happened. When she kissed me, it was wrong, it wasn't you."

"What 'things'?" Her voice was cracking.

"I'd been drinking."

She sighed, leant her head back and laughed harshly. "Blame the demon drink."

"I'm trying to explain."

"Maybe I don't want you to," she cried at him, suddenly standing tall again. "Maybe I'm sick and tired of hearing you whinging, your excuses, your hands-off approach to being with someone. Why do I always feel like I'm doing all the work?"

"That's not true," he was getting angry now, she knew that wasn't true.

He followed her into the kitchen, "Don't walk away. You know that's not true, I've tried so damned hard with this, us, I never hide how I feel. I make sure I'm always there, I call when I'm not, I try to show how much I care."

She couldn't argue back, she knew he'd tried, he was right, he had done all of those things.

"I'm absolutely in love with you, and yes I screwed up the other night but I want to make it better, I can't lose you."

She flopped down onto the couch, head resting on her knees. And despite her best intentions the tears came again.

"Jackie," he knelt in front of her, "Please sweetheart..."

She laughed again, looked up at him, "You've never called me that."

The look on her face shocked him, "I love you. I don't know how else to say it. And I want to be with you, there's nobody else, and I promise..."

"Don't make me promises. I need you to be honest with me."

"I'm being honest. We... well she... it would have gone further, I was halfway there but it wasn't full sex. I was drunk, I'd got caught up in the moment, enjoyed myself a little too much."

"And you don't enjoy yourself with me?" her voice was a whisper.

He reached for her trembling hands. "This has been the best time of my life, but you said honesty and yes I was tempted. But I thought of what we've got and got the hell out of there and I wanted to tell you but I didn't want to lose you and now I might have done that anyway. Again Ross manages to fuck everything up."

She was silent, watching him struggle with this. She was in no doubt it was the truth, but it didn't make it easier to swallow.

"Was she blonde?" She suddenly asked and the question caught him off-guard.

He nodded.

"Young? Younger than me?"

Reluctantly he nodded again and she shrugged, "The same old pattern you see, I can't compete. I'm not a size eight and a nymphomaniac. Which seems to be your preferred choice."

"This has nothing to do with how you look," he reached to brush her hair back but she pulled away from him, leaning back on the couch.

"Doesn't it. It's ridiculous, I'm not insecure about my looks until I'm with you and then I worry all the time..."

"Jackie don't, you don't have to, I think you're beautiful." He sat beside her, tried to get closer to her, "You are beautiful, I love every inch of you. I can't imagine not having you there now, it's happened so quickly, yet I can't imagine not having you beside me as I sleep. I miss you not being there."

"I so want to believe you." She was crying again and this time when he reached for her she didn't stop him, she let him pull her into an embrace and buried her face into his shoulder. "I don't want to cry over you, I'm not a weak person," she mumbled, trying her best to fight it, him.

"I know that. You're the strongest person I know."

"I just don't do it for you right."

"You know that's not true."

"Then what," she sat back again, her head alternating between wanting him to hold her and make this better and wanting to batter him for what he'd done. "What Robbie? Because it's boring now, it's expected and predictable?"

"It isn't. We aren't."

"When you say she..." she swallowed, "I can guess what she was doing, what you mean. Is it because I...?"

"No, no. I love what we have. God this isn't a comparison."

"But it is. How can it not be? Robbie if I was sat here telling you about some guy going down on me would you start comparing? Asking why when we have such a great sex-life that I'd need to look elsewhere for some things?"

"I didn't go looking."

"But you didn't say no!"

"I was drunk!"

"That's no excuse." She sat forward, arms folded.

He kept his distance despite longing to hold her, "I don't know what else to say."

"Neither do I."

"I don't want this to end."

She paused, breathed deeply, "Neither do I."

"So we have a chance? I wanna make this right."

"I don't know. I don't know if I can still trust you."

Her head was pounding, a combination of too much alcohol, steam and crying.

"Want me to go?"

"God Robbie I don't know what I want right now." She pulled herself up, "Except sleep."

She left the room and he sat deflated on the couch, if he was thinking straight he'd figure out his next move but the fact was he couldn't think, couldn't move. Had he really ended this before it had even begun?

A pillow hit him unceremoniously in the head, quickly followed by a blanket thrown onto his lap. "You can sleep on the couch; we'll talk more in the morning."

He looked up at her, grateful, a life-line. "Thanks."

She stopped by the door, gripping the handle and staring at him; any other woman would have thrown him out by now, so why wasn't she?

"Night Robbie."

* * *

**_Please review, I need to know people are still reading!_**


	9. Chapter 9

**A Changed Man – Chapter 9**

If she were honest with herself she never really believed it would last.

She never really believed that Robbie could change. And if she were really honest with herself he had surprised her. That he'd managed to last so long without falling into his old ways. It was like a drug to him, he was hooked; gambling, drinking, women. A pattern he'd been caught up for so very long, how could anyone expect him to simply change?

Watching him sleep, there on her couch in her lounge, she remembered the very first time she met him. That cheeky, self-assured grin in place and within a few sentences asking her to meet up with him one night. She'd never known him be different, or very rarely know him be different. And that thought both reassured and saddened her.

She could put his, however brief and misguided, infidelity down to habit. She could tell herself it wasn't really infidelity because he didn't have sex with this woman. She could tell herself that he was drunk. That he was stupid.

She _couldn't_ tell herself not to hurt.

If he could never change, if this pattern was really set in for life, then where did they go from here? She wasn't the type of woman to put up with a cheating spouse; she couldn't just look the other way. Yes, she knew he loved her, she believed him when he said it. That didn't mean she could cope with feeling as hurt and let down and cheapened as she did right now.

And try as she might she couldn't stop this damned comparison! She'd hardly slept for turning things over in her mind and now she figured she looked worse than the night before.

That young, cheeky face that used to torment her so. They'd grown together, she'd watched him age, perhaps more closely than any other person in his life. The lines that edged his eyes, the crinkle in his skin, they'd crept up so slowly, a reflection of everything he'd faced over the years. She knew his face well. Knew his touch and his voice as if they were part of her.

She couldn't imagine a life without him in it, in some form or other.

Gently closing the living-room door she made her way through to the kitchen, bare-foot, not minding the cool tiles against her feet. It woke her up a little. She flicked the kettle on and drew up the blind, standing for a moment and looking out into the garden. A fine spring day. Everything crisp and bright. The sun sprawled across the grass highlighting the dew and quickly defeating last night's frost.

"Hey," Robbie's voice suddenly broke her reverie. She heard him move behind her, close enough to touch her. "How you feeling?"

"Hung-over," she said quickly. "Too much alcohol and crying, and not enough sleep."

He pressed his hand to her shoulder and to her surprise she let him stay like that for a moment before she moved away.

"Tea?"

"Sure. Want me to do it?"

"I'm capable."

He sank into a chair at the kitchen table, no point saying anything just now, he figured. He watched as she made the drink and then filled a large glass of water and swallowed down a couple of aspirin.

She placed two mugs on the table and sat down across from him, wrapping her fingers around the warm mug and turning to look out towards the garden.

"Nice morning," he finally said.

"Don't make small talk."

"I don't know what else to say... to do." He offered honestly. "I want to make it right."

"You can't do that overnight."

"Hence the small talk."

She glanced over at him, a smile tempted at their banter but held back.

"Do I have a chance?" He asked, leaning forward.

She bit down on her bottom lip, holding his gaze, "I don't know Robbie. I can't just decide like that, I should say no, you know that don't you? I should be kicking you out and walking away while I still can."

"Yeah, I know. I don't deserve more."

She sighed, leaning back in the chair. "Then why?"

"I don't know. Jackie I can't even remember, I was drunk."

"Drunk? You were sober enough to know to walk away at the last minute... too late... what even possessed you to go to her flat?"

"We're... old friends."

"Which means you once screwed her right."

He dropped his gaze, staring at the floor.

"I can't live like this, I can't keep wondering what's going on, where you are..."

"Have you had to do that so far?"

"No, but now, you know now it will always be that way. And I'm not one of those women to force you to stay home and play nice. You're not the type of man to do it."

"You've changed me."

"Obviously not." She swallowed her tea and got up again. "I need a shower." Stretching she returned to the sink, dropping her mug into the bowl.

When she turned he was behind her, "Jacks. Look, I'm not one for grand gestures or sentimental words but when I say..." he reached for her hands. "When I say I love you I mean it."

"I don't doubt that. That isn't the problem."

"...Not like this." He added. "I've loved you for so long I can't even remember when it started. And I've been there before... with girls like her, down that road." He swallowed, "Worming myself into these dark, lonely places, just like before. I reached that point months ago and was beginning to wonder if I'd ever find my way back, I don't want to go back there again."

She didn't want to get drawn in by his words, his eyes, the feel of his hands clenching her tight and clammy. But god the tears slipped down her face no matter how much she hated him right now and how bitter it all felt.

"I can't be your saviour."

He smiled, stepping closer to her. "You always have been."

He kissed her head, held her close for a second as she sobbed against his chest and he cradled her body protectively. To know he'd caused the pain cut him and his voice was raw when he spoke.

"I promise to God I've changed, it was a slip up and I won't let it happen again. Ever." He was whispering against her hair, "Don't end us now."

* * *

**_Should she forgive him...?_**


	10. Chapter 10

**A Changed Man – Chapter 10**

He kept his distance for the week; it was what she'd wanted, time. Despite the fact it seemed alien to him now, not talking to her daily, not sharing their lives, laughing, joking. He hated seeing her worried, her expression dark and distracted and knowing he was the cause.

He wanted to make her smile. Crack some off-the-cuff joke and see her eyes twinkle. It was something he'd always loved about how they were together, their ability to make each other laugh, to have fun even on the greyest of days.

His head snapped up as he heard a large sneeze and somebody blowing their nose, glancing around he watched as Jackie dropped a tissue into the bin and then slumped into her chair.

"Oh god," she drawled coughing into another tissue.

"Feeling off it?" He asked from across the desk, throwing a file onto the desk.

"Obviously." She snapped, then softened her voice as a slight hint of guilt crept in. "Picked up a cold from some girl we had in the other day."

"Want me to get you something? Orange juice, tea, lemsip?"

She shook her head, "I'm fine, don't fuss."

"Okay." He dropped his eyes back to the file letting out a long breath.

"Oh bollocks," she snapped slamming her hand on the desk. "This bloody PC, if it went any slower."

"Want me to take a look?"

"What are you today? Mr bloody fix it! I think I can manage..."

"I'm not sure, you seem... distracted."

"Aye, is there any wonder?"

He lowered his voice, leaning forward across the desk, "No but..."

"Oh don't start 'explaining' again, I've heard enough excuses from you to last a lifetime."

"Below the belt."

"What the hell's going on with you two? Bickering like school kids, get on with some work can we." Burke growled as he passed by their desks.

Cautiously Robbie caught her eye, trying a small sigh, to his relief she returned it before dropping her head back to work.

* * *

Needing air Jackie took her tea up to the roof, it was brisk and breezy but the freshness felt good. She tightened the scarf around her neck and moved out of sight of the door, a little to the side, and leant against the edge looking out over the city.

It was a moment or two before she realised there was the awful smell of cigarettes wafting over and when she turned to look Robbie was sat back on an upturned crate, like some naughty school boy behind the bike sheds.

"Why didn't you..." She snapped, surprised.

He shrugged, "Didn't want to disturb."

"I just needed some air," she turned to leave.

"Look don't go," he stubbed his cigarette out. "I will. Been here longer."

"Thought you'd given that up. Then again, thought there were other things you'd given up too."

"Are we gonna do this for long? I mean I know I deserve it and I'm happy to serve my time, but could we have a time-scale at least so I can be prepared for the mental barrage every day."

"Time-scale!" She turned away from him, gritting her teeth, she didn't want to argue with him, and he was right, she'd done nothing but pick at him all week despite him deserving it.

Sneezing she reached for a tissue from her pocket.

"Look I'm sorry, I have given up, needed it today though." He went to stand by her side, folding his arms as he leant against the wall. "Sorry you're ill."

"Not your fault."

For a few minutes they stood in companionable silence and then she said very gently, "I don't like the taste."

"Of cigarettes?" He finally offered.

She nodded her head. "Yes, I don't like how they taste."

She gulped the last of her tea and turned back to the door, leaving Robbie stood in the chilly wind just as the first hints of rain took form.

* * *

It was a hell of a long day and she was in need of a glass, or bottle, of wine, her dressing gown and the couch.

After a quick shower and change she made her way to the lounge, lined up wine, snacks and tissues on the coffee table and sank down beneath the duvet sticking on the television. It wasn't long before she was sat up again, blowing her nose and cursing her aching body. It had been a long time since a cold had made her feel so damned ill.

Laying her heavy head back against the pillows she closed her eyes and let her mind drift. Of course it was him first and foremost, as it had been for months, for longer perhaps. And with him came a whole confusion of emotions; she missed him, that was the first emotion; she missed what they'd had these past five months. She was still angry with him; she still wanted to slap some sense into him. But then reason came in, and she considered how long he'd been the way he was and for how long he'd had to change and really, taking all into account, he wasn't doing half bad. If he was an alcoholic who'd suffered a relapse she would have been proud, only one slip up in what... eight months...good going. But the problem was it wasn't his head or kidneys on the receiving end, it was her.

Sighing she opened her eyes and reached for her glass of wine taking a large gulp. She needed a good movie to take her mind off it – instead she got the doorbell ringing and the stark reality of how tired and ill she felt.

Reluctantly she dragged herself up from the couch and tied her dressing gown a little tighter as she made her way through to the front door. She eased it open only slightly and found Robbie out there on the doorstep.

"Robbie..." she sighed, fully opening the door. "Look it's late and I'm..."

"Ill, I know. Look, I cooked..." He held up plastic containers. "Not bought in neither, I really cooked this time." He attempted a small smile to which she didn't respond. Bad memories perhaps, too raw to drop hints of his past screw ups, they usually laughed about it. Still, he wasn't the type to give up easily.

"Now, I know you're not the type of woman to ask for help or even want it. You don't want me to fuss over you, that's fine. You probably don't even want me here, that's fine too. But... it's Friday night, you're ill and I get the feeling you haven't eaten so I've cooked for you." He held a hand up before she could speak. "I'm not expecting to be invited to stay, you can take it and heat it up and eat alone. That's fine."

"Robbie, stop bloody talking and get the hell in here, its freezing."

He smiled, properly this time, "Actually, I'm a little afraid to come in; I'm aware of your skill in the arm-snapping department."

She laughed, for the first time in over a week.

* * *

"So, not too bad?" He asked as she put her plate down on the floor and sat back on the couch, slipping her legs up beneath her.

"No, not too bad, quite nice actually."

"Want some dessert? I have to admit to buying that though."

"I could tell from the cardboard box, I'm not a detective for nothing you know."

"I've missed you," he admitted.

She nodded, "Yes, I know, I've missed you too. And it's only been a few days."

"Six."

"But who's counting right?" She smiled. "I'll have coffee with my dessert and a brandy."

"Coming up." He got up from the floor, leaning on a chair to help him, and collected their plates.

She curled back on the couch, pulling the duvet back over her and stared at the fire Robbie had lit. Part of her was adamant that she wouldn't give in too easily, yet the rational part of her knew the decision had already been made. Sneezing again she reached for the box of tissues.

"The brandy should do you some good," he said returning with a tray of goodies.

"Thanks," she took a quick sip of it and coughed at the heat, "perhaps you shouldn't sit too close." She warned.

"I don't mind." But he returned to sitting on the floor by the fire. "Can you taste the cheesecake?"

"Lemon," she smiled, "and it's glorious."

"Thought you'd like it."

"You know I might as well stick this straight to my hips."

"I kinda like your hips," he replied quickly, without thinking, but she didn't seem to mind the comment and it gave him encouragement. "Can we talk about us yet?" He asked gently.

"Us?" She sat forward, reaching for her coffee, mulling over the word.

"Yeah, is there an us? Where are we...? I guess that's what I'm asking."

"I don't know Robbie," she shrugged. "I don't know where it's gonna take us." She swallowed, pushing her now empty plate aside. "I want to try though."

Relief swept through him and he audibly sighed at her words, the lump in his throat dissipating somewhat.

"Thank you."

"Don't say that, as I said before, I don't want to be some kind of saviour Robbie. This is meant to be a partnership."

"It is."

"So don't make me feel like I'm the one carrying it. I need to feel, to know, that you're as much a part of this as I am. It can't just be because I'm pushing for it."

"I've never felt like that, it's always equal. It was me who started it Jacks, remember."

She did remember, his awkward confession of love in the car park.

"I always wondered if that was just a knee-jerk reaction to the engagement." She admitted.

"Maybe it was, maybe it just gave me the kick in the balls I needed to sort myself out, to sort my head out."

She sat back, twirled the brandy glass in her hand, "I'm not going to find it easy to trust you again you know."

"I know that, I wouldn't expect it, but I am in this for the long haul, not a quick fix."

She nodded, draining her glass and sitting it back on the tray. Turning, she laid back on the couch, resting her head on the plumped up pillows and stretching her legs out, her entire body sighing in pleasure at the movement.

"Thank you for dinner; it was wonderful, best thing I've eaten in a while."

"You're welcome," he enjoyed watching her right now, how relaxed she looked, despite her obvious cold. "Anything else you require?"

"My feet ache," she smiled wiggling her toes, "unless you want to escape?"

"Hardly," he shifted, lifting her legs and easing himself into the space at the end of the couch, her feet in his lap as he set about rubbing them.

"Talk to me Robbie," she whispered closing her eyes.

"About?"

"Anything. Life. Work. Us. Any random thing, music, films, art... gardening."

"Gardening?" He smirked watching her face, serene and at ease; beautiful. "I can't take my eyes off you right now." He said so gently. "I don't think I ever want to leave you, this moment."

She opened her eyes to look up at him, a slight smile on her face.

"What could be better?" He asked, "than sitting here with you, warm and content, good food, wine, the best company I've ever had."

"You couldn't think of anything to say about the garden?"

He laughed, "Not right now, should I start getting into it, planting hanging baskets for the coming summer?"

"I quite like it, it takes my mind off things, a Sunday spent planting and then watching things grow. It can be rewarding."

"I'll keep it in mind, the closest I've ever got was mowing the lawn every few months, and the flat doesn't even have one so..."

"I don't think it's something you forget, like riding a bike."

He paused, this talk of inconsequential things was nice, a world away from the icy conditions they'd had all week. But he really wanted to make sure she knew exactly how he felt.

"I think we..." he squeezed her foot, "I'm gonna sound like a right sentimental idiot."

"Blame it on the wine," she closed her eyes again, "I won't tell anyhow."

"I think we can make it you know; that whole relationship thing, being with someone for the rest of your life, never really wanted it before, even when I was married – never understood it then."

"But you do now?"

He nodded then realised she couldn't see him, "Yeah, I do. I know what I want."

"What's that?"

"Someone there at the end of the day who gives a damn." He'd given up rubbing her feet and instead his hands rested there, one on her ankle, the other on her leg.

"When things get crap and I'm exhausted and just want to cry I want somebody to hold me and reassure it will pass." She said.

"I can try and do that."

"Someone to make me a cup of tea on a Sunday morning and bring me the papers."

"I'm not a lapdog!" He teased.

She dug her heel in his thigh.

"Ah, alright, tea and papers on a Sunday." He stroked her leg, remembered the silkiness of her skin and how pure it was, that gentle curve to her breasts and how she liked to be kissed up her spine.

"To be held," she whispered, half-asleep, "and know when I wake in the morning you'll still be there, and not just for the sex."

"I'll be here," he finally said, sitting back. He closed his eyes, still listening to her breathing, he knew within minutes she was asleep and he wondered whether he should carry her to bed or if he could stand to sit there all night and sleep.

In the end he decided on the latter, he didn't want to move her and he half wondered how she'd react to him being in her bedroom again. So, he pulled the quilt back down over her feet and leaned further back, quickly falling to sleep himself.

* * *

**_Hope that was ok... please review!_**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Sorry it's taken a while - work gets in the way!**_

**A Changed Man – Chapter 11**

She was enjoying a moment alone; lunch in the cafeteria was never particularly mind-blowing but it was after two now and quiet and the sunlight was casting beautiful patterns across the tiled floor.

She stirred her soup, watching the whirlpool pattern in the surface. It wasn't a day for soup, she should have had salad instead, and a nice large glass of chilled white would go down fine just about now. Instead she sipped her orange juice and flicked her phone open, no new messages.

"Eating alone?"

She glanced up to see Chris, a take-away coffee in hand.

"Hi," she smiled, shielding her eyes from the sunlight. "It's good to see you."

He nodded, the awkwardness of the moment lingering, they hadn't spoken in months, he always seemed to pass by a little quickly in the corridor these days.

"Rushing somewhere?"

"Not really," he slid into the chair across from her, "catching five minutes."

"Mmm, me too, it seems somehow wrong to be indoors today. Should be out walking."

He sipped his coffee, "So how are things?"

"Busy. As usual, and you, how are you?"

"Good, I erm... I met someone."

She smiled, genuinely happy for him. "I'm pleased for you," she reached across and rested her hand on his. "I'm sorry, how things turned out, you're a good man."

"Can't argue with that. And you, how are you?" He leaned forward a little, "You look sad Jacks."

"Do I?" She pulled her hand back, "Just tired," she shrugged. "As usual."

"Not being messed about by someone."

She narrowed her eyes, the fact he'd hit the nail on the head made it somehow worse, but she wasn't about to let down her defences.

"What's that mean?"

"I saw you, you know, with Robbie. It's stupid really, I'd always wondered if something had gone on between the pair of you, turned out it was still going on."

"Don't say it like that, nothing happened between us until after."

"And now, is it still 'happening' now?"

She swallowed, toying with her cutlery to avoid his gaze, "Yes, yes it is. But you never said anything before, when you saw us."

"None of my business really. But..."

"But?"

"He's got a reputation, the whole station knows it, bit of a loose cannon, can't keep his trousers fastened."

"I don't need to hear this," she sat up as if to leave.

"What I'm saying is you look sad, and if things were good you wouldn't. Don't let him mess you around."

"You think I can't take care of myself?"

"I think you deserve better than him."

"You don't know him, not really. And you're right; it's none of your business."

"Fine," he got up, "I'll leave you to your lunch."

Sighing she pushed her tray away and folded her arms, her mood suddenly taking a downward spiral. She hated arguing at the best of times, let alone with someone she both cared for and respected. His damning verdict on her relationship with Robbie only served to drop salt into the wound.

It had been three weeks since Robbie's 'betrayal' and still she felt like they were treading on eggshells around each other. Yes they were spending time together as before; dinner, walks, the movies, he'd even taken her to the theatre the other night which was something of a turn-up. But it wasn't the same, they couldn't seem to talk the same, it was like there was a sheen of glass between them that she was scared would break. They hadn't spent a night together, no sex since it happened, and she knew how much value he placed on _that_ in a relationship. She wanted it back how it was, because she knew she didn't want to let him go, not now, not after everything.

"What did he want?" Robbie asked as he sat down in the chair Chris hadn't long since vacated.

"Just passing the time of day."

"You want this?" He asked reaching for her roll.

She shook her head.

"Lanky bast..."

"Robbie!"

"Sorry." He swallowed, "You ok?"

"I always am."

"Boss wants us to check out the Nillan property, you ready to go?"

"Sure."

* * *

"Did he say something to you, Chris?" He asked as they made their way to the car.

"No, just, he's found a new girlfriend."

"Good for him."

"You don't have to be permanently sarcastic. Every now and then a little bit of humility would just..." She stopped, covering her face for a second.

"Hey, I'm sorry," he touched her elbow. "Is it because he's moved on?" He asked gently, "you think you made a mistake?"

"No, no." She swallowed, sucking in the fresh air to try and calm any tears that might fall. "It's nothing to do with him. It's us, it's everything that... god, let's go do some work. I can't keep dwelling on this."

She got into the car slamming the door after her and waited for Robbie to join her.

"Look," he said pulling his seatbelt across. "Things aren't that bad, we're working at it."

"It's like treading mud."

"You want out?" He finally asked.

"No." She yanked the handbrake on at the traffic lights. "Nothing that simple. I want it to work."

"It will. It is. Believe me Jackie, I wouldn't..." He stopped himself.

"What? You wouldn't want?"

"Still be trying if it wasn't worth it."

"I'm not sure whether to be relieved or devastated by that statement." She sped up again and Robbie slid a little in his chair.

"I can't say anything right. Look maybe we need a time-out, we won't see each other this weekend, have a break."

"Who are you going to see instead?" She snapped, pulling up at the side of the road.

"Nobody, my mates, have a few drinks, watch the match."

"I see," she took her seatbelt off, "and a few drinks in some club, a few bets later."

"You can't keep thinking the worse, that I'm going to cheat."

"I know that! I can't help it, I'm trying." She groaned frustrated, "I keep thinking of how well I know you, how long I've known you. Every week another woman, every few weeks in some cases. And never without offers, never without sex. And here you are trailing about after me and it's so messy right now and nothing is going on in the bedroom department because I can't stop thinking..."

He sat back too, mirroring her posture, the atmosphere heavy. "I know. I'm not saying this is easy or that in the past I wouldn't have just taken the easy way out. But this is it, the real thing, and it takes work. But I'm here Jackie, I'm trying."

"I want you to be tested." She said suddenly solemnly.

"What?

"I need to be sure Robbie; I can't get things off my mind. You've had a lot of partners."

"I'm not stupid!"

"And I'm not saying that. But, I can't help but feel the way I do and I need to be sure everything is... okay."

He shook his head, fingers gripping the steering wheel.

"I can't believe you would ask such a stupid."

"I don't see it as stupid. Necessary."

"Like I'm infected."

"Robbie..."

"I made one lousy mistake, what do you want to do, punish me forever?"

"No. I want to love you." She turned to face him. "I don't want to be lonely anymore. I don't want _you_ to be lonely. I want us to work. You said you'd do anything to make this work."

"You're panicking." He stated, watching her expression, that usual clear face full of concern and worry.

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, of course I am. I've wanted this for so long and now... it shouldn't be this damned hard Robbie, not so soon."

He leant forward, gripping her hand, kissing her forehead. "I'll take the test."

She sighed heavily, leaning against him. "Thank you."

"And I haven't been lonely, I've always had you. Whether we were sleeping together or not."

She smiled, lopsided, looking up at him, "Ever the charmer."

She sat back, suddenly all work. "Alright, let's go." And in a second she was out of the car and heading towards the property.

He followed, smiling to himself, she was a muddle to him – one minute vulnerable and hurt, the next the DI Reid he knew, all work and no nonsense.

"Robbie, come on!" She barked back at him.

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

There was a bunch of roses lying across her desk when she arrived that Monday morning. White roses. The incident room was empty, no signs of the deliverer. She sank into her chair, pulling her scarf loose and removing her gloves before she opened the card.

"_In the clear. Shall we throw a party? X"_

She laughed, scrunched the card up in her hand then regretted it. The first flowers he'd sent.

"Jackie."

"Yes sir?"

"I want you with me this morning, we're heading back to the hospital, take another crack at Sharpe's memory."

"Right," she put her scarf back on and got up, picking up the flowers as she did so.

"Admirer?" He asked, as he pulled on his coat.

"Of sorts..." she smiled, "I'll just put them in some water. Have you err, seen Robbie?"

"Aye, sent him down to forensics, don't take too long with those."

"Right."

It was mid-afternoon before she saw him, during briefing she caught his eye and he gave her one of those cocky looks that she brushed off with pursed lips and narrowed eyes. But there was something, always something with him, and she couldn't wait to be alone with him now.

"So," he whispered by her ear, passing her desk nonchalantly. "Given the all 'clean'."

She smiled at the pun, "I didn't miss the irony of the white."

"Pretty smart on my behalf."

She swung round in her chair, back to her desk. "Did I ever tell you how much how I love smugness?"

"Ha, you don't have to Jackie; I can see it in your eyes." He moved back to his desk.

"That's pity," she tossed a file across to him, "that one's for you. Get it done quickly."

He saluted, "boss."

"Don't you have plans tonight...?" She teased.

He caught up, "Aye, I reckon I do."

* * *

Trailing her fingers up his arm she leant in closer to him, felt his hands rest on her hips and steady her body. "You know," she said lowly, her fingers moving up into his hair. "You're a bloody cocky bastard."

"Always have been."

"Unlikely to change then," she wiggled a little and smiled when his eyes closed for a moment. She moved her legs until she was comfortable in his lap, teasing him. "Good job I'm used to it."

He exhaled, one hand sliding up her back and fiddling with her bra clasp.

"Did I give permission for that?"

"Taking liberties..."

"Yet another example of that smugness."

"I think it's a turn on for you," he snapped the bra loose and smiled as she slid it down her arms and threw it aside.

"Who's turned on right now?"

He smirked, "Alright, you're in charge."

She wiggled again, "I thought I always was."

Leaning forward she pressed her lips against his, surprised when his hands slid into her hair, holding her gently, kissing her tenderly.

"That was nice," she whispered.

"Making a point."

"You mean this isn't just about getting laid after weeks without?"

"Seven weeks actually, not that I'm counting."

"Seven weeks and three days... actually." She smiled, kissing him again.

He moaned into her mouth, "Worth the wait."

"Don't you forget it," She slid one hand down over his stomach, between his legs. "Ever."

He was already gone, head tilting back and resting against the wall. It amused her he had no headboard on the bed, one of many clichés he'd bypassed.

"Jacks," he murmured and she leant forward until her breasts brushed his chest. He shifted his hands, smoothing his palm over the nipple on her left breast as his mouth took hold of the other.

_Smooth bastard_, she mused, her head dropping back, his name on her lips. And she was meant to be in charge.

"Stop it," she whispered, shifting again. He glanced up at her, wide-eyed, "Stop it," she smiled, leaning in to kiss him, "Or positions will change."

"Alright," his hands were on her hips again, guiding her body. She placed her hands atop of his. He watched her expression as their bodies joined, how her eyes darkened, and the slight beginnings of a smile, the pleasure evident.

"I love you," he whispered, steadying her against him, holding the moment still and complete.

She rested her hands on his shoulders, pushing him back, "Don't get sentimental now!"

* * *

Lying side by side, naked and breathless in the dark, he watched her chest rise and fall, the light from the window illuminating her pale skin.

"You know," he reached over for her hand. "I've been thinking."

"Dangerous." She said through heavy breaths.

He toyed with her hand, lifting it up and folding his fingers with hers.

"Well?" She prompted, turning her head slightly to gauge his expression in the moonlight.

"Well, I was thinking we should try moving in together."

She swallowed, heavily, "Is that the orgasm talking?"

"A-ha," he turned onto his side, snuggled in next to her and kissed her cheek, "both of them."

Smiling she turned too, facing him, one leg pushed between his. "Heavy step."

"I think we can cope." He reached down for the sheets and drew them up over their bodies.

"My place or yours?" She whispered.

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a question, I need more information."

He nodded, ever the detective, "Yours is bigger, mine has the better view."

"And a string of past lovers through its doors."

"Alright, alright. How about a deal?"

He slid his arms tight around her, pulling her in close to him, she tucked her head beneath his chin and relaxed, her body easily sinking into his. Strange how quickly her body had got used to sleeping beside him, curled up beside him. She was usually awkward about sharing a bed preferring to sleep alone, years of practice at it!

"We could find some place new, somewhere together."

She yawned, eyes suddenly heavy, "Is this you moving the relationship forward?"

"Could be... you keep making love to me like that and I might even push to floral bedspreads."

* * *

_**Please review!**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**I felt like having a sweet moment so lots of short snippets of their growing relationship in this one...**_

**A Changed Man – Chapter 12**

"Oh baby," his slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her back tight against him, "You look good." He kissed her neck, "and something smells good too."

"How many times, don't call me 'baby', makes me sound like property."

He laughed, reaching between her chopping to steal a piece of carrot.

She smiled, shaking her head, "I could have had your finger off then," she said shaking the knife in her hand. "Must you hang onto me?"

"Must I?" His hand slid down over her stomach and she bristled slightly. "Something wrong?"

"Yes, I'm bloated and in pain."

"This is one of those woman's things isn't it?"

"For a ladies' man you can be quite dense at times." She dropped the knife, "Oh god, you can finish this, I'm off to the loo again. My bladder's like a baby's today!"

"Wonderful image, make sure you wash your hands before you finish my dinner woman."

He was met by a screwed up towel in the side of the head.

When she returned the vegetables were on and Robbie was basting the chicken.

"Better?" He asked when she returned.

"Mmm, at times I hate being a woman." She replicated his earlier movement and slid her hands around his waist. "How do you like being the housewife then?"

"Get me a pinny and I'll be right at home. Something fetching in pink perhaps?"

"Sexy," She teased.

"Every time," He stepped back to open the oven door and she moved to the table, taking a sip of the wine he'd poured.

"So," he wiped his hands on a towel. "Another half-an-hour or so before we eat, wanna look at brochures?"

She rolled her eyes, he'd been hampering after this all week. It was odd how it was him pushing for the move.

"What?"

"Nothing," she sank into a chair.

"You don't wanna move?"

"I do, I just... I want you to be sure."

He leant over her, "I'm very sure," he kissed her, "so, let's find a house."

* * *

Robbie reached over for his tumbler of whisky and took a sip, relishing the heat as it slid down his throat like velvet. There were moments he'd grown to love, and lying on the bed reading the paper whilst having a drink had become one of them. He chose to think of it as decadence rather than old-age.

His peace was disturbed though when Jackie danced into the room – yes danced! He thought she was working in the lounge, obviously not. She flicked the main light on disturbing the ambience he'd created.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked, incredulous.

She ignored him as she moved round the bedroom; with headphones on she couldn't really hear him properly anyway and she had the music turned up loud.

She was half dancing as she set about hanging up her laundered clothes in the wardrobe. Robbie was lying on the bed pretending to read as he watched her, wiggling about and singing along.

She spun round to face him swinging a dress on a hanger as she did so, and mouthing the words at him, "My head is in a spin, my feet don't touch the ground, because you're near to me my head goes round and round. My knees are shaking baby my heart it beats like a drum! It feels like, it feels like I'm in love."

He was laughing as she hung the dress up before wiggling her way back across the bedroom, swinging her dressing gown around her as she swished her hips.

"You've gone mental, are you drunk?"

"High on love _baby_, high on love!" She winked, flicked the light back off and was gone leaving him laughing to himself on and off for the next hour.

* * *

"Do we have to have this conversation every single bloody morning?" Robbie complained buttering his toast.

"Do I have to pick up your dirty clothes every single bloody morning?" She replied, pouring herself a coffee and sitting down across from him. "Have I suddenly become some kind of maid?"

"Maids do it without complaining..."

She resisted the urge to throw something at his head, "Well get one then!"

Leaving her coffee untouched she marched past him, intending to have breakfast elsewhere on her way to work. He caught her arm as she passed him, "Sorry," he said lowly, his hand sliding down her jacket to touch her hand.

She glanced down at their entwined fingers and then back up, catching his eyes, that guilty expression he wore so well.

"I'm messy, I know."

"Like living with a student again."

He smiled; she was always so quick with the comebacks. "I don't mean for you to pick up after me, and it drives me crazy when you keep pointing it out..."

"...it drives me crazy to have to come into the bathroom every day and find yesterday's clothes there."

He nodded, "I know, but I'll get better at it, I am trying, hard traits to change overnight. I don't need you to be my maid, I don't want you to."

She mused on it for a moment, she didn't mean to nag, it wasn't a role she'd aimed for. "Perhaps we should have two bathrooms in the new house."

"Good idea, and a bath big enough for two."

She smiled too now, "Your toast is burnt."

"That stupid thing doesn't work; I've changed the setting three times already this week and every time black."

"Maybe a new toaster too then."

"Come on," he got up, slipping on his jacket, "I'll shout you breakfast on the way in."

* * *

He loved it like this, Jackie's weight in his lap, sat up with the cool wall against his back. She liked being in control, liked timing it just right, and he enjoyed watching her, listening to her, feeling every move she made.

He leant his head back, closed his eyes, his hands sliding down to her waist, palms spread wide as he reacted to every roll of her hips, each time thrusting deeper inside her.

She whispered something, moaned, he heard his name as if it were somewhere far off in a dream. Then he felt her body lean forward, her forehead brush his before her lips touched his open mouth and she kissed him deeply and entirely, owning him in a way he thought no woman ever would.

"Where are you?" She whispered again, aware of his distance. "Dreaming..." she nipped his ear with her teeth, then back to his mouth, slipping her tongue in to meet his. His fingers slid up into her hair as he deepened the kiss.

"I'm right here," he finally replied. "Loving every second." He leant back against the wall again as if to emphasise his point, watching as she sat back, her fingers trailing down his outstretched arms.

She placed her hand on his chest to steady herself, tipped her head back slightly, ground against him and exhaled.

"God that feels good," he said, his voice heavy. "I love how you do that."

She smiled, years of wondering just how it would feel to be with him, how he would react to her touch and she his; it all seemed senseless now to have waited so long to find out when they fitted together so well.

Groaning she sat forward again, hands resting on the wall as her pace increased, her face inches from his. She felt his hands slide to her back, supporting her as she moved, breathing heavily, his hot breath on her face.

He always loved this position. And she loved being in control.

* * *

"Hey, are you asleep?"

"Mmm, don't talk, I'm just drifting..."

"You can't sleep here, you'll drown."

He brushed the damp hair back from her forehead, kissing the top of her head as he did so.

"You're comfy." She mumbled, turning a little and sending ripples of water up the side of the bath.

He glanced down at their bodies, lying together in the hot, soapy water. The way her skin flushed slightly, the creamy expanse of her breasts and how silky they looked.

He moved his hand down to cup one, closed his eyes at the feel of it and again she moaned, "Robbie..."

"Mmm, don't talk, I'm relaxing."

Laughing she turned in the water so her stomach was now against his, her head on his chest, breasts squashed against him.

"That's no fun," he smirked.

"I'm trying to sleep. Wasn't that the point of all this, greeting me with a cool glass of wine and a hot bubble-bath in order to get me to relax."

"The point of all this was seduction, pure and simple."

She looked up at him, "As if you don't get enough."

He rested his hands on her shoulders, "Come here and give us a kiss."

"So romantic..." But she slid her body up his and kissed him, albeit very briefly, then folded her arms, rested them on his upper chest and her chin on top of her hands.

"I thought this was romance," he said gently, fingers toying with her hair again.

"It is."

"Well then."

"Sex isn't romance."

"I think I know that, but it certainly helps."

"How have you not become a spokesman for Durex?"

He shrugged, "Never thought of that, damn fine job, imagine being a tester."

"Fun enough until they create a product that burns."

She felt him wince just at the words and laughed.

"Harsh woman."

"Come on," she pushed herself up, feeling his hands steady her until she was stood in the bath looking down at him. Grinning she stepped out reaching for a towel, knowing his eyes were on her each and every move. "Pervert."

"I prefer to think of myself as appreciative."

She held her hand out to him, "Come on old man, I'm hungry and I believe it's your turn to cook."

* * *

She didn't want to complain, she'd hated it when she was a child and she'd witnessed her mother constantly nagging her father and barking out orders. But there were times he absolutely drove her mad.

Sunday afternoon and where was he? Lying on the couch watching the footie, a beer in one hand and the remote in the other, waving it at the screen as he shouted out his displeasure at their poor performance.

"You know the sun is out," she said, collecting his empty crisp bag from the floor. "You remember that, outdoors?"

"I'm watching the outdoors right now, watch it Jacks you're blocking the screen."

"God you're a philistine, I wonder if I truly realised how much before or simply chose not to accept it."

"Make us a sandwich will ya?"

She shot him one of her looks and he chuckled, "Joking!" He pointed the remote at the screen and hit the off button, "Alright, waste of an afternoon anyway the way that shower of shit are playing. Let's go sit in the garden and count the daisies."

"Very bloody funny," she whacked him with a pillow. "You could set up that barbecue and get a couple of chicken breasts on there for dinner, I'll make a salad."

"What happened to normal barbecue food, burger and chips?"

"Cholesterol."

He wearily got up from the couch, straightening his back and groaning.

She stopped at the door, "Don't forget..."

"...to plump the damned pillows, I remember."

"I'm training you well."

"I only do it for the sex."

"Ah come on, you love me really."

* * *

There were times when she absolutely loved his eagerness. That overwhelming lust and need for release and gratification. The way he panted her name and it was fast and messy.

Her clothes pushed aside, lifted up onto the kitchen table, skirt around her waist and underwear discarded. She was still wearing her jacket and she could feel her badge digging into the top of her hip, but it didn't matter. Men in the past, she'd found, had always treated her like some proper lady, all dainty and fairly polite in the bedroom, Robbie was different, constantly surprising.

Of course, she always expected him to be forceful and perhaps a little hasty, but what surprised her was his inconsistency... or rather variety. There were times like this when nothing else mattered but the pounding of his body against hers. Then there were slow, delicate, intimate moments when she felt how much he loved her. And times he would tease for hours and drive her to the very edge of pleasure only to bring her down again and then start it all over. She was in no doubt of how much he enjoyed pleasing her.

She heard herself saying his name, urging him on, it would be over in a few minutes and he'd probably apologise for it being so fast but she didn't care, every single time was so intense and completely fulfilling. She tightened her legs around his waist, held him against her and clawed at his shoulders through his shirt.

His pace increased again, he was almost shouting her name, his body jerked against hers and that sent her over the edge with him.

Exhausted he fell on top of her and she couldn't shift the smile from her face, cradling his head close to her chest.

"That was nice, did you miss me today?"

He grinned, lifting his face up to hers, "Hi," he kissed her, "how was your day?"

She threaded her fingers into his hair, "Dull, I hate court." She smiling, tugging him down for another kiss, "Wanna do that again?"

* * *

"So, you gonna take a look?"

"Again? Robbie I'm tired, it's late."

"Yeah," he took a bite of his pizza. "And we have to start making decisions otherwise they'll be gone."

Groaning she muted the television and forced her mind to wake.

They were on the couch; Robbie sat finishing off some take-away pizza and Jackie lying next to him, her head on his lap.

She turned over so she was looking up and he dangled a brochure in front of her face. Reaching for it she squinted at the picture, "I liked the other one, the one with the big gates."

He passed her another, "You know this is miles away."

"Yeah, but look at the view from the kitchen window. It's gorgeous."

"Pricey."

"Mmm," she agreed, reading the fine print.

"Thought you were a city girl."

"I like the use of 'girl'."

"Want some of this?" He mumbled, still chewing on pizza.

"No thanks, you being here is making me put on weight, how does that work?"

She was fully awake now and sat up a little, though still leaning against him.

Robbie handed her a glass of wine, "Look, if you want that one, we'll go see it, and just get up earlier for the long drive in."

"No, you're right, it's too far out of the city, it's too big, we don't need four bedrooms and we certainly don't need a huge garden like that..." she glanced at the pictures on the back of the brochure, "Or a swing set."

He swallowed, "You thinking of babies?" He asked guardedly.

She smiled, glancing back at him, "Don't worry, no thoughts of _a_ baby let alone babies."

He couldn't help but feel a little relieved.

"So, these four then?" He passed her the other brochures. "Two are quite close, bit bigger. One a bit further out, could add twenty minutes on to the commute but it's brand new, price is good and there's three bedrooms so we could have an office each if we wanted. And..." he kissed her head, "two bathrooms."

"Look at you, quite the estate agent."

"Don't see any point in messing around."

She rather liked his eagerness, "Can't fool me, you just want to christen every new room."

"Know me so well."

"Alright, I'm sold; let's look at that one first."

"Trusting me to book it?"

"But of course," she lifted her glass up and he clinked his against it. "Here's to cohabiting."

"Here's to splitting a mortgage."

* * *

_**Hope you liked - please review!**_


	13. Chapter 13

**A Changed Man – Chapter 13**

"I love this, we get an evening off and you spend it on the couch watching Masterchef and eating chocolate!"

"That's the epitome of a night off." She dangled her wine glass at him, "Please..."

"I'm a house-husband." He muttered but took the glass anyway and filled one for himself too.

He joined her on the couch, her legs in his lap, the newspaper open on top of her feet.

"This is some kind of domestic bliss right," she teased sipping her wine.

"Hmm..." He mumbled turning to the sports section.

"I need the loo," she said some time later, drawing her legs slowly out of his lap so as not to disturb him and getting up, she moved to the window, tidying the curtain where it had curled round.

"Hey, you're blocking the TV." He said.

"Says the man who wasn't watching it."

"Alright, alright. Might have a go at making that."

"You are a house husband!"

"Don't push it Reid."

* * *

"So, what time is the appointment?" She asked as she finished her hair.

"6:30, let's hope nothing comes up cause I virtually had to sell my soul to get that slot," he took a tie from the wardrobe, "I'm down to my last shirt. Have to nip home tonight."

"Want me to stay at your place?"

"Sure," he stood behind her, doing his tie in the mirror and watching her tidy her hair. He smiled.

"What?"

"Just thinking how well it's going."

"Don't jinx it."

He kissed her head, "Never. Gonna grab a coffee before we go."

"Okay." He was right, things were going well. She still occasionally felt a little like she was on eggshells waiting for the bomb to drop, but for the most part she was happy. And that in itself was oddly unnerving.

Relationships had never really lasted longer than a couple of months, despite her marriage and she even failed at that. Yet here they were, over six months in and doing well. The odd spat now and then over silly things like whose turn it was to cook and the fact Robbie never rinsed red wine out of glasses before he went to bed. The memory of his brief, half-infidelity was almost erased and she wasn't quite so doubtful or nervous when he was home late or out with friends. It hadn't disappeared completely, but she was getting there.

* * *

6:40 she pulled up, skidded to halt and jumped out of the car, dragging her scarf behind her and trying to tie it as she ran, clattering up the path to the house. She'd almost forgotten how gorgeous it was.

The estate agent greeted her at the door.

"Ms Reid?" The young lady said holding out a hand. "I'm Susan."

"Yes, I'm so sorry I'm late. Couldn't get away and then traffic was... well," she shook her hand. "Here I am. Is he already inside?"

"Robbie hasn't arrived yet."

She noted the use of his first name.

"Oh, he went out a few hours ago on a call, thought he'd beat me here."

Susan smiled, "Shall we go inside or wait for him?"

"No, no, let's go in. Thank you."

The kitchen, as she'd remembered from the brochures, was grand and she loved it – instantly. A large window on one side and then patio doors leading out to the garden. It flooded the space with natural light and she imagined how wonderful it would be in both summer and winter, the freshness during summer, the sight of a garden iced in snow in winter.

Despite her resolve not to she found herself already making plans. Where the table might go, the shade of paint she'd like. Upstairs, which spare room would be hers, which his. And she found herself laughing at the size of the bath and wishing Robbie was there to appreciate it.

He never did make it and she thanked the estate agent for her time, apologised for Robbie's absence, shook her hand and left.

Her overnight bag was in the boot ready for a night at his flat and she headed directly there, only stopping to pick up something for dinner and milk for the morning, he never did think to shop.

His flat seemed oddly small and cold after the grandeur of the house, it wasn't cold outdoors but she turned the heating on for a while anyway realising it had been a couple of weeks since Robbie had spent a night there.

Figuring he was working she took a shower, watched the news and prepared dinner whilst wearing his robe.

She had just slipped a pasta bake into the oven when the door opened.

"Bloody work!" He complained dropping his keys on the table by the door and almost tearing his tie off. "Look at this, almost 9 o'clock again. I'm knackered."

"Why can't they kill at decent hours of the day hey." She teased.

He met her in the kitchenette, circling her waist and kissing her cheek, "Hi."

"Hi. You didn't call."

"Sorry, got way-laid."

"Mmm, dinner shouldn't be too long, if you wanna shower."

"Yeah I might. Need a drink."

She watched him pour, snacking on a slice of pepper as she did so.

"You forgot something."

"What?" He took a gulp of wine. "Is it an anniversary?"

"Robbie..." she probed, patient to the end.

He took another sip, leaning back on the counter and mulling it over.

"Oh shit! The appointment, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, amusing you set it all up though and I was the only one to turn up."

"Aw fuck, I'm really sorry."

"Its fine, these things happen."

"What was it like? Good?"

"Very large!" She smiled, sipping her own wine.

"Well that's good, thought you appreciated size."

"Ha ha."

"You're worried it's too big?"

"It's certainly a step up from either of our places. We might not see each other for a week."

"There are weeks we might not want to."

"Oh great," but she laughed with him.

"I'll make another appointment, check it out too, you gonna come?"

"Maybe, I've been thinking we should go see that flat we discounted, maybe it's not too small after all. It's not like we need all that space."

"Thought you wanted a garden."

"I do but... when do I have time anyway?"

"Jacks," he sank onto the couch, "if you want a garden then we'll have one. Hopefully we won't be moving too often, best get it right. Besides there are other houses if this one is too big, doesn't have to be a flat."

"I guess."

"You guess." He smiled, flipping through the mail she'd placed on the table.

"Thought you were gonna shower."

"I can't be bothered to move," he laughed.

"Old man," she laughed but moved to rub his shoulders. "You know, we can't keep this up forever."

"What?"

"The long hours, nothing but work..."

"I'm not quite ready for retirement Jacks."

"I didn't mean that," she squeezed his shoulders. "I just mean there's more."

"Yes, and we're making a change aren't we." He glanced back at her. "Sorry I missed the appointment."

She leant down and kissed his cheek, "That's okay, don't let it happen again."

* * *

Morning showers were never the best time for him to make his move, she was always rushing it seemed. But he surprised her, his fingers trailing down her spine until she shuddered back against him.

"Not a good idea," she whispered, but she leant her head back to his shoulder anyhow and let him kiss down to her collarbone.

"We'll be late," she added moments later.

"I don't care."

"I always wondered exactly what you'd been doing every time you rolled up twenty minutes later than the rest of us... always distracted."

"Too busy staring at you."

"Flirt." She turned, very slowly, her mouth meeting his in a slow, deep kiss. "This is turning into a bit of a habit."

"Shh, we don't have time to talk."

"Romantic til the end."

She stepped back, leaning against the cool tiled wall as his hands covered her body, sliding over her skin like silk.

"We have time for foreplay though?" She murmured, eyes closed.

"Always time for that."

She giggled, threading her hands into his hair, "Come here DI Ross."

She watched as he kissed his way up her stomach, between her breasts, right up to her mouth.

"Too good at that."

"I aim to please."

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pushing her body against his. "You always do."

* * *

She was hanging up her coat when Burke snapped at her, "Jackie, you're late."

"Sorry sir, traffic."

"Traffic today, sloped off early yesterday, something I should know about?"

He was already slamming his office door before she could form a reply.

She caught Robbie's sly grin as she slid into her chair.

"Don't."

"Shouldn't take so long getting dressed."

She gave him a smug smile as she flicked through the files on her desk.

"Maybe you shouldn't take so long, full stop."

He leant forward, "And if I rushed there'd be more complaints."

"Shh..."

"Just saying." He got up, pulling his coat on. "Right, I believe I have an appointment."

"You're out again and I'm stuck here with the computer work? Who do I have to sleep with to get the best jobs?"

He brushed past her arm as he left.

"Jackie." Burke popped his head out of the office.

"Yes sir."

"Go with Robbie, might need the softer touch on this one."

She felt almost jubilant as she put her coat back on and followed him down to the car park.

He was talking to a desk sergeant when she got down there, leaning against the counter laughing at something she'd said. Pretty young thing, new, she believed.

"I thought you had an important appointment."

"Ahh Jackie, now tell Yvonne here that it's a set requirement of the job that newbies buy the pints."

"Take no notice of him."

"You're joining me?"

"Apparently it needs my soft touch..."

His eyebrows raised, "Burke knows you've got it?"

She headed outside, Robbie close at her heels.

"Called the estate agents by the way, apologised profusely and used my charm to get another time."

"I bet you did," she muttered. "Charm personified."

"Gotta practise on someone. Could only get today, 5:15, so, if I go you cover for me."

"Sure."

He started the engine. "Right. Could be home owners before we know it."

"Burke's going to notice sooner or later you know, we should talk to him now."

"Cross that bridge when we're at gunpoint."

"Wonderful imagery!"

* * *

She was asleep when he came home. She half woke when she heard the creak of the bedroom door and then him tip-toeing about as he undressed. The bed dipped as he got in bedside her, rolling over and tucking his body up behind hers.

"Your hands are cold," she mumbled into her pillow.

"Sorry."

"What time is it?"

"Too late to even tell you." He kissed her cheek. "Sorry."

"Hardly your fault, I'm glad you got the late night and not me."

"Wasn't pretty."

"Never is."

They were silent for a while, Jackie returning to sleep and Robbie easily settling into the warmth and softness of the bed and her body in it. His hand lay across her waist and she reached for it, folding her fingers with his.

"How did it go?"

"What?" He was slurring a little now, sleep coming quickly.

"The house, did you think it too big?"

He was silent again and she listened to his deep, laboured breathing.

"Robbie?"

"I forgot," he finally said, "got caught up with things.

"Again?" She twisted her head to look at him now, sitting up slightly in bed. "You forgot again."

"Work. I'll call tomorrow and apologise."

"I don't think you should ever call that woman again, she'll hate you."

"I can charm my way out of it."

"I'd rather you didn't." She flopped back onto the bed. "Just forget that one. We'll start looking again. Wasn't to be."

"Okay."

She'd half expected more of an argument.

She tapped her fingers against his, her mind too busy now to rest; she knew he was already asleep.

"Your breath smells of whisky." She said to the darkness.

* * *

_**Still enjoying?**_


	14. Chapter 14

**A Changed Man – Chapter 14**

Robbie tiptoed across the landing, dressed in just his boxers and carrying a breakfast tray. He placed it down on the floor by the bed and crawled across to where Jackie slept, kissing her cheek.

"Mmm, I'm sleeping." She complained, eyes still closed. "Go away, it's Saturday."

"I've made you breakfast."

He opened the curtains a fraction letting in the warming morning sunshine.

"You have to be pushed to even put the coffee on."

"Now, now. Come on sit up."

She did as he asked and was surprised when he placed a tray on her lap; tea, juice, scrambled eggs and a bagel.

"I feel you've done something wrong," she quipped before taking a sip of the juice.

"I did, didn't I. Getting home late last night and missing the two house appointments this week. Gorgeous morning, might go out for a jog."

She almost choked on her eggs.

"Maybe not then," he smiled, "can think of other forms of exercise much more worthwhile..."

"_If _I've forgiven you."

"Aye, _if_."

He nipped back downstairs, returning with his own breakfast moments later and sitting beside her on the bed.

"Would have done bacon but we didn't have any."

"One of us needs to shop..." She said leadingly.

"My turn perhaps?"

"It'd be a start."

"Alright, I'm a right prick and a pain in the arse to live with."

"You think?"

"_But_," he stated, cutting her off, "I'm trying."

"Mmm, you are. Very."

* * *

Breakfast over; trays abandoned on the floor, Robbie lay back in bed, his eyes closed, Jackie leant on her arm watching his face, tracing each line with her fingertips.

"That tickles."

"You're getting old."

"Jeez you know how to win a guy over."

She smiled, "Hence the fact I've been single _more_ than in a relationship."

"I should have taught you some chat-up-lines."

"You should have made a move earlier."

"Believe me I tried, you're a hard nut to crack."

"Thanks for the analogy," She laughed, "And you think _my_ chat up lines suck."

He slid his hands down her back, pushing up the nightdress she wore, that twinkle in his eye as he looked up at her.

"Come here often baby?"

"That's poor," she shook the nightdress to one side and rolled over on top of him. "I'm hoping to come again."

This time he laughed, "Now, that's a good line."

"Hmm," she bent to kiss him, marvelling at how quickly his hands did their magic.

"So am I forgiven?" He breathed deeply, already lost in the moment.

"For now." She whispered against his lips before kissing him again.

* * *

"You're sure you don't mind?" Robbie asked, watching as she dug her hands down into the dirt.

"I said I didn't."

"Sometimes what women say and what they mean..."

"...Robbie please, just go," she half-turned to face him, "I don't mind, enjoy the football, have fun, I'll seeya tomorrow." She returned to potting her plants.

He slid his hands around her waist, kissing the back of her neck. "I was kinda thinking I'd pop round later, we could have dinner, go out maybe, I can book a table."

"I thought you'd be drunk."

"I can enjoy the footie without a drink."

"Okay," she brushed her gloves free of loose dirt. "Book a table somewhere then, somewhere decent mind, and I'll make an effort." She turned in his arms, keeping her hands aloft and away from his fresh t-shirt. "Bout time you started spoiling me."

"Don't want you feeling underappreciated."

"Definitely not."

He leant in to kiss her.

"Ahh, I thought you were going?"

"Hard to get. Alright," he placed a chaste kiss to her cheek. "Seeya later, I'll book a table for 8:00."

"Fine. Have a good time."

* * *

8 o'clock came and went. At 8:45 Jackie gave up and undressed, sticking a pizza in the oven and opening a bottle of wine.

Robbie wasn't answering his phone, for a moment she wondered if anything was wrong but anger quickly surpassed the concern.

She was just starting her second glass, sitting at the kitchen table mulling over a Saturday night alone. This wasn't supposed to happen when you were practically living with somebody.

"Bugger this," she muttered, picking up her phone.

She tapped her fingers on the kitchen table, switched off the oven and left the pizza inside. "Kate, hi, yeah it's Jackie. Did you say you were going out tonight?"

Fifteen minutes later she was heading out and getting into a taxi. She never was the kind of woman to sit around waiting for some guy to turn up.

* * *

Stumbling up the steps to the glossy white door Robbie fumbled with his key, it took a few seconds to fit it into the lock and let himself inside.

"Jacks!" He called, dropping his keys on the table, ditching his jacket and heading to the kitchen. She was probably gonna be pissed. He was over an hour late.

"Jackie?" He headed into the bathroom, filling the sink and rinsing his face in an attempt to clear the afternoon drinking session.

The bedroom was empty, but wardrobe doors were open and abandoned clothes left on the bed.

"Shit," he mumbled, running a hand through his damp hair.

He searched his pockets for his mobile and headed into the kitchen, there was a charger in the top drawer and he took it out and plugged it in. "Fucking technology," he complained wishing he'd stopped for chips on the way home.

Switching the oven on he found a rather dry looking pizza inside, but he took it out and settled down in front of the television to eat it.

* * *

He was snoozing on the couch when the door went. He was sure she probably slammed it deliberately.

"Jackie?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Hi," she was twisting her keys in her hand as she sat down on the coffee table in front of him. "Good day?"

"Sorry... got outta hand, few of the lads were there and well, you know."

"Unfortunately Robbie, I do."

He nodded, "Sorry."

"You said that."

"You been somewhere nice?"

"Out."

She got up, heading into the kitchen. A half eaten pizza sat on the worktop along with an empty ice-cream carton.

"Would it kill you to clean up after yourself, even if it's just once a week, make the effort."

He sloped in after her, "I'll do it now."

"I shouldn't have to keep asking."

"Thought you liked pointing out my many faults."

"I think you like falling back on them, always an excuse. Did you even book at table or was that just a line?"

"I lost track of time."

"Again... Becoming something of a hobby for you."

"Give it a rest Jackie, I'm tired."

"Hung-over." She slipped her shoes off, rubbing the soles of her feet.

"You been dancing?"

"Yes."

"Not gonna tell me who with?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, fine, don't tell. Not playing games with you Jackie."

"Games? You think this is a game."

"No..." he wished the ground would swallow him whole.

"So much for making a change."

"It was one day, one night."

"No Robbie, it wasn't. And you couldn't have called?"

"Dead battery."

"How convenient."

"Thought you weren't gonna be like this."

"Like what?"

"Constantly nagging, questioning; _where've you been, who you with_, never took you for insecure."

"Oh go to hell Robbie!"

"And that's it is it, end of argument because Jackie says so." He followed her into the bedroom.

"It's over because I hate arguing. Because we might say something we regret. Because I'm exhausted and need some sleep."

"Maybe I'm sick of arguing too."

"Then go, I'm not stopping you."

He stared at her, both silent for a moment, holding the other's gaze.

She glanced down at the bed, turning back the sheets. "Maybe you should stay at your flat tonight."

"Fine..."

He was gone within a couple of minutes and try as she might, sleep never came.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Apologies for any errors in this one - it's late but I had to finish it whilst it was all in my head!**_

**A Changed Man – chapter 15**

Jackie was dressed and making a pot of coffee, outside the sun shone brightly, at odds with her mood. There were too many questions spinning round her head, so much so that she'd hardly slept. Her love for Robbie wasn't in doubt. But the fact they were already stumbling on the road worried her.

She had this quaint little dream that Sundays would be spent reading the papers, having a long leisurely breakfast and then maybe a walk somewhere – enjoy the countryside. Lunch in some pub. That was what people in relationships did, wasn't it? Not arguing over last night's booze ups!

It was mornings like this she wished she had a private space, a garden where she could sit and enjoy the weather and relax. Instead she sat at the kitchen table, pushing down the plunger on the coffee pot and filling a cup.

The familiar click of a key in the lock startled her; she really hadn't expected to see him today. It usually took him a couple of days to come round after a row – he sulked more than she did... usually.

"Mornin'," He mumbled, tossing his keys onto the table.

"Morning, coffee?"

"Sure." He sat down opposite her, surprisingly his head was perfectly clear, no trace of a hangover. Perhaps the night at his flat did the trick.

"I'm sorry." He said taking the cup from her.

She sighed heavily.

"Don't Jackie, I'm trying to apologise."

"Fine, you've apologised, many times..."

"I can't keep doing it."

"I don't want you to keep doing it. That's the point Robbie."

"God you're confusing." He leant back in the chair.

"Female prerogative."

"Aye, so I've heard. Look I came here, early, because I had a crap night and I know I was a right dick the way I handled it. But you disappeared too... some kind of revenge?"

She bit on her lip, she would have responded, argued the point, but he was right. She nodded her head, "Yes, I guess it was. I didn't want you to think I have nothing else."

"I don't think that." He was tapping his fingers on the table, obviously nervous.

"Isn't it funny, since we've started 'dating' I've seen so much more of the sensitive Robbie who worries about how the relationship is going."

"See, I have changed."

"No, I think you just hide that side of your personality, you're a softie at heart."

"Don't tell too many people."

She smiled, gently shaking her head. "We have so much to talk through."

"I thought we might."

"Don't be sarcastic now..."

"...Sorry, sorry. We'll talk." He reached for her hand across the table. "We have all day."

She slowly drew her hand back, "I'm gonna make some eggs for breakfast, you want some?"

"Yeah, that'd be good."

* * *

The lunchtime sun was high and as a result the pub garden packed with couples and families; children racing down to the park.

Robbie slid onto the bench across from her, placing an ice-cold G&T in front of her.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

She noted his orange juice, "You're not drinking."

"Keep a clear head." He sipped his drink, watched her face as she observed a young couple to the left of them kissing over the table, hands firmly clasped together.

"So, the house," he finally said. "I drove past this morning and had a look inside, just through the windows downstairs but I like it, it's big like you said but..."

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Try to make things better by saying what you think I want to hear."

"I don't know what to say to you anymore."

She looked to the table, a slight element of shame creeping up.

"I'm sorry; I'm not putting you down. It's just... I don't want you to agree with me simply to make life easier. I want you to say what you feel. For us to be a partnership in this."

"We've always been a partnership."

"I mean privately Robbie, in life, not just work. I want us to be a family, for you to know my family and me yours."

"You'll wish you hadn't met them!"

She smiled, "I don't wish I hadn't met you."

"Not all bad then."

"Not bad at all... that's not what I mean. Just because we aren't working doesn't mean I feel differently towards you. I still love you. I still want you to be happy."

"I don't like where this is heading."

She was silent, looking away again.

"We should have stayed in the flat." She said some time later.

"It's a gorgeous day."

"I burn in the sun."

"I know." He reached for her hand again, "Jacks, let's go for a walk round the lake, where it's quiet."

Nodding she finished her drink, slightly light-headed as they got up and headed down the grass to the chalky-white path.

He held her hand, walking closely.

"Reminds me of our first date. Walking you home, except it was winter."

"It's gone so quickly. Almost August."

"Holiday season... I think we should tell Burke." He suddenly announced.

She was quiet again, staring at the ground as they walked. "Why?"

"Because, I wanna take you away somewhere, we could go extravagant, all the trimmings. We'll never get the time off together otherwise, besides if we're getting that house, or any place together then he's gonna know anyhow."

"Let's not make plans right now."

"I don't want you to be angry with me."

"I'm not angry."

"Upset then."

She quickened their pace until they'd passed an elderly couple.

"Jackie, _are_ you upset?"

"Not in the way you think."

"Shit, I don't know what to say to you."

"Don't raise your voice, people are about."

"I'm not," he deliberately whispered. "But I feel like I'm on trial, I made one... a few mistakes, I'm human."

"I know that. I've already told you I'm not angry with you, I'm not blaming you. I just realised that..."

"That what?"

"Let's go home, this was a bad idea." She stopped, rubbing her forehead, "I drank that too quickly and it's hot and I'm tired."

"Alright," he kissed her head, holding her close to him and breathing in her scent. "Alright, we'll head home."

* * *

Robbie had paced the lounge for a good fifteen minutes, Jackie had gone to rinse her face and try to cool down and clear her head.

He headed into the bedroom, impatient to sort this out. He had the horrible feeling they were reaching some kind of 'bridge' and he wasn't sure he had the answers she needed.

She was laying on the bed.

"Hey, how you feeling?" he sat down beside her, noting the cloth on her forehead.

"Awful, could you get me a couple of aspirin or something?"

"Yeah," he was back within minutes with a glass of water and the pills.

She swallowed them thankfully then plumped the pillows up behind her and sat up. She really wanted to go to sleep but his face was so expectant and this couldn't go on.

"You said we needed to talk this morning."

"I did."

"But every time I talk I say something wrong."

"No you don't... I just feel that, maybe this is wake-up call."

He was immediately wary and sat back on the bed at the opposite end to her.

"In what regard, am I getting my marching orders?"

"Don't put it like that."

"That's it thought isn't it, you're finishing it?"

She narrowed her eyes, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly tired.

"For fucks sake, I thought this was it." He got up, pacing the room again, "Finally thought this was it."

"Robbie, please, sit down."

"You're giving up on us."

"You can't possibly think this is going well. We argue all the time."

"All couples do."

"I'm not sure they do."

"We're still working things out, we'll find a way, it's still early days."

"No, it's getting too hard."

"So you give up!"

"Don't shout at me, we can do this as adults, we know each other well enough. I don't want to end up ripping each other to shreds. You're my best friend."

He sat down again, perched at the bottom of the bed, the tears threatened in her voice made his chest tighten.

"Then what... why now? Cos of last night?"

"No," she breathed gently, swallowing some more water. "Lots of things."

He snapped his gaze to her, "In what way?"

She paused, sighing again, there were things she didn't want to discuss, she didn't want to hurt him or place the blame on him. It was both of them who'd got it wrong.

"Jackie?" He prompted.

"Just... lots of different things make me think we don't work. We can't work. I mean, don't you understand how much it hurts me when I see... when you're looking some other woman, a stranger, up and down."

"But I wouldn't do anything, I'm with you."

"I know that, I'm not saying you would. But it's been months Robbie and already you're looking elsewhere. I'd never dream of doing that, never. Because I'm with you and I love you and there's nothing more that I want but you've always... You've never been able to settle, you've always looked elsewhere, what's coming around the corner that could be better."

"That's not how it is."

"No, maybe not now, but you can't deny that's pretty much how you've spent your life."

"I don't mean to hurt you," he touched her arm. "I'll stop."

She smiled, "But you can't, it's part of you, I know that. I've always known that. And I was stupid to think it would change all because of me."

"I have changed. You've made my life so much fuller."

She nodded, "You feel that way now. And at the moment it's just looking, who's to say what it will be in a year, two years? You won't change Robbie because you can't. You've always been this way. And we want very different things. I want to get married and have a home, feel like I've got a partner who's there 100% and I'm not sure you'll ever really want that."

* * *

The room was getting dark. Jackie was still sat leaning back against the pillows but Robbie now lay by her side on top of the sheets.

It had been almost silent for an hour.

She reached over and touched his shoulder. "Robbie?"

"I'm awake. Waiting for your next bombshell."

"We don't have to do this now."

"No, go on, might as well get it in one go. Lay it on the line."

"Maybe it's time to accept we've reached the end."

"What?"

"We both knew it couldn't last..."

"Did we?" He glanced up at her.

"Come on, you're telling me you saw yourself with me forever, shackled together? I don't think so. I bet you didn't even think that far ahead."

He held her gaze, the reality was he hadn't, he never thought further ahead than the next weekend. "No." He finally admitted.

"But I do, I want all those things, as sad and conservative as they might seem. A home together with a garden, shared bank accounts, Christmas' with each other's families, somebody who loves me so much he wouldn't even dream of glancing at another woman's boobs."

"I do love you."

"I know you do." She leant forward, holding his hand. "I'm not doing this to make you sound like some worthless bastard, that's not what I mean. You're wonderful and I love you so much, but we want different things in life. So rather than going on and arguing more and more, we should accept that this is it. It's been amazing but perhaps it's time to end it, before we really hurt each other, before this is all ruined."

"I don't want it to end."

She felt tears stinging her eyes, "Neither do I, but I don't want to hurt you, or you to hurt me, and I certainly don't want to lose you as a friend."

"Can't we just see how it goes?" He sat up, eagerness returning to his voice.

She leant her head back against the wall; closing her eyes and feeling the tears slip down her cheeks.

"If we keep trying it will go too far and be too hard. We said we'd try this."

"But Jackie..." he was holding her face, brushing the tears away; when he leant in to kiss her she caught his hands.

"No. Remember when I said you had to change, I didn't mean for me Robbie, I meant for you. And I don't want to force you, or make you into somebody you're not. Robbie Ross is great as he is. Don't change for me."

He rested his forehead against hers, "Everything's so screwed up."

He knew she was right. That was the problem. There were no smart comebacks or talking his way out of this one.

When he went to kiss her this time she didn't stop him, she held his hands in hers and kissed him back, slowly and tenderly.

"I'll leave my key," he finally whispered, pulling himself away from her.

One thing she hadn't expected was the taste of his tears on her lips as she sat there alone listening to him leave.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Sorry for any errors, it's late and I'm tired but I had to get this down. **_

**A Changed Man – chapter 16**

Somehow Robbie dragged himself to work come Monday morning. Dealing with it, as he always did, worked best if he side-stepped the issue and ploughed on. Besides, the cocky part of him expected her to come crawling back within a few days, especially seeing each other on a daily basis.

He almost swaggered into the office, his outward appearance belaying the inner upset and hurt he felt. Let down by her. The one person he'd always been able to rely on.

It was more than a surprise to see her chair empty. Computer still off, desk clear. He threw his jacket over his chair and poured a coffee.

"Mina, no Jackie yet?" He asked casually as the new team member passed by.

"Holiday apparently, bit sudden don't you think. She's been weird lately..."

He didn't reply, sinking into his chair and staring across at her empty one. The sudden shock quickly dissipated and was replaced by anger. What a selfish and pig-headed thing to do. Just leave. The easy way out.

* * *

"Well, that's me done." Burke said draining his pint. "Ready for the off Robbie?"

"Nah, think I'll have another."

Burke's eyes narrowed. "Been knocking em back again lately, thought you were on the straight and narrow?"

"What's that mean?"

He shrugged, "Just checking."

"Aye, no need. I'm fine."

Burke watched the younger man stumble to the bar, leaning languidly against it and waving a tenner towards the bartender. A pretty young blonde.

"Darling, one of your finest malts, double."

"Don't serve him." Burke barked from over his shoulder. "You've had enough, let's go."

"Not my boss here." But as he turned he lost his balance slightly and toppled forward into Matt's broad chest.

Easily manoeuvring him out of the pub Burke pushed him into a taxi and sent him on his way.

He often saw signs of brilliance in Robbie. When he was on the ball there was nobody better. And he had to admit he didn't mind the boyish nature in him, that cheeky glint in his eye; they'd had some good laughs over the years.

But, the fact he couldn't stop worried him. Be it drink, women, he bounded into some situations like a caveman. The past eight months he'd done so much better, though he'd been careful not to point it out to him. Burke had never been the sentimental type. He was proud of him in way, the turnaround; though he had little faith in the fact it was down to his words. No, Jackie was the one who kept him on the straight and narrow. Patience of a saint.

He'd be glad when she returned to work.

* * *

It wasn't the first time she'd felt awkward heading into work. There'd been many times over the years where she'd screwed something up or some element of her private life had been bandied all over a case. Her sex life for one! She'd never forget the look on Robbie's face when she admitted to sleeping with Shaun. Disgust, jealousy, regret... sympathy.

Shaking off the memory she quickly headed up the stairs, two at a time, eager to be back behind her desk. She'd come in earlier than usual on purpose; avoid confrontation until she felt settled. Late the previous night she'd thought of calling him, even scrolled to his number as she lay in bed, she thought of making some futile attempt to ease the way in. Explain where she'd been and why. In the end, she chickened out, downed a brandy and tried to sleep.

Her desk was neat and tidy, almost empty. She slid into her chair, switched on her PC, poured a coffee as she waited for it to load and cast her eye over the board.

"Jackie," Burke announced as he gathered the team together, "good to have you back. Where's the sombrero?"

She smiled, joining in with the constant banter was part of the course, got them through the dark days.

"Must have left it on the plane."

She was aware of his eyes on her back, he'd come in late, last, creeping to the back.

"Robbie, now you've joined us, information on this centre."

"Sir..."

He moved to the front, gingerly she thought. And she finally dared to look to his face, he was tired, hadn't shaved, and his tie was loose. She felt an overwhelming urge to hold him.

When he caught her gaze, glared, she quickly looked to her knees. Her throat tight. Her breath caught. God damn feelings. So easy to turn on, not so easy to switch off again.

"Jackie, you're with me." Burke ordered, breaking her out of her musings, she was glad. A day with Robbie might have killed her.

* * *

It was early evening before Burke left and she felt the leash relax. Certainly straight back into the fire. She was exhausted, despite two weeks lying by a pool reading heavy novels.

Sinking into her she stretched her legs out under the desk and slipped her shoes off, wiggling her toes.

"Nice tan."

Her pulse suddenly quickened.

Carefully she turned her head to where he stood, leaning against the wall by the coffee machine clutching a mug. She hadn't seen him when she'd come in.

She opened her mouth to speak, found words wouldn't quite form.

"No postcard neither."

His tone was edgy; she wanted to sidestep confrontation, especially here.

"Look, Robbie, I'm sorry I didn't call or let you know."

"No, no. Why would you?" He shrugged, moving forward to perch on the edge of her desk. "I mean, you dump me on the Sunday and disappear abroad come Monday. Why let me know."

Her head dropped, suddenly finding the floor quite interesting. "It's not like that."

"Isn't it, seems to me you couldn't face me so took the coward's way out."

"I don't wanna do this Robbie, if we can't talk like adults..."

"Because running away and hiding is very adult of you."

"Oh, forget it." She got up, pulling on her jacket. "I don't want to argue with you Robbie." She bent, picking up her shoes and shoving them on her feet. "I'm willing to talk it through outside of here, but not to be ridiculed. I made my decision because..."

"Did you ever stop to think it was the wrong one?"

"Robbie..."

"Never been good enough, that's the thing, never good enough for clean as a whistle DI Reid."

"Don't bully Robbie; we're not teenagers in the schoolyard throwing insults back and forth. We've known each other too long for that."

She turned away from him, marching across the room.

He grabbed her arm, tugging her back. "Hey, don't walk away from me. You've ignored me all day."

"I've been doing my job Robbie."

She pulled away from his grasp.

"Your job? And what about your job over the past couple of weeks, wasn't that important then?"

"It was the only way I could think of... we needed a break."

"So you think fucking off abroad for two weeks helps?"

"I needed a break, some time."

"Aww come on Jackie, we both know it was a get-out-of-jail free clause."

"I thought it was the best way... we needed space. How could we have sat across from each other a day after..."

"We've got to now."

"We've had time, both of us, to..."

"What? Move on? Yeah, that bloody easy isn't it. Don't worry Jackie," he grabbed his jacket from the hanger behind her. "I'm over you."

"Robbie!" This time she went after him. "Robbie, you're behaving like a child."

"So what's new?"

"Oh damn you then! Go kick a door in or something."

* * *

Watching him leer at the busty girl at the other end of the bar was harder than she anticipated. She'd had time to think it through and she'd pretty much decided on his plan of attack. Cold shoulder. Harsh words. Blame. And then the other women. Drinking. Smoking.

She hoped it wouldn't last.

"Nice holiday?" Mina asked as she moved to sit beside her.

"Oh, yeah, thanks."

"Bit sudden."

"Yeah well I er... got an offer. Friend got a last minute deal and needed someone, you know." She sank her drink. "So, how you doing?"

"Fine, enjoying it. Find some of our colleagues a little..." She glanced towards the bar where Robbie was planting kisses along the girl's neckline.

"You'll get used to it." She suddenly felt very sick. "I've gotta go Mina, sorry." She almost tripped, getting up so fast she forgot her purse and Mina went after her, shoving it into her hand outside the pub.

"You wanna get something to eat?" The younger lady asked. "I'm starving, get sick of eating alone."

"Yeah, sure. That'd be good." And she actually meant it, maybe company would take her mind off things.

* * *

Laying back Robbie breathed deeply, that familiar rise of pleasure still sinking through his body, through his veins. Eyes closed, he felt the warmth of her body against him, her head resting on his chest as she settled.

If he tried hard enough, he could go back to a couple of months ago. A warm night, the smell of freshly cut grass in her hair from where they'd lay outside earlier in the day staring up at a blue sky that seemed to go on forever. They'd kissed for thousands of minutes, the remains of their picnic lunch being feasted upon by ants.

And after, a quick drive home as dusk approached, that shady light late spring evenings have. Eager to be naked and with her. To whisper all the things he'd thought of for years gone by.

Things he remembered.

And now. That feeling. Flooding his body with memories. Only the reality was very different, her scent wasn't the same, the weight of her body different, she was blonde and younger and didn't have the intensity of Jackie's eyes or the throatiness of her laugh or the affection in her voice when she whispered his name.

But it was good enough for now. It could be good enough for now. He'd make it enough.


	17. Chapter 17

**A Changed Man – chapter 17**

He felt rough the next morning. It had been a while since he'd crawled into work feeling like he'd cleaned the carpet with his tongue. A small band was playing in his head and his tie felt like a noose.

He picked up an espresso on his way in and was doing his best to finish it when he wandered into the office. Sinking into his chair and spinning to face the window he lit up a cigarette, relieved that the office was practically empty.

Eyes closed he jumped out of his skin when someone grabbed the butt from out of his lips.

"Hey what the...?"

"There's no smoking in here, it's against the law. Besides, I thought you'd given up."

He held Jackie's gaze, watched as she squashed the stub into the surface of his desk. "Yeah well, things change don't they."

"Apparently so... thought you were off blondes too."

He caught the hurt in her voice and oddly it gave him a sense of hope. For a moment or two he watched her as she made a coffee and helped herself to a couple of ginger biscuits.

Realising someone else was observing the scene he spun his chair and saw Mina watching him, watching her, an odd expression fixed upon him.

"Mornin'," he sniffed, before switching his attention to his PC.

"Morning Robbie, good night?"

"Err, yeah..." he wasn't sure where the conversation was heading but was glad when his mobile rang. He snapped it open, sighing with relief, "Yeah, hi, DI Ross."

"Mr Ross, Robbie, its Susan. I was just ringing about the house you and Ms Reid viewed, following up... have you made a decision about the property?"

His eyes rested on Jackie as she moved back to her desk; to her eyes as she scanned the files left there and her mouth as she sipped her coffee. Her long, slender fingers wrapped around the mug, her nails tapping against its surface.

"Can I get back to you?" He said gently. "I'll ring later today with a decision."

* * *

Leaving Burke's office Robbie softly closed the door, closing his eyes for a second and rubbing his forehead. A polite warning, nothing on record but just a reminder... he was still on 'probation', the powers-that-be were still watching, and most likely waiting for him to fuck it up. Any excuse to get rid of him.

He took the message from his long-time boss as a friendly warning rather than another slap on the wrists.

It was early evening and he was kinda relived Burke had waited until the end of the day to talk to him, for most of it his head had throbbed like an old bell at the top of a tower.

How quickly things had gone wrong again. Yet somehow, he wasn't surprised, whatever happened, wherever life went, he always seemed to end up back here, back at the bottom of the pile.

Immediately thoughts went to her. How long they'd known each other and how long he'd relied on her, as his confidant and... and as the woman he'd loved so deeply for so very long. So deeply he'd pushed it down for years and let it fester there like some wound, only the moment he'd let it go and actually gone with it, there was no pain, only a feeling of rightness.

He glanced across at her, figuring she'd be the only one left at this hour, an odd smile forming and then quickly disappearing when he caught Chris leaning over her desk. He was saying something to her and she laughed and Robbie wanted to smash his face in.

His fists were already curling into tight balls but by the time he'd started towards them Chris was heading out of the office again.

"What the hell's he sniffing around for?" He snapped as he reached her.

"Robbie!"

"Well, sweeps in as soon as he knows. Sneaky bastard."

"He _knows_ nothing. He was trying to be nice. To be a decent friend. Do you understand the term?"

"Nice my arse, can see his way into your knickers is all."

"Not every man functions with his dick alone!"

"Oh, nice to know your real opinion Miss high and mighty."

She got up, grabbing her jacket, "I can't stand to be around you right now. Didn't take long for the old Robbie to rear his ugly head did it. Drinking. Smoking. Picking up any leggy blonde who shows an interest."

"Needed something a bit more exciting anyhow..." He cringed as soon as the words have left his mouth, he didn't mean it, didn't want to hurt her... maybe he did. Everything was such a mess.

"Jackie, I'm sorry... I didn't mean that..."

She bit her lips, forcing back the hot tears that were stinging her eyes.

"You two." Burke was there. Robbie hadn't even heard him come in. He wondered how much he'd heard. "Quit the childish arguing. Where you off to?" He asked as Jackie tied her scarf.

"Home boss. It's late."

"It's not even 8, get out there and pick up this Teddy guy now, I don't wanna wait til morning, he'll be off before we get our arses in gear. Well, snap, snap."

* * *

"Jackie."

"Don't speak to me."

She was heading downstairs, two at a time.

"I'm sorry I said it, I didn't mean it."

"I said don't speak, unless its work related."

"Didn't he say stop behaving like children?"

"Oh, so suddenly you can be adult again? You certainly haven't been behaving like one."

"And running off abroad was behaving like an adult?"

"I don't want to do this..." She sighed, pushing open the heavy fire door and heading into the car park.

"Jacks," he caught her arm, forcing her to turn to him. "Come on, we've both done things wrong but let's talk, we can't keep ignoring it."

"The way I feel right now I could ignore you for the rest of my life. You know, I'm actually thinking of a transfer, for the first time in my life, even when Michael... I didn't even consider leaving. But you..." She shook her head, "I wonder why I let it affect me so much."

"We both know why." He tugged her back into the shadows, leaning against the cool wall. "The same reason I can't move on now, that girl last night, I kept thinking of you."

"I'm so bloody flattered. Did she realise what a complete shit you are?"

He pressed his lips against hers, felt her fingers scrunch his jacket, at first reluctant and resistant and then soft and welcoming. His body flooded with love. Pulse quickened. Things could be right again. It was all right here.

"Stop it!" She pushed him back. "It doesn't help Robbie. It won't fix things."

"You're just scared." He called after her as she headed for her car.

Quickly following and getting into the passenger seat he jerked forward as she roared out into the street, the early evening light misted in melting sunshine.

"Jackie, you're scared. That was... what we have... what we could have."

"Stop it. You can't ever have anything resembling a normal relationship."

"And you think you can? You think anyone in our position can have a 'normal' relationship? We both know it doesn't work, it's why we could, because we understand."

"Stop it... please."

The tone in her voice silenced him and for the rest of the journey he stared at the road, replaying their brief but intense kiss.

* * *

They exited the club together, thudding beats still ringing in their ears.

"Well, where to next?" Robbie asked, frustrated, a drink would have been nice.

"It's getting late, I'll call in."

"I'm starving."

He got into the car, slamming the door.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"You said you were starving. Where do you want me to drive to?"

That was more like the Jackie he knew, "There's a nice chippy just round the corner."

She raised her eyebrows, "Seems unlikely in this area." But she pulled round the corner anyway.

"Want anything?" He asked as he got out.

"No, well, a coffee would be good. Think it's going to be a long one."

She got out of the car with him, stood on the pavement watching as he ran across the road to the chip shop and joined the short queue. He never changed. It was both a comfort to her, she knew him so well, and a cause of pain... he would never change and things just couldn't work between them... could they?

Dialling Burke's number she was waiting for him to answer when some kid grabbed her arm from behind, bending it back and trying to wrench the phone from her fingers.

"Ahh, you little bastard." She yelped. "Robbie!"

"Gimmie the phone!"

He smelt of liquor and fags.

She was struggling with him, unwilling to give up her precious mobile so easily, so much valuable information in there.

Across the street Robbie saw a skinny, hooded figure jump her from behind and he rushed out of the shop, tripping on the tiled floor.

He skidded out onto the pavement, out into the road.

Jackie's head shot up as cars screeched and horns bleeped and suddenly nothing mattered. Time seemed to slow and the moment freeze, she whipped the teenager backwards and heard him yelp this time as she wrenched his arm. He pushed her back, kicked her kneecap and legged it.

And she, reluctantly, made her way out into the road where Robbie lay on the bonnet of a car.

* * *

_**Hopefully, you weren't expecting that...**_


	18. Chapter 18

**A Changed Man – chapter 18**

The freeze-framed moment seemed to shatter around her as her pace increased and she raced forward to the car. A woman was getting out of the passenger side in hysterics, a man frozen at the wheel, still gripping it.

Robbie wasn't moving.

"No. No... no... no... Robbie. Robbie open your eyes." She placed her palms on his cheeks, "Robbie god damn it open your eyes."

The precious mobile she'd defended only moments ago was hastily flipped open; she mustn't panic, not now. She'd had years of training and practice at this.

"Yes, DI Reid, I need an ambulance now, officer down."

Her hand was shaking, her brain fuzzy as she tried to function as an experienced officer and not a shocked and heartbroken girlfriend. She wasn't his girlfriend anyway, not now.

"God Robbie," she brushed his hair back, dug a tissue from her pocket and tried to wipe away some of the blood from his forehead. She knew he couldn't be moved but he looked so uncomfortable, crumpled and weak, not like Robbie at all.

Everything was happening in such a rush. Passers-by trying to calm the hysterical lady, an older gentleman had opened the driver's door and was trying to talk him out. She was aware of people around her, trying to talk to her, but it was in a blur, their voices far off and distant to her.

And then the wailing ambulance cutting through it all. Relief flooded through her veins and the weight lifted slightly as they took over, moving her backwards, barking at her for details. She marvelled at their professionalism through it all.

She rode in the ambulance, huddled up and watching as they worked on him. Their speedy back-and-forth comments passed her by, too much terminology, she'd picked up bits and bobs over the years but right now it eluded her.

In the hospital she was left alone, she hobbled to the desk to give information, fighting against the soreness of her knee. And then found a chair in a corridor and sank down.

* * *

When Burke arrived she was just about coming out of the daze.

"Jackie."

She stood up at the sound of his voice.

"What the hell happened?"

"It was just so quick, some kid grabbed me, after my phone and then Robbie..." she replayed the scene again for perhaps the hundredth time. "He was racing across to help me. I don't know why he didn't... he didn't even look and then... God, he just ran out, the driver didn't stand a chance."

"Alright Jackie," he touched her arm. "Sit down for now, I'll get an update."

* * *

Her face dropped as he delivered the news. She heard the words 'operating theatre' and presumed the worse. He caught her before she hit the floor.

"Come on, let's get you sat down."

A private room, and lots of waiting, though he thought a bed and plenty of sleep would be a better bet right now.

He never thought of her as weak before. It was times like this he missed Stuart, he'd be able to hold her hand now and say reassuring things like friends did.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," he offered, patting her hand.

She sat limp in the chair, "should have just let him take the stupid phone." She muttered.

"We'll get the kid."

"I don't care about the bloody kid!" She spat. "I just care... if he doesn't make it..." She closed her eyes, forcing back tears.

* * *

Burke placed a coffee on the small table in front of her.

"Coffee, sweet and hot at least."

"I don't take sugar."

"And machine coffee doesn't come with a shot of malt neither but I figured we both needed it."

She smiled, slightly, off-centre, and looked up at the older man. "Thank you."

"Welcome."

Her head was in her hands, body tight and awkward. He couldn't remember seeing her like this, not since Michael perhaps, maybe never.

"You wanna tell me what's been going on?"

"He was hit by a car," she said incredulously, "you know that."

"Come on Jackie, I'd have had to have been a fool not to notice the changes with you two."

She looked up at him, red-eyed and shaky.

"We've been..." she swallowed, what, what were they now?

"Shagging?" He offered, leaning back in his chair.

"I wouldn't put it quite that way." She reached for the coffee, sipping the hot tasteless liquid. "But we were... together... for a while."

"How long?"

"Seven months, thereabouts."

"Quite an achievement for old trouser-snake."

She smiled, despite the implication.

"So?"

"So..." She shrugged, "Robbie's Robbie isn't he."

"Cheated?"

"No. No, he didn't. I think I realised that we wouldn't last, it was too hard."

"You ended it?"

She nodded, solemnly.

"Hence the fact the past few weeks we've been on a one way train to destruction then." He sighed, balling the paper cup in his hand and tossing it into a bin. "You should have said something."

"I didn't want to disappoint you," she said honestly. "I didn't want to face up to the fact it went wrong."

He didn't reply to that.

"You'd think I'd be better at this. Seen so many awful things and just pass it off as another day... and after Michael."

"Can't be cold to everything. And besides, it's Robbie. He'd be the same if it were you."

She glanced over to him, "Would he?"

He nodded, curtly.

She rubbed her knee sub-consciously.

"Wanna get that looked at."

"Sorry?"

"Your knee, I noticed you hobbling earlier. From the kick I presume. At least get some ice."

"Doesn't hurt."

He nodded again.

"I'll get some later, next time we get some news. What time is it?"

"Almost half ten."

She sighed heavily, closing her eyes and rubbing them, hair falling forward to cover her face.

* * *

"Sorry we didn't say anything." She whispered into the dark room. "It was wrong not to."

"We're all adults, though I can't say I was entirely pleased it was hardly a shock." He caught her expression, "Come on Jackie, it's been building for years, surprised it took so bloody long." He drained his third coffee and refilled the cup with whisky from his pocket-flask, no pretence this time.

"Nothing to hide now, it's over."

"Is it?"

"Don't look so sceptic." She held her cup over to him to fill it.

"Not sure you two will ever be 'over'."

She bit down on the edge of the cup before taking a large gulp. The burn worked its way down her throat.

"Something slightly odd about discussing this with you."

"We've known each other long enough. I'm guessing he finally came to his senses when you slipped the engagement ring on."

"Yes," she remembered his expression when he stopped her that day and told her he didn't want her to marry Chris. The earnest voice and pleading eyes. "But it's over now."

"Because?"

"Because Robbie can't change."

"You expected him too?"

She shrugged, "Maybe... no, not really. Stupid to blame him for it."

"Robbie's who he is, can't help but be a womaniser, doesn't mean he doesn't care."

"You're defending him?"

"No. Just offering a view. Besides, you've always known it, always accepted it before, laughed it off with him."

"Different when you're with him and relying on him. I kinda wanted monogamy."

"And you didn't get it?"

She paused, "I did... I guess... one slip up, nothing really. But I just couldn't..."

"I'm not one for relationship advice."

"Me neither. Never managed to get it right. I always expected it would just happen with us, one day, just work."

"Yet you ended it?"

"Yes."

"He must care, to act like he did. Racing across without a second thought."

She shrugged, "Says he loves me."

"You don't?"

"I do, that's not it, it's just so damned hard being with him. He's so unpredictable and free-willed and I don't wanna change that in him... but it doesn't mean I can make a life with him. And now... I might not even get a chance anyhow."

"Don't think the worse."

"Stupid idiot! Why would he just run out like that, he's not a young man anymore, he can't just do things like that." She covered her face again. "I'm sorry sir; I don't mean to embarrass you."

"I'm not." He patted her shoulder.

"I miss having him around the flat," she admitted. "I miss talking to him and laughing with him. I'm such a coward."

Again, Burke wished Stuart was present.

"I'll go get an update."

"I'm sorry sir," she wiped her face. "I'm just tired, shocked, I'll pull myself together."

"Take your time."

* * *

"Why do you always get the last word?" She asked, leaning forward, whispering by his ear. "You always have to be the centre of attention don't you." She brushed his hair with the palm of her hand. "Always command attention."

The machine bleeped beside her in response.

"Not so cocky right now." She breathed deeply, "And I'm not so damned sure of myself... Robbie." She squeezed his hand. "You have to wake up and talk to me."

"I keep thinking of that kiss. What you said. Maybe I am scared. Maybe I was... I mean... now I'm scared. I can't imagine you not being in my life." She leant forward and kissed the back of his hand. "So just wake up okay, and moan at me about the shitty food in here and eye up the nurses and shout at the footie on the tv. Just wake up."

Tired and emotional she rested her head down and closed her eyes.


	19. Chapter 19

_**This chapter is for newyork24-7 - - who wanted romance and happiness! **_

**A Changed Man – chapter 19**

His hands were hot on her body, skimming over her skin as effortlessly as a petal on water. Mouth on hers the instant he stepped through the door, demanding in a way yet soft and loving. His kisses full of want and yearning.

"Missed you," he mumbled as she turned fully into the embrace.

Her fingers, still covered in the scent of the onion she'd been chopping, worked quickly on his shirt buttons and tie, her tongue sliding against his.

"I can tell," she whispered back, voice husky with pleasure.

Within seconds his hands had slid under and up her jumper, fingers moving up her back until they reached the clasp of her bra and easily flicked it open. It was a skill.

"Bed?" She murmured as his mouth moved to her neck, tasting and nipping her skin.

"Here." He replied and she felt her stomach flip all over again. He was already moving down her body, on his knees, hands shifting her skirt and underwear.

"Robbie..."

She awoke with a start to the sound of her alarm. Heart beating fast, skin hot, the air tangible.

She swallowed, once, twice, and then lay there staring at the ceiling. It had been three days and still no change. Today she was going into work and last night was the first time she'd slept in her bed since it happened. It felt like the world had changed and she didn't know how to make it right again.

Functioning through sheer will alone she went through the motions of showering, dressing, having a mug of tea and half a bagel. It was all her stomach could cope with. And then the familiar route in, though a couple of hours later than she'd usually arrive. The boss was being unbelievably lenient with her.

Head down she made her way up the back stairs to avoid too many questions and went straight to her desk, there were a few mournful glances her way but otherwise business went on as usual, which was how she wanted it.

"Jackie," Mina was suddenly by her side. "Good to see you. Boss said still no change."

She shook her head. "I needed to work for a while. Get my head focussing on something else."

"Sure, well, new case came in yesterday, body found floating down river, pretty gruesome." She tossed her a file.

"Aren't they always."

"Oh, and some woman's been calling for you. Susan? I left it on your screen."

Happy for the diversion Jackie flipped open the file at the same time as peeling the post-it from her computer. 'Susan, estate agents.' God, she'd forgotten about her.

She quickly dialled the number, skim-reading the notes in the file.

"Yes, good morning, can I speak to Susan please?"

She waited a few seconds before being passed across.

"Ms Reid, good to hear from you, and so happy you decided to take the house."

"Excuse me?"

"Robbie rang a few days ago and offered asking price, it was accepted immediately and he said his solicitor would be in touch. He sounded so eager so I was surprised not to hear more from him."

Her throat tightened. He'd bought their house?

"Robbie, erm, he was involved in a car accident. He's in hospital. Still unconscious." She licked her lips, head filling with questions.

"I'm so sorry," the lady droned on. "We hadn't heard, I just assumed he got caught up... I don't know what you want to do; I've never been in this situation..." She sounded awkward, though possibly genuinely upset too. Jackie tried not to be too cynical and judge it just on the fact she'd lose commission.

Her mouth opened to speak before she'd really thought it through.

"I'll call my solicitor and get back to you." She finally said before putting the phone down. She wouldn't cry again, there'd been too much of that and she wasn't some weak-willed woman.

Robbie would get better and when he did they'd move forward... he'd gone ahead with the house? The house they agreed was too big despite her falling instantly in love with it. And they weren't even together. Was he so damned arrogant he knew they'd reconcile or did he plan to live there alone? If he wasn't so confusing and egotistical she'd have thought it romantic.

* * *

It was late when she got to the hospital, a few carefully placed words and they allowed her in despite the hour. She sat by his bed, in silence for over an hour, watching him sleep – she preferred to think of it as sleep.

Later, she ate a dry cheese sandwich in the cafeteria followed by weak tea from a machine and then went back to him. His skin looked clammy but the young nurse outside let her have a bowl of warm water and she carefully washed his face, feeling a little like Florence Nightingale as she did so.

"You'd love this, being fussed over." She said to him, the first words she'd spoken since she arrived. "I'm not sure if you really can hear me or not, you might be shutting me out on purpose. In fact when I'm not here I bet you crack open an eye to marvel at the nurses in uniform. Old pervert that you are."

She swore he flinched slightly at her touch on his brow.

She smiled, "Robbie, I need to talk to you about the house. I'm not sure what's going on, what you planned..."

Putting the bowl aside she curled her legs up on the bed beside him, leaning over him, as she did so she thought of the last time she sat with Brian and then quickly brushed it aside. That wasn't going to happen.

"It's time you woke up now," she whispered, holding his hand. "Rested long enough. I miss having somebody to boss around and judge." She leant in closer, kissing his cheek, "I'm sorry, you were right I was scared. But I have so much to explain to you about that, so stop messing about, alright."

* * *

The house was very still, silent. She stood in the centre of the lounge listening to what it had to say. Despite the fact it was now empty it didn't feel so large this time, it felt somehow right.

The sunlight cast shadows across the rooms, splintering in through the large windows. They'd never even viewed it together, it made her laugh now, standing there in the silent house laughing to herself about the fuck-up Robbie made of the entire situation.

It seemed so trivial now, reflecting on it. Did she really end it with him because of that? No, it was down to much more. But somehow all of those things now seemed trivial when compared to never being with him again. All those years together, flirting back and forth, the odd hint of attraction, the obvious hints of attraction, and then deep friendship and care and finally when she gets all she's ever wanted she walks away?

No wonder she was leaning towards spending her later years alone. She used to have dreams of retiring abroad and spending the days in the sunshine with a man she loved and who loved her... it was always Robbie in her mind. Surprisingly that hadn't changed.

Decision made she went back out to where Susan was waiting in the car.

"I'm going to go through with it." She said, determined. "I'll call my solicitor straight away and get everything moving."

"And Robbie?"

"Will be fine. And hopefully ready to decorate."

* * *

Burke rang at 3 in the morning. She expected the worst and gripped the bed sheets waiting for bad news or some god awful case. Instead, he said the words she'd been waiting to hear for days. He's awake.

The drive through the city had never seemed so long or so lustrous. The streetlights were more luminous than before. The atmosphere charged and energetic, as if prepared for something to happen. Maybe that was just her, her energy, even at this hour.

Surprisingly he was sat up, eyes open, bright and shining and that old glimmer of flirtation as nurses fussed around him removing wires and stacking pillows.

"God, things don't change." She said as she walked in. She remained by the door, watching him, he was awake, finally.

"I'm told you were good company," he said, never taking his eyes from her.

She shrugged, "Somebody had to make sure you didn't wander off anywhere."

"Not get rid of me so easily."

The silence stretched on for a moment too long and awkwardly she went to sit by his bed waiting to be alone with him.

He reached over and took her hand and she folded her fingers with his.

Finally, the door closed on the outside world.

"No sex for a while." She stated, staring at their hands.

"With...?"

"Me of course, you have to recover."

"Ahh..." he said, a little confused but already beaming.

"We've got some painting to do."

He glanced across at her, "Are we moving?"

"Don't say it like that; you made the god damned offer."

"I did not!"

"Well you must have forgotten then because I got a call saying you'd offered and they'd accepted."

"I didn't expect them too. I was trying to buy time, thought they'd want more money."

"Idiot. Stupid game to play."

"Games! I don't know where I am with you."

She sat forward, kissing him firmly. "Right here. No more messing around. No more being afraid."

"I need to be hospitalised more often."

"You ever scare me like this again and I'll bloody well kill you."

"An apt place to do it in."

"Smart arse."

"Kiss me again, forgotten what it feels like."

She did so then moved to sit beside him on the bed. "We've got a lot to discuss." She said.

"No big smoochy reunion?"

"Not our style. But I am sorry we argued so much."

"Me too. I was a jerk... in many ways... that girl the other night."

"Don't. Fresh start. I was a fool to let it go, I got scared. I kept thinking you couldn't possibly want me and that it would never last so if I was going to get hurt anyway it might as well be quick and get it over with."

"Why didn't you just talk to me?"

"Because that would have been too easy. Besides, you were too busy turning up late or forgetting I existed."

He sighed then nodded, "Okay, maybe I got scared too. The old fear of the ball and chain... buying a house together..."

"We don't have to." She interrupted.

"Being apart from you made me realise there's no bigger fear."

"Me too."

"Then you did us a favour."

"I'm always right."

She kissed his head. "Go to sleep now, I need you to get well, because in about six or seven weeks I've got plans for you."

"Can't we just hire decorators?"

"No, I want it to be us, ours. I've never owned property with somebody before... I moved in with Brian."

"God, I've got to sell my flat."

"Don't worry about that now." She moved to let him settle back.

"Lay here with me."

"You know I'll get thrown out." But she slipped her shoes off and moved to lie beside him.

"You're my girlfriend, which means you can sleep in my bed."

"I like the use of 'girl'."

"Better than stubborn old woman." He whispered, eyes closed.

"I can still leave."

"Never again." He said adamantly, squeezing her hand.

"Same goes for you. No more chasing after cars, they're bigger and will always win."

"Advice noted."

"Go to sleep," she said leaning her head against his.

"Yes boss."


	20. Chapter 20

**A Changed Man – chapter 20**

Dropping the bags to the floor Robbie let out a low sigh, "Bloody hell, I'd forgotten how big it is."

"Doesn't it look beautiful this morning?"

"I've got to paint this fucker!"

"Robbie, language, in my new home."

She was practically dancing around the room. He perched himself on the window-sill watching.

"Like a kid."

"I've got so many ideas."

"Does my furniture fit in any of these ideas?"

"I do believe we decided your flat is to be sold fully-furnished."

"I love the liberal use of 'we' when it suits."

"Stop picking, besides you're dragging your heels, my flat is sold and I'm ready to go. I hope you're not doing it on purpose." She leant over him, one hand either side of where he sat, her face inches from his.

"Of course not."

"How's your leg?"

"Fine." He slid hands to her hips.

"You've only had your pot off three days, don't push it today."

"There are things I can do, been going stir crazy stuck at home."

"I hadn't noticed."

He tapped her behind, one hand coming down to squeeze, "Let's christen the lounge."

"Now, I thought it would be romantic to wait until our first proper night here."

He leant in to kiss her, "Screw romance."

She kissed him then quickly pulled back, "I want _some_ romance at least."

"I'll cover the bed in rose petals on our first night..." He pulled her close again. "Now, no awkward pot getting in the way."

"I kinda liked figuring our way around that... stop focussing on sex and start focussing on colour schemes."

She moved back again, taking a batch of booklets from one of the bags. "Okay, so I have possible colours for this room. See what you think."

He rolled his eyes as she handed them to him, some pages already marked out with post-its.

"I think I'm gonna need a drink for this"

"I'll find the kettle in a minute and make some coffee."

"Hardly what I had in mind."

"I'll paint topless as an incentive!"

He grinned, "So I like this one cream with the hints of pale green. Nice to have a splash of colour."

She was still laughing at she searched in the cupboard under the stairs for the water switch. But he held her to it, and she ended up glossing in her bra.

* * *

When night fell they finally gave up and with aching and paint-splattered bodies sat on the lounge floor leaning against the radiator under the window.

"You hungry?" Jackie asked.

"Starving, and thirsty too. No more tea though."

"I'll go pick something up, or we can go back to the flat and eat there."

"Let's stay here and eat, then we can take a look at your ideas for the kitchen."

She nudged his arm with hers, "You're getting into this."

"Don't tell the world, my brain's been so starved of action these past few weeks I'll take anything to pass the time."

"Ever the tough-guy." She dragged herself up, moaning as she did so. "God, I'm getting old. How you feeling?"

"Fussed over."

She leant down and ruffled his hair, "Make the most of it. How's my face?"

"Gorgeous."

"I meant paint-wise. And what do you fancy for dinner?"

"You choose."

Whilst she was gone he wandered, or rather hobbled, around the house. When she'd pointed it out to him months ago in the brochure he thought it looked like any other up-market kinda suburban joint. Now, it seemed like somewhere he was going to be happy in, where he was going to make real changes to his life and make it last. God, he hoped he could make it last!

The back bedroom, which would be theirs, was quiet, not overly large but they'd decided the next room would have the wardrobes and serve as a kind-of 'dressing room', though he loathed to use the term. If anyone ever asked he'd point out very quickly that it was hers... he just used the mirror occasionally. But then, they had spare rooms and no kids so it seemed silly to have them all serving as guest beds, as if they ever really had time for guests anyhow. Maybe a couple of times a year.

He was leaning on the window sill, standing in the darkness trying to make out shapes in the back garden when she returned.

"Up here," he called down to her and listened as she found which stairs creaked on her way up.

"Why are you standing in the dark?" She asked coming in to him.

"Just thinking, leave the light off."

She did as he asked and moved to stand behind him, slipping her arms around his waist and resting her chin on his shoulder.

"What you thinking? Too large? Too much garden for two workaholics with no children?"

"None of the above. Besides, one day we'll retire."

"Aye, when we're about 85."

He smiled, "I was thinking what a year it's been, and... and I hope Jamie visits, I'd like for him to come and stay for a few days or a couple a weeks?"

"You know I have no problem with that."

He nodded, "Yeah, it's always been me with the problem."

She remained silent, leaning against him, holding him tight and letting him talk.

"I'm getting old Jacks, and I need to face it. This year's been a wakeup call. The choices I make," he corrected himself, "That I've made, it's no kinda life." He shrugged. "Have to start thinking first, not after the event."

"Like not running into oncoming traffic?"

He laughed again, turning to face her, "Yeah something like that."

"You've gone very melancholy whilst I've been gone... did you find a bottle of vodka or something and mix it with your pain-killers?"

"No!" He nudged her chin with his, "just got me thinking, being here alone. Made a lot of changes?"

She nodded, "A-ha... Don't make too many changes though, I like Robbie Ross most of the time."

His eyes twinkled as he gently kissed her, "Did you get some food?"

"Of course, we better go eat before its cold."

* * *

He laughed as she rolled out two packages of fish and chips, offering him a plastic fork as she did so.

"Great choice!" He smiled, leaning back against the radiator again and placing the paper bundle in his lap.

"And..." she held a bottle towards him.

"Fish and chips and Champagne... we live the high-life."

"Too right, and..." she promptly opened the carrier bag and produced two plastic cups, "Ta-dah! Glamorous indeed."

"Ever practical Reid."

"Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment, now open the bottle."

"What's the occasion?"

"Come on, our first meal in our new home... _our_ being the key word."

"The emphasis didn't escape me." He popped the cork and quickly filled the cups.

"Not too much for you though with your pills."

"Worrier."

"I've never been so worried in my life as I was in that hospital."

He knocked his cup against hers, "Cheers babe."

"Babe yourself," she glared, "cheers."

She moved to sit beside him, opening up her own 'dinner'.

"Mmm, definitely a good choice." He said tearing into his fish.

"Well, I know you prefer food in ready-made plates."

He grinned, turning his head to look at her, "We get on alright don't we."

"I should hope so," she swallowed a chip and took a sip of her drink. "Why do you say that?"

"Just thinking about things."

"So very deep and meaningful tonight. We've always got on, whether we were sleeping together or not. Doesn't mean you haven't pissed me right off every other day over the years."

"I know. And I could say the same... but it would be a lie. Maybe once, twice a week you piss me off."

"That's not bad." She smiled, leaning against his arm.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, eating and drinking and surveying their freshly painted lounge.

"We should get a huge telly." He suddenly announced.

"Not too big, when do we really have time to watch it?"

"You watch all that cooking stuff and, most importantly, the footie at the weekend. A huge one! Can have the guys round, few beers, you know."

"We've not even moved in and you're ruining my lounge. And what do I do on said football days?"

"Join us."

"Because that won't be awkward at all."

He draped an arm round her shoulders, pulling her against him. "You're not like other bir... women."

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not." She refilled their glasses. "Remember once you said I was a mate not a bird."

"I remember once inviting you over for diner then fucking it right up with someone who didn't really mean a thing. I've made some grade A mistakes over the years so take no notice."

"I never do," she smiled. "I know we talked about this when you got out of the hospital but I just... you know how sorry I am for just walking away."

"I know." He kissed the top of her head. "I hardly made it easy."

"You tried too... that day at the pub when you were trying so hard and all I could think... The problem was I'd already made my decision, it wasn't going to work so it didn't matter what you said or did it wouldn't change my mind."

"Always so damned stubborn. But I have to say, classy as always, you dump some poor guy then go off on some fancy holiday."

"Of which I spent most of sat by the pool on my own feeling middle-aged and sorry for myself."

"Least you got a nice tan out of it." He pushed his empty wrapper to one side, "Well that's the local chippy tested, tell you what, I'll be in charge of organising the take-out drawer and rank order our favourites."

She squeezed his leg, "Now that's a big job, are you sure you're up to it?"

"I'll give it a shot."

They laughed together, "You wanna finish these?"

"Nah, I've had enough," he said pinching another chip from her.

She rolled her leftovers up and gathered all the rubbish into the carrier bag. "Best put that out when we leave otherwise it will smell in here."

"We need time off to decorate, never get anything done in the evening. Waste of time coming."

"We'll get there, still a few weeks before we move and as long as we've got the big rooms done, the others can wait."

He reached for her arm, tugging her back to him, "Don't do that now, let's have a minute."

"We just had five," but she left the clearing and went back to sit with him, leaning into his embrace and resting her head on his chest. "I'll fall to sleep."

"Don't, we got colour schemes to decide before we go back to the flat."

"Not home?"

"Not anymore."

She smiled, "You're turning sentimental."

"It's the drugs."

Smirking she closed her eyes, revelling in the warmth of his body next to hers.

"Promise me something," he whispered, kissing her head, inhaling the familiar, comforting fragrance of her hair.

"What? I've already agreed nothing with flowers on."

"Don't let me screw it up this time."

She remained silent, opening her eyes after a while and staring down at their entwined hands on his lap.

"That's kinda up to you." Slowly she lifted her head up, looking at him.

He finally nodded, "I know." He reached to touch her hair, "Don't wanna lose you, I waited too long for this to happen and we work so well together."

"I know."

"And every time I think I'm moving forward I do something to mess it up, head back down a road I don't want to go."

She placed a finger on his lips, "No more recriminations. We both made mistakes; otherwise we wouldn't be two divorcees with a string of bad decisions behind us."

"Some very bad decisions."

"_Very_ bad!" She smiled, "How's your leg?"

"Holding up?"

"Wanna finish the Champagne and fool around?"

He grinned, "Sure. But er, what about the romance?"

She shrugged, "Over-rated. I'll take good sex any day of the week."

"Baby, you can have it _every_ day of the week."

"You call me baby again and you can go without for a couple of weeks."

He laughed, "Fine, but I bet I know who'd give in first."

"I would not!"

"You would too, catch me in the shower one morning and the need come upon you, wouldn't be able to resist."

"You wanna test out this little theory?"

"I'm telling ya..."

"Hmm..." She leant over and kissed him, slowly, deeply, holding his face as she did so. "Love you," she whispered against his mouth.

"Love you too. Babe."


	21. Chapter 21

_**Just about reaching the end of this story, 1 or 2 more chapters to go, thanks for sticking with it.**_

**A Changed Man – chapter 21**

Opening the cool bag Robbie took out a can of beer and closed his eyes as he drank. He was exhausted, hot and suffering from a killer of a headache.

For weeks he'd dreaded the thought of moving. All the stress that went with it; what was in which box, having to trip over each other's stuff for days and living without a working fridge-freezer as it waited to be fitted. Everywhere smelt of paint and some doors still sticky with varnish. He had no idea where his clothes were or how to work the stupid timer on the boiler.

And top it off they'd decided to move on what turned out to be the hottest day of the year. His t-shirt was stuck to him and no matter how many times he washed his face his skin still felt coated in dust.

He swiped at a tiny fly as it fussed around his face and took another welcome gulp of beer. From the kitchen window he could just see Jackie's feet swinging back and forth, the flip-flops she'd been wearing all day were on the grass and her legs were stuck out straight in front of her. He wondered where she'd disappeared to when it came time to pay the delivery guys.

He went to stand at the open patio doors, it had been sweltering all day but now, getting on for seven at night, it was just becoming bearable. The new position allowed him to see her entirely; sat back on one of those garden swing-seat things, it looked like it had seen better days but was serving its purpose for the moment.

She looked utterly relaxed for the first time in about twelve hours. She'd woken him at 5:30 that morning banging about downstairs with boxes and forcing a cup of tea down him so she could 'pack the kettle.' It seemed to him an ungodly hour to be drinking tea, especially as the delivery van wasn't due until 10. But he said nothing and went along with it, he knew all too well the wrath of Reid, and she loved it when he referred to her moods that way!

Her face was upturned to the sun now, still fairly high despite the coming evening. Her eyes closed, arms spread wide along the back of the swing and her legs gently kicking her forward every now and then.

Smiling he made his way out to her, over the patio and up the grass. She opened her eyes slightly at his approach.

"You look the picture of bliss."

She breathed heavily, "I'm not sure I feel it."

He handed his beer to her and she took a grateful drink patting the seat next to her. "It's quite nice here."

"Unbearable this lunchtime."

"Some of us didn't have time to stop for lunch," she teased, leaning against him.

He draped his arm around her, "You should have made time. Doesn't have to be so stressful."

"Oh really, so you having an argument with the wardrobe door was perfectly normal."

He smiled down at her upturned face, "Perfectly." Before kissing her forehead. "We're in now anyway, can only get easier."

At that she laughed, "You're kidding right, now we have to get used to being in each other's space 24-7. Before you could at least piss off to your flat for a few hours to give us space."

"Love the positivity. Think of the good things, like, you'll be able to make my dinner each and every day after work."

"Ay and pigs might blummin well fly."

He pulled her tighter against him, "Loving the fact we have a garden though, and I wasn't really sure about it."

"Somewhere to enjoy the few days of sunshine we actually get in Glasgow."

"Exactly, and anytime you wanna go topless is absolutely fine with me."

"Noted." She closed her eyes again, leaning her head against his arm. "Although this is a posh area you know, I don't think nudity in the garden will be tolerated."

"Ahh fair point."

"Who would have thought you and I would actually ever get to this... living together, buying a house together."

"And, more to the point, the boss would let us have the day off together to move."

"Mmm, surprisingly supportive about it all."

"As long as we adhere to the list of rules..."

"I think we can manage," she sat up again, leaning forward for her flip-flops. "No arguments taken into work, I'm sure that'll be easy."

He laughed at her tone, "As if we ever argue."

"We don't, we just have slight disagreements then you realise I'm right and the world is okay again."

"Good job I fancy the pants off you."

She turned to face him, "Come on, I need you to move the bed into position for me so I can get some sheets on it for tonight and then we'll think about dinner."

"I'll sort dinner, gotta plan."

She leant forward, her knees resting against his, her hands leaning on the back of the swing. "You have a plan, sounds mysterious."

"Well, you said something about romance so thought I'd give it a go, and don't look so surprised over it."

"Never," she whispered as she kissed him.

* * *

Gently tapping on the lounge door Jackie whispered, "So, can I come in yet?"

"Erm, what you wearing?"

She rolled her eyes, twisting the door handle, "Robbie, don't be ridiculous."

"Ahh, wait..." he was at the door just as she cracked it open slightly. He peered out looking her up and down. "Is this a sexy outfit?"

"You never said there was a dress code, this is Jackie in her PJs fresh from the shower, hair still wet, exhausted and starving and ready for a glass of wine. So stop messing about. You've been in there ages."

"Alright, alright, but remember I'm working around piles of boxes here."

"Robbie," she complained, pushing the door forward. He stepped back this time, allowing her access.

The light in the room was dim, flickering, candles were lined up along the mantelpiece and most of the floor was covered in cushions, in the centre a kind-of picnic was laid out.

"Thought it might be sweet, like our meal that night in the cottage, you know the first time we..."

"I hadn't forgotten." She turned back to him. "It's very sweet Robbie, thank you."

He shrugged, "Something in it for me too." He said sliding his arms around her waist.

She looped her arms around his shoulders, "Ahh, some kind of foreplay is it this?"

"To be honest, I'm so tired I'm not sure I'll be up to my usual top-performance."

"Well, less than 100% isn't worth bothering with."

"I didn't say not worth bothering..." He nudged her chin with his before drawing her lips into a deep kiss.

She breathed deeply as they parted, "You know, there are times you annoy the hell out of me and then you do that and I remember why I like you so much."

"Wait til you taste dinner."

"No pizza? No chips? You couldn't possibly have cooked."

"No, but I will, take-out for now. A posh meal though, my favourite Italian, good bottle of plonk."

"You've thought of everything." She teased as she sat down, it was easier to share the banter with him than admit he'd caught her off-guard, so unlike Robbie to plan something like this, he could do spontaneous romance quite easily, but this he'd thought through and planned and it touched her how caring it was.

"Cheers," he said tipping his glass towards hers.

"Cheers."

"Housemate."

She smiled in response, quite possibly the happiest she'd ever been.

* * *

It wasn't usual for him to wake before her, her body clock was prompter than his and he marvelled how even on days off she'd be up with the sunrise and already busy.

Yet, for possibly the first time in their relationship, he woke and found she was still in a very deep, and well deserved, sleep. Leaving her he pulled on a t-shirt and jogging bottoms and decided to go for a run. It had been a while but he managed a couple of miles before he headed back.

He called in the newsagents for the morning paper and then walked home, sipping on a bottle of orange juice as he did. Rounding the corner to their house he spotted a sleek red car pulling up alongside.

"Well, this is a surprise." He said as the women got out of the car. "Wasn't aware you did after-care, not come to take it off us have you?"

"Hardly," Susan smiled, removing her sunglasses. "Just wanted to drop off some documents, they were neglected from the pack we sent out last week."

"Oh right, well come in, hopefully Jackie will be up by now. Totally knackered after yesterday."

The estate agent followed him inside, tripping over a couple of boxes in the hall as they made their way into the kitchen.

"Jacks, you up?" He called.

"Yes," she replied, and he found her on her knees in the kitchen, scrubbing the back of one of the cabinets. "Where you been?"

"For a run, found Susan on the doorstep."

"Oh?" She sat back, pulling her head out of the cupboard. "Oh! You mean here." She yanked a rubber glove off, "Hi, morning."

"Morning, you look busy."

"Mmm, so attractive." She said, suddenly very aware of her lack-lustre attire and messy hair.

"Shall I make coffee?" Robbie offered, oblivious.

"Not for me, I only wanted to drop these off," she dropped a stuffed envelope to the table, "see how you were..." her gaze lingered on Robbie, "...getting on."

"Fine." He shrugged, "Great actually. Back to full health."

"Good, that's good. I guess I better go and leave you two to it. So erm," she held a hand out to Robbie, "I hope you'll be very happy here. The pair of you."

"Thanks," Jackie said, remaining on the floor.

"I'll show you out."

She listened to their brief conversation, seething by the time he came back in.

"That was nice," he said, filling the coffee machine.

"Nice. What a tramp!"

"How so?"

"Are you blind? Coming round to flirt with you when we've just moved in together."

He laughed, "She wasn't flirting."

"For a guy who claims to know so bloody much about women you can be clueless at times."

She returned to scrubbing the cupboard, more vigorously this time, and all the time mumbling on about their recent guest.

"What's she think, you're gonna abandon me and move her in, just because she's younger, blonde and legs up to her armpits."

He laughed again, partly at her turn of phrase, partly at the sight of her backside wobbling about as she cleaned.

"It's not funny. I cannae believe the nerve of her."

"You're overreacting."

She whipped round to face him, "Don't say that, makes me suspicious..."

His face dropped this time, "No don't start that." He knelt down beside her, "I don't care if she's got legs up to her armpits or boobs as big as boulders, I'm with you, I love you. No more doubting. It isn't fair, I haven't done..."

"No, I know that." She sat back on her heels, shoulders sagging. "I know, I'm just being silly. It's her I'm angry with, not jealous."

"Well she's got no need to come round again and if she does I'll make it clear. I am not interested." He kissed her forehead. "Loving this look on you."

"Liar. You wanna help me out though?"

"I can't think of anything sexier than the pair of us wearing rubber gloves and cleaning cupboards."

"This is normality, the boring side of relationships."

"Yep," he flicked bubbly water at her. "And don't doubt the fact I'm still loving it, all of this."

She tilted her head to one side regarding him, "You're finally growing up."

"I've got a big mortgage now, and need to keep my woman happy."

This time she flicked the water at him, "Your woman?"

"You don't like neither? No better than babe?"

"No, and no 'darling' neither."

His slipped his hands down to her waist, toying with the tie on her loose-fitting jogging bottoms. "How about, sexy cleaning lady."

"Now we're entering fantasy section aren't we?"

"Oh I have a whole truckload of those..."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Used to have unreal fantasies about a DS in a sexy little pink blouse, leaning over my desk and revealing a glimpse of black lace beneath."

"You dirty..."

"You love it."

She whacked him with the rubber gloves, "Get cleaning."


	22. Chapter 22

_**The final chapter - I could have gone on forever just trailing the lives of these two but I kinda like the place its reached and I have lots more story ideas to explore for them, so this is the end of CM. Thanks for reading!**_

* * *

**A Changed Man – chapter 22**

**Three months later**

"_**I have seen my home town in your eyes."**_

It had occurred to her, as she'd aged and learnt about life, that love wasn't all it cracked up to be. When she was young she figured love would come easily, swiftly followed by marriage and possibly babies and forever-after. Not to be.

Even before she'd married Brian there had been doubt. Nothing concrete but some tiny, niggling, questioning voice that kept her awake in the nights leading up to the big day. Questions over his expectations upon her, that perhaps his idea of marriage was very different to hers. In retrospect she probably rushed into it all, or rather let herself be led into it. The ceremony itself wasn't exactly what she would have wished for neither, though try as she might she couldn't exactly work out what it was she _would _have wished for.

Yet she did love him, she knew that. But the love she'd felt for him was 'young love', nothing at all like what she felt for Robbie now. A love that had grown over so many years, that had seen so much and weathered so bloody much and still somehow survived. She expected that it was the kind of love that couples reached after being married for many years.

Turning over in bed she watched him sleep. She wasn't one of those soppy types. She didn't lie there thanking god for every breath he took in and out, but things did change with age. She was more sentimental now than perhaps she used to be, thankful of what they shared, and despite their arguments every now and then, happy it was going well. Odd how easily they had fallen into the routine of living together.

The autumn morning was crisp and she reached for a jumper as she tip-toed out of the bedroom and downstairs. She opened the blinds in the kitchen and filled the coffee pot, looking out over the garden as she waited for it to filter through. The trees were now nearly bare, Halloween close by; she wondered how Robbie would take her idea of hanging skeletons on the front of the house and spider-webs over the gate.

"Hey gorgeous, wanna hook up?"

She laughed as he appeared behind her, shaking her head at him. "Still such a child."

He winked, cocky as ever.

"You're in a good mood." She said.

"Every reason to be, what you smiling about anyway?" he asked, padding barefoot across the kitchen, dressed in just a pair of black boxers.

"Halloween, thought you could dress up, what do you think?" She turned round, leaning back against the counter, "Dracula?"

He was opening the fridge, taking out of carton of orange and drinking straight from it, "Aye alright, you gonna be my sexy bride?"

She paused for a moment, narrowing her eyes, "Bride?"

"The brides of Dracula..."

"Oh, yeah." She mumbled, nodding, he took another drink from the carton. In the past things like that would bother her, but as always they'd found a way around the problem – she bought two and kept hers at the back of the fridge and his in the door.

"I'm thinking push-up bra, red lipstick, slinky lace number." He outlined her figure in the air as he spoke.

"Alright, alright, you win." She was pouring coffee as she spoke, "I'm rethinking the whole thing, something with a thick rubber mask for you might work better."

"You'd miss my face," he whispered by her ear, sliding his arms around her waist.

"Yeah, I'm sure I'd cry myself to sleep."

He kissed her cheek, then her neck, shifting her hair back as he did so. "We both know you would."

She smiled, his hands were already wandering, fingers tracing down her skin, not only did it surprise her how such a thing could still tie her stomach in knots but it amazed her he was still so interested, still so passionate.

"We haven't got time for that," she whispered, yet she was leaning back into him.

"Your fault..."

"How?" Her eyes were closed, body swaying against his.

"Shouldn't wander around in just a tiny jumper."

"Says the guy dressed in boxers."

"Mmm," his tongue was tracing patterns along her collarbone.

"Robbie..." she breathed, I have to shower, get dressed, the traffic might be bad."

"Stop making excuses." He slid her round to face him. "Nothing important anyway."

"Oh no, only my brother's wedding."

"His third Jacks, the romance has worn off a bit."

"You cannae say that for sure, all relationships are different."

He narrowed his eyes, holding her tight against him.

"Oh alright, third wedding has lost the lustre somehow, but still, I don't want to be late. And please try to be nice."

"I'm always nice, it's in my nature." He kissed her neck again.

"Despite your aversion to weddings."

"They make me nervous." He mumbled against her skin.

"Aye, you've said. Robbie..."

"Five minutes."

"Five minutes! So romantic with me."

He lifted his head back up to look her in the eye, she held his gaze, brushing his hair back with a lopsided smile on her face. In a flash he'd lifted her up and she yelped as he did so and sat her back on the table.

"Always with the romance," he said lifting her jumper up and over her head.

She smiled, lying back on the table, dragging her hand down his chest as she did. "Well, five minutes indeed."

"I'll have you know I can do plenty in five minutes." He lifted her leg up, kissing her ankle then down to her knee, tickling behind it with his tongue until she giggled, then to her thigh, closer and closer until she was squirming beneath him.

"And now you wish I'd rush right."

"Tease," she panted, eyes half-closed as she looked up at him.

"Don't wanna be late..."

"You stop now and god help me I'll..."

He moved his body over hers, mouth hovering by hers, "You'll do what?"

"Oh shut up, cocky bastard." She wrapped her legs tight around him, holding him against her.

"I've been asked to do worse things." He said as his lips met hers.

* * *

"Told you we'd make it on time." He said as she pulled into the country house car park.

"Ten minutes before the ceremony starts isn't on time."

"Yeah well you insisted on seconds," he teased reaching into the back of the car for his jacket.

"My how you suffer." She pulled down the mirror to check her make-up and he leant over the divide to her.

"Such hardship." He said with a smile, his lips meeting hers in a brief kiss. "You look gorgeous."

"Thank you, you look pretty gorgeous yourself."

"Not gonna show you up then?"

"Hardly. Don't get drunk and start dancing though."

"Alcohol is the only thing that's gonna get me through this day."

"Oh, it won't be that bad," she rested her hand against his cheek. "I'll buy you chips on the way home."

"How about considering the whole outdoor activities thing?"

"No, I've told you a hundred times I'm not going to have sex with you outside."

"What's the point in having a garden if you can't use it?"

She shook her head again, smiling at him, "One track mind." She kissed him again, "thanks for coming."

"Any time."

They were interrupted by a gentle tapping against the car window. "Cutting it fine," a woman said.

"My sister-in-law, Penny, she doesn't like me." She mouthed.

He tightened his tie, "Observe the Ross charm."

* * *

"Oh god, god, god..." He complained, moving his car-seat back and tossing his tie into the back. "That was the longest wedding in history."

"I'm sorry;" she started the car, turning on the sat-nav. "Thought we'd get away before now."

"It's two in the morning, and I'm still sober."

"Thanks for that too."

"Didn't want to show you up."

"Never, let's hope this thing can find the way home from here." She said putting the car into reverse.

"We should have got a room, stayed over."

"There was a booking thing on the invitation but I figured you wouldn't want to stay and do the whole wedding-breakfast tomorrow."

"Right." He was tapping his fingers against the dashboard, "Your kind of place this?"

"What, the house?" she shrugged, "nice enough for a weekend away."

"Not a wedding."

"I guess so, if that's your type of thing. All very polite and organised and pretty."

He laughed, "I love how different you are..."

"Different as in weird."

"No, different to other women. Most would be gushing about the flowers and the twirls of salmon on little sticks."

"I like real food. As you can tell from my expanding waistline."

"I happen to love your waistline."

"Good job. Sorry about the interrogation by the way."

"Interrogations, plural, know what it feels like to be on the other side of the table now."

"My brother hasn't trusted any of my boyfriends, including Brian."

"Hardly surprising, you've picked some corkers in the past."

"Says the guy who was on a mission to bed every female in Glasgow."

"Mission aborted, found the one I want." He reached over and squeezed her shoulder, "Let's go home and get drunk and bitch about nosey families."

She laughed, "Ooh, I do love you."

* * *

They were lying side by side on a blanket on the grass, staring up at the night sky.

"Pass your glass," he said slowly sitting up.

"I've had too much already."

"You're still fully dressed, so not quite enough."

She giggled, leaning her head against his shoulder. "No nudity, we shouldn't really be out here."

"Nobody can see, the joys of paying so damn much for it, privacy." He handed her another glass of white, clinking his glass against hers before lying back down. "You warm enough?"

"Yeah, I expected it to be cold, it isn't too bad. Maybe that's the alcohol."

"More than one benefit then."

"No outdoor sex." She turned over, looking down at him. "I'll do what you want inside..."

"Promises, promises." He reached up to brush her hair back from her face and she caught his fingers, kissing them.

"Jacks," he whispered gently.

"Mmm..." Her eyes were closed, face serene. "The sun will be coming up soon; I haven't stayed up all night drinking for years."

"Me neither, couple more hours before sunrise though."

"Good, I like the stars." She leant down to kiss him, snuggling against his body.

"Jackie..."

"What?" She said against his shirt, kissing him through the material.

"You happy?"

"Right now? Blissfully."

"I mean with us."

She lifted her head again, "Why, aren't you?"

He grinned, "Always think the worst," then his tone changed, face suddenly serious. "Never been happier."

"Good." She kissed him again, deepening it, her tongue meeting his. He moaned into her mouth. "Let's go to bed." She said gently, before sitting up and taking another sip of wine.

He slowly sat up, throat suddenly tightening. "I gotta say something."

"What?" She was yawning, stretching her arms above her head. "Hurry up Robbie, the morning dew is sinking into my bones." She crawled closer to him, kneeling, her arms looping around his shoulders as she whispered by his ear, "I want you sinking into me."

He audibly groaned at the suggestion, holding her tight against him.

"I love you," he said, openly, sincerely.

"I know. Come on." She tugged on his hand.

"No, I mean, I really love you Jackie. Christ knows it's taken me long enough to realise just how much, how important you are, we are." He shrugged, "...everything to me."

She swallowed, voice heavy when she spoke, "You sound very emotional. You're not dying are you?"

"Nothing so simple," he smiled. "I know we're both of us career-minded, single-minded, so bloody independent and everything. And we've both made royal fuck-ups at it in the past and I'm not the kind of man to go in for all this stuff..."

"Robbie, what are you asking me?"

"Just that, asking, trying to. Had a speech all planned out in my head but I was nervous so I drank and now, now I can't think straight."

She loosened her hold on him, sitting back a little.

"Jackie, I can't imagine us not being together, I mean I always want us to... I always want to be with you. Here, wherever, don't care."

She smiled, glancing away momentarily.

"Sorry, could be putting this more eloquently."

"Its fine," she reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze.

"Will you marry me?" He said simply, eyes wide, voice husky. "That's it really, the question of all questions. And yes I know I'm against all that type of thing and it terrifies me and all the rest of it, we're going so well, it might change it but I just feel..."

"Robbie," she hushed him with a finger against his lips. "I haven't said anything yet."

"No, right. Well, if it's no I might be a bit deflated tonight but I'll do my best."

"Robbie," she laughed. "It's yes, of course its yes."

He pulled her into a fierce embrace, gratitude the over-riding feeling at that moment.

"Definitely yes?"

"Yes, definitely yes." She sat back to face him again. "But, you are sure?"

He nodded, digging his hand into his pocket.

"Why now? You're right things are going so well, what if it changes?"

"It won't, I've been thinking it for a while. We live together; a mortgage seems to be a bigger commitment. We know everything there is to know about each other, this is normal right. Day to day living."

She nodded, "As normal as we can ever get I suppose."

"Surprisingly, I like it; in fact I'm loving it."

"Me too."

"And yeah, we probably don't need some piece of paper but the truth is for the first time in my life I actually really want it. Want you."

She smiled, "Is that why it was so important we got drunk out here instead of in bed?"

"Been racking my brains trying to think of how and where and when... coulda just slid the box across to you one morning over breakfast and hoped for the best, played it cool."

Giggling she leant in and kissed him, "I'm glad you didn't do that. No rush though?"

"No, course not, we can just be engaged for a while, decide what kind of ceremony we want. Can we make a deal now though?"

"A-ha."

"No church, no registry office."

"Deal." She smiled, holding his hand. "So abroad or by some waterfall somewhere?"

"I like that idea. Just the two of us."

"Stuart would never forgive me if he didn't get an invite."

"Or a chance to help pick the dress right?"

"Exactly... so er, what box are we talking about?"

"Oh yeah right," he fished it out of his pocket. "This one, hope you like it, took ages to decide. Can change it if not."

He was nervous, jabbering on as she clicked open the small blue box. "Robbie, shut up." She said staring down at the ring; a diamond sparkled, like the stars she mused, square-cut, perfect.

"Should fit, I stole one from your jewellery box to get it right."

Despite her best intentions this was when she lost it and tears slid happily down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I didn't think you'd be so thoughtful."

He smiled, a little smugly perhaps, proud of himself for once. He took the ring from its box and slid it onto her finger.

"There, no getting away."

"Nowhere I want to go." She said, leaning forward to kiss him. "Gonna keep my name though." She mumbled against his lips.

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

"Can we go in now, my toes are freezing."

"Yeah, think you mentioned something about bed."

"I think I did," she jumped to her feet, turning her hand back and forth so the ring caught the moonlight. "Race ya there."


End file.
